You Guest It: Guests Reveal The Best and Worst Wedding Practices

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer NYCityWeddings)

You’ve worked very hard to make sure you host the most “unforgettable”, “perfect” event, just as you (and your family) have always dreamed of. You’re sure you’ve thought of everything and taken everything into careful consideration. Experts urge you to think again. Have you taken your guests and what THEY want into consideration? After all, experts are quick to point out and remind you (that despite what you may have been lead to believe) YOUR “Big Day” is NOT all about YOU.

With hundreds of your closest friends, family and colleagues all taking time out of their busy schedule and “hundreds” of dollars out of their bank accounts to help you celebrate your special union of love, they many not expect to be the guests of honor, but you can almost count on each expecting to be an honored guest.

We all know or should realize by now that no matter how much you spend on your gown, his tux, the flowers, centerpieces and all the other little details (that are oh, so important to YOU), among the most important details for your guests is the food and the entertainment. But recent “research” has revealed a few other areas of “annoyance” include the following:

1. Long Receiving Lines: Guests admit that while they are eager to congratulate the happy couple, large weddings leave many standing and waiting for an uncomfortable amount of time. This, according to testimony, proved to be most frustrating to the more distant friends and relatives who were generally seated at the back of the “church” and were “stuck” at the end of the line with no room or way to make a clean and quick exit.

2. “Off-Night”, Evening Affairs: Everyone WANTS a nighttime event (especially on a Saturday night), and everyone realizes that “prime time” weekend weddings are the most expensive and that the quickest, easiest way for the couple to save some money is by choosing an “off-night” for their celebration. Weeknights and Friday and Sunday evenings are becoming popular alternatives to costly Saturday night affairs, but regardless of the festivities and fare, leaving many guests with a bad taste in their mouth. Guests’ biggest complaint was that, unlike the couple (and perhaps their immediate family who may have been able to take the next day off from work), they are required to meet both their professional and personal obligations the next day. Not to mention, that many are not from the immediate area and are faced not only with a long day and night, but a long drive or hurried flight home. Guests expressed “dreading” late starts and having to leave the reception before it's over and still not being home early enough to get enough rest for the next day.

3. Lengthy Gaps Between Ceremony And Reception: Part of the previous problem guests associated with weddings was that the former could probably be (partially) avoided if there wasn’t such a huge gap between the ceremony and reception. Guests are reluctant about “loitering’ in the catering hall lobby in anticipation of the cocktail hour. Others noted that they didn’t know what to do or where to go, especially when the gap was longer than an hour or the reception hall was in close proximity to the ceremony location. Furthermore, queries revealed that this was especially frustrating for guests who had a long drive home and for out of town guests.

4. Not Giving Your Guests What They “Paid” For: Guests expect weddings (even, casual, laid back affairs) to be classy, elegant, “formal”, and adhere to a certain protocol. Guests were most bothered by the couples “failure” to meet these standards and cited some of the following as pet peeves:

· Getting a sneak peak of the bride before her “grand” entrance

· Bridal party members or “Day-Of” coordinator tending to last minute details as guests are arriving or seated for the ceremony.

· Brides using their march toward the altar as a photo opportunity.

5. Standing Room Only: While guests enjoy mixing and mingling, especially during the cocktail hour they expressed frustration when not made to feel comfortable with limited seating arrangements. Many noted that they looked forward to sitting down and enjoying both the appetizers and the company while waiting for the bride and groom to arrive…and didn’t want’ to feel like they were standing around in a “bar” as opposed to attending a wedding reception

6. Smile And Say “Cheese”: While guests said they remain sympathetic to couples cutting certain corners to save for their future, they also noted that certain things, such as a cash bar (or BYOB for smaller, less formal affairs), are simply “cheesy”. Having only one choice on the menu was also seen as “tacky”.

