Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Right now I have a friend (one of my bridesmaids) staying here in my apartment. She just broke up with her longtime sorta FH. First off, although I feel bad, it is neither a shock nor the first time this has happened. She hasn't loved him for years; she probably never did. She was just waiting to move out of their apartment until she was financially independent to do so. Anyway, she is staying here with FH and I. The day before FH goes out and fills the fridge; awaiting her arrival. I told him not to do it, she has a rep for being a mooch. The first few nights she comes home and asks what I ate tonight (a subtle hint that I should get something for her). She has eaten every meal in our house without contribution. IMO. she could at least help out maybe bring a pizza home with her one night out of courtesy, just an idea!! She also comes and goes as she pleases; we don't know whether she will be home 7,8 or midnight. (I refuse to give her keys). So we are left stranded waiting for her so there is someone to let her in at night. Yesterday, was the last straw, however. She happened to leave her cell phone at my house yesterday. It rings a few times but I don't pick it up. I do go checking every once in awhile to see if maybe it is her at work. Anyways, I go and check and see the name of one of our "ex" friends. She called her about 3 times! It has to be the girl because she has a very rare ethnic name; it is not common. This "ex'' friend of ours is one of my worst enemies. I used to hang out with her and she used me to by drinks, pay for car services, etc! One night I couldn't go out so she made up an imaginary guy she knew who wanted to meet me, just so I would go out!! She wanted me to come so I could give her money when she ran out of it! The best way to describe this girl is that she is the bully from school who beats you up and takes your lunch money! She is pure evil and I would never associate with her again. I am totally beside myself! My current "roomate" knows all of this! Oh, did I mention my "roomate" came home last night at 2 A.M. with more of her stuff!! FH and I were up waiting till that time!! Sorry ladies, this is so long I needed to vent; I literally feel sick!

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

This doesn't sound like a friend to me. Give her the boot. Even if it's painful, her treatment to you and her utter disrespect for your kindness just isn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Honestly this woman has to go.

She is totally taking advantage of you.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but this is not the type of person I would want living around my man.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

I agree with Jill, this girl is not your responsibility. Don't waste your time. I would ask her to leave.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Thanks ladies for the advice!! Call me a sucker but I am genuinely a good person and may be too naive to see others ways!! Nrvbrd, one of my friends made a comment like that recently! That she is the type to live in your house, take your money and sleep with your boyfriend!! I am absolutely not worried about FH in the slightest, not only do I trust him with my life, he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole!!

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Good Kathleen, did not want to upset you.

I still think she should go.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

I would ask her to leave. Who needs the stress! Good luck!

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

I think she has out done her welcome...It is time that you should tell her to leave. Tell her that she has three choices, go back to her ex...or get her own place, or go back to her parents. There is no 4th choice because she cannot stay there anymore....if that makes sense.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

She def. should leave. And remember no one can take advantage of you unless you allow it.

Get her out!

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Unfortunately, she doesn't have may other options (not that it is my problem). She doesn't speak to her parents, her ex hates her now, and no other friend would ever offer. She is currently looking for an apt.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

I know, I might as well be walking around with SUCKER written on my face!! But then again, I always seem to get involved with people with strange situations!!

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

I think she is taking advantage of you, but to play devil's advocate for a minute:

I don't understand why you wouldn't give her keys if it makes it easier on you.

Why can't she be friends with someone that you're not?

That said, I do think she's being rude and selfish. There's no excuse for not contributing to the household expenses and food supply, and if she knows you're waiting up for her, she should be more considerate of her hours.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

I think she is definitely taking advantage of you....I think you need to set some boundaries.

Are you not giving her keys b/c you are nervous what she might do/take when you are not around?? If that is the case, she shouldn't be staying with you at all.

If that's not the case, maybe for the time being, giving her a key would be easier for you.

I think you should definitely speak up about her contributing to the household bills, food, whatever it is. Her not offering is UNACCEPTABLE!!!!

As for the friend....that's a tough call. I have a couple different groups of friends and not all of the them like the others....that doesn't mean I will stop being friends with any of them....that being said, if one of my friends was outright malicious to another friend, I would definitely think twice.


I don't know if I offered any good advice here - but I can offer Good Luck and

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

Lisa, I see what your saying!! The "ex" friend issue is kinda hard to explain!! It wasn't just a personal thing against this girl!! She is just an evil person; and I just can't associate with anybody who associates with her!! She put me through hell!! It may sound like jealousy or me being possesive but it is really not that way at all!! My current "roomate" knows all the hell she put me through!!

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

it is not your problem she has no where to go................
tell her you need your privacy and it isnt working out

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

This girl definitely needs to go! I would tell her she has to start looking for a place. And don't let her guilt you about it either! Its your and FH's home - not hers. (I just see something like that happening with a person like this)

In the interim I think you need to tell her that she needs to contribute $$ at least for food while she stays. $10, $20 - anything, just make an effort. And you should also tell her to have some consideration for the people who have to stay up and wait for her to come home. I wouldn't give her a key though - I think if you did she'd never leave...JMHO.

Good luck.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

so nice of you to let her stay there but she is overstepping her boundaries. And sounds like you dont trust her - so why let her stay?

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

If this is the way she is and you knew it, why did you ask her to move in?

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

This girl sound slike a self centered jerk ! Wouldn''t you be embarrassed not to contribute anything to someone who was putting you up? I know I would.

Let her go stay with that x friend of yours that she is so chummy with. Don''t give her your keys - desperate people will do desperate things.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

That really stinks! I would sk her to leave. If you feel uncomfortable doing that, then give her an excuse (although it''s always better to be honest). For example, tell her your landlord found out and that he wants her out within the next two weeks... or you are going to have to put her name on the lease (which is not an option).

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

First off, I think it was very nice of you to help a friend in need. She needed a place to go, and you gave her one.

BUT did you ever set any ground rules? Did you tell her that you are more than happy to give her a place to say for XX amount of week/days and that should give her enough time to find her own place. Did you tell her that you are not trying to be a Mom but as long as she is a guest in your home you would really appreciate her coming in by 10pm because that is when you and DH like to be settled for the night. When she asks you "what did you eat tonight" did you tell her that she is more than welcome to prepare something for herself but that you will not be making dinner for 3?

I am a firm believer that you cannot be taken advantage of unless you allow it. Now, the thing with the X friend...could be ANYTHING. This person could have heard about her breakup and is calling to see if she is okay...she could be calling to ask her if she would like to go out since she is now single. You have no idea what the call was about and in all honest it isn''t any of your business. She is allowed to get calls on her phone without anyone asking her why.

IMO it is time to let her know that she has another week to find her own place and then you and your husband really need your privacy again. That is what I would do.

Re: Friend vent (advice needed) kinda long

It sounds like she need to go!! You must have a great FH to put up with this!!!

As far as the other thing the ''ex" friend, i know exactly where you are coming from, hell it could be the same girl we are talking about its sounds so familiar but anyway liek someone said you dont know whay she called you"roommate" but you know what if your "roommate " knows how this ex friend upset you why would she be friends with her.
Good luck.

We''er here if you need to vent some more!