Marriage Millennium-Style: Ladies: “Rules” For Proposing To Your Man.

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer NYCityWeddings)

Women’s “lib” not only gave gals equal rights in the workplace, it gave them equal right (or some semblance thereof) in the world….and that includes relationships. Not only do we ladies have the right to “flirt” and go after what we want, express our feelings, etc., but we have full authority to take a stand and take action, even when it comes to “traditionally” male roles, like proposing.

What? YOU pop the (BIG) question. Yup, that’s exactly right. After all, why not? Besides, by taking the relationship reigns into your own hands, YOU can (sort of) take control of your own destiny….and you can make sure it’s as meaningful and romantic as you always envisioned it would be, plus you won’t have to sit around, wait, and wonder. Furthermore, wedding professional note that because this concept is relatively new, it can still be classified as uncharted territory, with not many rules of protocol to follow, unless, that is, you want to keep with “tradition” and as his family, for his hand.

Pointers For The “Perfect” Proposal:

1. Survey Says: Take a “survey” of your relationship (and that includes your relationship with his friends and family) Gauge where you are at, how much you’ve “grown”, and how much you need to (still) grow, to have a happy healthy marriage. If you have resolved or successfully handled all (or most of) your major issues, and feel like you are on the same page and heading in the same direction, them prepare to take the plunge….otherwise, wait until you’re ready.

2. Truth or Dare: Make sure you’re asking because you’re in love and want to seal the deal, and not because you want to test HIM and where HE stands (perhaps before you decide to keep your options open). Putting him to the test may be more damaging than helpful to the relationship and to your attitude toward each other. Marriage is a serious issue. Remember, you are not “playing house”, you are heading toward building a life together, ask only when you are confident he will joyfully accept.

3. Dream Weaver: Keep in mind that just like you have certain dreams and expectations that you hope he is aware of and respects, you are obligated to do the same. Turning the tables on taking the lead in proposing also means turning the table on sensitivity and knowing your mate and how HE would like to be asked. Remember, it would be unfair (and maybe unwise) that would make him feel uncomfortable such as getting down on one knee in a restaurant or showing up at his job in a limo and wedding dress. Be spontaneous, but be conscious and understanding of his masculinity, ego, wants, needs, and HIS idea of “romantic”.

4. Psych Out: It’s imperative to remember that taking the initiative also means taking a chance, the same chance the guys usually take when asking their ladies, and that includes him telling you his not ready (yet) or freaking out his “fragile” ego. Be prepared to give him time to ponder and even counter-propose in his time and own (more traditional) way.

5. Appease His Ego: Note that by offering him a bauble of betrothal may intimidate him and his sense of pride and machismo. If you want to keep with “tradition” perhaps you should consider buying something (expressing your commitment) for both of you. Wedding professionals suggest, matching necklaces or watches, I. D. bracelets, simple gold or silver bands, etc. Whatever you choose make sure HE’ll be okay with it and that it will hold special and significant meaning for both of you.

6. Be Creative: Experts suggest a proposal that will hold special significance for both of you based on a meaningful aspect of your relationship such as a memorable event or experience. They recommend sticking to the theme and following it through…and make sure to make it sentimental, personal, memorable, and meaningful….and above all make him feel cherished and understood.

7. Elementary Dear Watson: A good idea is sticking to the basics and NOT making things to complex. After all men (for one thing) don’t always need all the “fanfare” women do, and also this day or night should be about both of you and not about all the fantastic distractions surrounding you.

8. Mind Over Matter: Rely on common sense and logic when planning this special and momentous event. Don’t plan for an outdoor proposal in the middle of November when you may be battling the elements, and always have a backup plan. It’s probably also a good idea to get an early start, to check and double-check reservations, booked vendors, etc., and if you’ve secured the help of friends or family make sure you are all on the same page, and they understand what you want and expect, and that they are ready when you are.