Party Politics: Letting Her Down Diplomatically And Easily When You Discuss Choosing Your Groomsmen.

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Party Politics: Letting Her Down Diplomatically And Easily When You Discuss Choosing Your Groomsmen.

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer NYCityWeddings)

She may be crazy about YOU, but she’s not necessarily nuts about your friends and family…and now it’s time to choose YOUR attendants. How do you tell her that you want the buddy she can’t stand to be your best man, especially when perhaps SHE is hoping (“expecting”) that you’ll ask her sister’s husband or her best friend’s man, since she likes HIM and then they can both be in the wedding party (and at the table) together.

Of course you want to make her happy, but you can almost guarantee your NOT when you tell her your intentions. So, what’s a loving groom (to be) to do? Well, according to wedding etiquette authorities, make the decision you feel is best. If your buddy is truly NOT the kind of person you would want standing up for you (or in for you) or they type of person you can see yourself associating with in ten or twenty years, or would want around your kids, then perhaps you may want to reconsider. But, if there is truly a bond between both of you and you feel he IS the best representative (or one of them) for you on your “Big Day” then, explain to your bride to be that the brides maids are HER choice and the groomsmen YOUS and that you both need to respect each others wishes.

Keep in mind that if either of you feel “that” strongly about having a member of your family in the wedding party, but your partner doesn’t feel comfortable asking, maybe you should. In fact, with mixed gender wedding parties gaining in popularity, if your future wife wants her best friends hubby to be in the party, she can make him part of her side. He can simply wear a tux with a vest matching the girls’ dresses and escort his wife down the aisle. Besides, he’ll probably be more comfortable hanging out with people he knows rather than a bunch of guys he hardly knows and may not get along with.

If neither option is acceptable, perhaps you can find alternative ways to include these special people (on both your sides) in the celebration without making them part of the wedding party. Consider having them sing a song, read a poem or prayer, give a special speech or toast, making their involvement and contribution even more special and unique for all of you.