How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

A friend and I have been trying to deal with another friend, who refuses to take her daughter to a restaurant. She is 19 months old already...walking and starting to talk, but my friend is just 'afraid' she will throw a tantrum. I mean, I know it's a possibility, but how will you ever know if you don't try?
The way it appears now, is that she just won't take her to a restaurant until she is 3 or 4 years old.

It impedes on her ability to do anything. We wanted to take her for lunch for her b-day and she refused to go because she won't take the baby into the restaurant!

Any advice? Ideas on how to handle the baby's first trip?

Message edited 10/28/2003 12:04:48 PM.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

I would take the baby to Friendly's or other VERY family friendly place to see how he/she does in the situation. I think never going out because of your child is just plain stupid anyway. I would NOT take a young child to The Plaza for high tea but I would take them to a diner or local place for dinner/lunch.
Or better yet, leave the baby home with dad and have your b-day lunch with your friends alone. I am sure she can use the break once in a while.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

I was hesitant to bring Lyla into a restaurant, but my family goes out to eat for each one of our birthdays so I couldn't keep saying no. My father wanted to take Peter out in Sept, but I told him that I can't bring Lyla, especially sicne he wanted to take him to a fancy steakhouse. I haven't used any sitters outside of the family, so the only option was for Peter and my dad to go alone. But, they never went, and then my step mother's bday was this weekend, so I told them we would love to go out to eat, but I had restrictions.

It had to be early, so that we could be home in time for Lyla's bedtime. And, it had to be a restaurant where I would feel comfortable to walk around if she fussed, or where I could nurse at the table, since I breastfeed on demand. So, we went to a big Thai restaurant, it was pretty empty at 5pm, and it worked out fine.

If she was a toddler, I would only go to family restaurants taht are noisy enough where a kid crying wouldn't be heard as easily. Otherwise, I hope to use babysitters by the time Lyla is a toddler.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

well, I guess I'm the maverick so far in this posting...

My SIL came up from FLa when Julianne was about 3 weeks old.
She made sure that we went out to eat while she was here. First time was in a pizzeria type restaurant. We ad a corner secluded booth...adn we even did a diaper change there!

Then one night we all went out to a Thai rest....Julianne slept part of the time in her infant carrier....then when she woke we all took turns holding her....

so ....she was about 3-4 weeks old!
and we got out to dinner once a week with her.

Def pick a family friendly place..if the baby cries and needs to be walked...so she can do that and not draw too much attn....friendly's, fridays, applebees, or another great find is any of those big buffet restaurants...this way you dont have to WAIT to be served....a great thing if the baby is napping!

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

Im not a Mom but can tell you about babies in our family. They are out and about. Recently a group of us went to Benny Hana's (sp) in Westbury. My cousin brought her 18mo old Son. He loved it! He totally enjoyed watching the chef prepare our meals. He even warned the chef about the table top being HOT. He has been going to out to eat since he was an infant. Thats his parents lifestyle and he has fit right in. As long as you pick kid friendly places you should be fine.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

Im the same as Phyl here. I dont go to many "fancy shmancy" restaurants, so anywhere I go, I will take him, anytime of day One or 2 restaurants that we went, were too small to bring in a stroller, so we had to use the highchairs. If I know we're going to chat and be a while, Id rather bring his stroller, he gets fussy on the high chairs after about an hour. Who can blame him, who'd want to sit on this hard wood thing for any longer than that

It sounds like your friend is looking out for her peace of mind... its a little selfish to not let her child explore and experience being out in society and eating out with family and friends.

So many steakhouses, and family restaurants even have coloring books and crayons to keep them busy.

She will have a VERY hard time when her daughter dooesnt know how to act in public, because she never taught her.
She should understand that even the best behaved toddler WILL have tantrums. Its part of life, its a child being a child. and anyone in the restaurant who rolls their eyes should just leave and eat in their own kitchen.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

Totally agree with Anna, how will the baby ever get used to being out in public and how to act in an restaurant if they are never brought there? And who could go on in life without going out to a restaurant ever again once you had kids?! My GF brought her daughter everywhere we went and I am convinced that is why she was go good where ever we went.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

i didn't even know this was an issue. we took my niece out when she was like 3 months old and she's been to tons of restaurants with us since then. all babies cry/throw tantrums .. but what can you do

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

We took Patrick to restaraunts all the time when he was younger.