7. Making Your Wedding An Excuse To Party: Guests of all ages expressed their frustration and disappointment with the lack of respect that often replaces the real meaning behind the “Big Event”. They claim, while it’s certainly a time of celebration, it is NOT an excuse to forego good judgment and release all your inhibitions. The most egregious offenses were lack of good taste and demeanor (especially during speech giving), and drunkenness, especially by the bridal party, immediate family and by the bride and groom.

8. Negligence: Among the worst offenses guests cited was a lack of respect, negligence and being made to feel that the only reason they were invited was for the gift. They cited the following as extremely hurtful and disrespectful.

· Addressing a serious significant other as “And Guest” on the invitation, seating card, and thank you note

· Sending a special significant other a separate invitation, place card and thank you note, though you’ve been a (serious) couple for years, perhaps reside together and plan on attending together.

· Barely being acknowledged at the wedding and/or not being asked to dance (if alone)

· Having a friend, partner or significant other ignored or made to feel unaccepted.

· Being seated at a table where you know no one. Also if you are in the wedding party, being seated with the other members of the entourage and not with your partner, spouse, and/or family.

· Seating your partner, spouse, family far away from you, at a table where they don’t know anyone, especially if you are a member of the wedding party and sitting at the dais or with other members of the couple’s entourage.

9. Making A Big Stink: Many guests say brides and grooms fail to take into account that many more of their friends and family are much more health conscious these days. From what they eat, to what they drink, and what they breath, people are trying to take better care of themselves and take, taking care of themselves very seriously. Offering your guests shots of hard liquor or cigars (especially in an enclosed area) is just poor judgment and potentially offensive. Guests said: they don’t have a problem with you handing out cigars as long as you ask your guest to wait until they get outside or indulge in a designated area away from your other guests.

10. Cruel and Unusual Punishment: While many guests say they actually enjoy some of the more cultural, spiritual and ethnic traditions associated with weddings, many express being a bit disappointed and even “offended” by the couples desire to include some of the more “vulgar” ones. Among these:

· Smashing cake into each other’s face

· The whole garter/bouquet toss “thing”

· Kissing is fine (that’s why most clink their glasses, ring bells etc.), but go using “that” as an excuse to “go at it” like you need to rent a room is NOT.

· Silly sensationalism such as “The Chicken Dance”, The Electric Slide and The Macarena.

· Belly Dancers, etc. at weddings (unless it’s a harpist, violinist, artist or entertainment for the kids) is quite un-necessary, and passé.

11. The Waiting Game: Congratulating the bride and groom is something everyone looks forward to with eager anticipation. Leaving your guests (standing with flower petals and blessings in “hand”) to go take pictures or sneaking away (for ahem, a few moments alone) with your beloved is a major No-No.

And while you can’t please everyone, you can certainly “try”. Here’s a few things you can keep in mind that revealed would make your task (of pleasing them) “effortless” and “easy”

1. Break The Mold: Do adhere to (important) rituals and traditions, but make your wedding unique and different. Offer your guests the unexpected and give them something not only to talk about but (fondly) remember.

2. Allow Your Guest To Get Involved: From bringing a picture of their own wedding to asking them for marital advice or being part of making your guest book, perhaps featuring a personalized page for each guest and their story (about love and marriage), making your guests part of the celebration is what it’s all about.

3. Keep It Real: Sure you want to be “glamorous” but this is truly one of the most emotional days of your life. Let your emotions show and tough your audience with your authentic sentimentality. Guests have noted that the more joy and emotion the couple showed the more they were eager to share in and celebrate their love. Also be sure to show sincere gratitude to all those who attend.

4. Make It Worth Their While: Many guests note that they often are out of town guests and have to take time off from work and other obligations to attend your special event. They thoroughly enjoy well organized events including the many amenities of day-of events, a welcoming “soiree” including food and beverages, and the day-after brunch giving them one more opportunity to wish you well and to be “pampered” (and well-fed) before heading home.

5. Make It A Family Affair: One of the biggest faux pas guests complain about is not having their children invited to the wedding. They can’t help but worry and are often unable to enjoy themselves. Furthermore, they note, that since marriage is an induction into “family” life, it’s only “appropriate” to include children, especially older ones.