You friend is being a tad bit ridiculous! IMO!! Especially lunch time if you go to a place that isn't so busy you will pretty much have the run of it!

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

We took Emma out for sushi to a very small japanese restaurant when she was about 3 weeks old. As soon as we got there she woke up and started to cry but after a bottle, she calmed down and slept. Since then we have gone back for sushi and taken her to a few other restaurants. I swore that before she was born, we would not change our lifestyle too much and that our daughter would be included in everything we did. I think that exposing the children from the very beginning is the best way to prevent melt downs. They learn really quickly how to behave. Your friend needs to attempt this before she decides that her child cant do it. She may be pleasently surprised.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

Your friend is being paranoid and ridiculous! BUT - that's JMO...pls, take no offense.

Paul has been going to restaurants with DH and I, me and my friends, me and Mom - whoever - ever since he was 3 weeks old. You cannot stop your life b/c you had a child!

And, I firmly believe that it's important for a child to learn the socialization skills that go along with mealtimes...that is why Paul not only goes to restaurants WITH us, but he eats most of his meals at the same time we eat, too. We do not feed him at special times or make special arrangements for his meals etc. It is important for him to understand breakfast, lunch and dinnertime....and that what Mommy cooks (or orders from the menu) is what he eats!

Call that my "non-professional" philosophy on how NOT to raise a picky eater

Message edited 10/28/2003 8:58:50 PM.

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

Claud, no offense taken! Believe me we know!

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. Part of the problem is that she does not have a very attentive (I'm being nice here, he's an a-hole) husband. She is basically a married single mother, if that could exist. The attachment issues with her daughter are unbearable. She can not leave the house without the child going into a huge panic. She has left weddings, dinners, work...numerous things because the child just can't handle it. So instead of trying new things to get her acclamated to an environment where Mommy isn't there but is coming back...she chooses to avoid the issue. So, she brings her everywhere. The only person she can leave her with is her mother, and grandma can't always do it! She will not allow me or my friend to babysit, because the child just could not handle it! (And she has no siblings...and don't get me started on her in-laws).

We just don't even know how to convince her to start trying things. It's just a no, and that's that. And, both of us feel rather uncomfortable commenting on being a parent when neither of us is one yet!

The punchline...she's a teacher that works with 5 year olds!!!

What to do?

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

Before anyone jumps down my throat please realize that I'm aware my opinion on this could change when I have children.

When I'm at a restaurant and a child first begins to cry or scream, I have nothing but tolerance and compassion. I realize you can't control your child's every whim-who couldn't understand that? However, when the crying and screaming continues and develops into a full blown tantrum, I believe one of the parents should attempt to stop it. Bring them outside for a few minutes, give them a new/different toy to play with, anything, to sooth them so they can calm down. My friend who has a five year old used to sing to her and she'd usually stop crying right away. My point is, don't just ignore it. We all, when dining out, have to right to eat in a certain amount of peace. ( I say certain because it depends on the restaurant.) I've seen parents do the right thing and attend to their child and I've seen others who ignore them, giving everyone in the restaurant headaches and frankly, those are the people who should go home and eat in their kitchens.

No offense meant, Anna.



Interesting letter in Dear Abby I read once: A family was in a restaurant with their two children who were screaming, carrying on, etc. and it got so bad the manager had people complaining to him. He eventually came up with a somewhat controversial solution: He approached the family and told them the food was on him but they had to pack it up and take it home! He was trying to appease both parties but I wonder if that family ever returned to that restaurant....

Re: How old was your baby when you first tried taking he/she to a restaurant?

I took all three of my children from infancy to restaurants. Most of the time, we had a great time. I would think it would be more difficult to introduce this concept to a 4 year old than a child who has been going regularly all along. I don't take my 3 year old to "fancy" places but I have taken my older two.