Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

Now I know you can NEVER know

but this country has what - 50 - 60% divorce rate so how do you know YOURS will last? (Not that I'm scared or anything I love my FI! - I'm just interested to see why some marriges last and others don't)

Statistically, half of this entire board will end their marrige in divorce - that's just a scary though!

Message edited 7/8/2003 1:06:08 PM.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

you can nver know!

Trust, communication, honesty & love.

Only God knows what will happen!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

There are no guarantees, you just have to work at it and keep it fresh, keep it new, have a short memory, a forgiving spirit and keep the lines of communication open, try not to take each other for granted and keep the love alive, keep things spontaneous, take trips together, do little things, big things to let the person know they are valued. Compliment each other, look good for each other. Respect, Honest, Loyal.

In the end doing all this you can still get a divorce, b/c people can outgrow each other, change, get bored etc. So just live the best life you can live while you are together.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

Well said Shamma- I do not have anything to add- you said it all.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

I don't think there's anyway anyone could know. I certainly don't. And it IS a bit scarey to know the statistics.

Good as things are in any relationship, it only takes a moment for things to turn. One day at a time is the best you can hope and that day turns to weeks which eventually turn to years...and if we're lucky that year to a decade and so on...

Being that most of us our newlyweds we probably don't have the formula for what makes it last...at least not yet

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

You don't know that. You also can't predict when your spouse will get ill. Or die. Or what if your child needs lifetime care for a disability?

I know our marriage will last because of many different things. There isn't one I can list that would be better over another. I like to use the analogy that if my parents could make it work, then so can I. They are my inspiration, and I know hubby and his parents have the same kind of relationships.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

The funny thing is this morning I was just thinking of this, what will make Roger and I last?? We can both do everything in our power to do all of the above that I listed and one day he or I can say we do not want to be with the other. What can you do??? Live the best life you can live.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

You really don't know. However I am already a statistic since I was married before. I do know that this marriage has more of a chance of survival becaue DH and I are older and have a clearer idea of our future. I was only 2 weeks past my 20th birthday when I got married the first time. Way too young.

I think that this marriage will survive because my last marriage didn't. I knew what I did and didn't want in a husband this time around and wouldn't have gotten married again if this wasn't the right man for me. I was picky too!!! Plus I know what not to do this time. Experience is the best teacher!!!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

Just FYI: The 50% divorce rate is a falacy. Long story short, they compare apples to oranges. In this case, they compare the # of marriages in a year to the # of divorces. Of course that totally discounts the fact that millions of people are already married!

That 50% number is not really accurate and is used mostly for sensationalism.


So dont believe the hype girls!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

funny I was just thinking last night, "I wonder out of all the weddings planned on LIW how many get a divorce?"

You never know what life will hand you!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

to add to the 50% debate...

research shows that people who are more likely to divorce are the people who have been divorced (not saying anything about the wonderful 2nd marriages on this board), but research does prove that...

so when someone is married and divorce 2, 3, 4, 5 times (think hollywood)...that throws off the percentage for the rest of us...


also...just FYI: widows and widowers who were in a good loving marriage are more likely to marry again...even though I could never think of anyone else besides my DH!!!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

Well, my own, personal theory is that there are so many people today getting married that are coming from divorced parents, and I am convinced we are able to learn a thing or two from their mistakes and hopefully not repeat them. Maybe it's idealistic, but we'll see.
As my parents always tell me, "we don't know if we'll be together forever, but for now, this works for us." And they've been together for going on 38 years, so something they're doing is right!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

I think that part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is a) people get married WHILE having MAJOR relationship issues and feel that "marriage" will make everything better b)people are not really committed to the long haul and bail at the first sign of trouble and c) people just really do change or grow apart and it is time to move on and be happy.

It is sad, but it is a fact. I have read many posts about REAL relationship problems on this board and girls still say "well, I think once we are married this won't happen or things will change etc..etc..." and you know that this is not a good idea but what can you say? Marriage is NOT about a wedding day- it is about a lifetime of days.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

well said shamma! i tuly believe that you have to work at it and not take one another for granted.
thanks for the info on the stats girls - make sme feel a whole lot better! bc when you think about it and all the married couples you know, it doesn't occur to me that i have heard about 1/2 of all marriages or even close to that number ending in divorce that i have known in all my 25 years. maybe someone with a little more wisdom can share? i am talking about more family relationships than friend marriages bc obviously those are all fairly new...

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

You all have made very valid points. I think alot of the time people get this idea of marriage being some sort of fairytale and that you all live happily ever after. Being that I was married once before, I truly thought that all things bad would change for the better once I was married. Oh boy was I ever so wrong!!! I was young and not thinking about the future...the near future yes, but not years ahead. After getting divorced and finally finding out about who I was, my thinking changed.
Marriage is a two way street. Communication is so important. Now that I am married again, to my absolute best friend, I know that this is what I waited for my entire life.

I wish you all a lifetime of happiness, success and lots of love!!!!

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

I agree with Shamma completely. I couldn't say it any better.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

you girls bring up a lot of good points.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

I do not expect my marriage to end in a divorce, but in case something happens where it does I want to be prepared. A friend of mine is going to be married for 6 years in oct. and withing 1 month last year it went from happy marriage to miserable marriage.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

Honesty, communication, never letting resentment build up.

Through the marriage there will be major problems, minor everyday annoyances, second thoughts, and temptations (sexy pool man named Raul), that will test you. Things will come along that make you re-think your vows, or make you feel tempted to see if the grass is greener. You need to be aware of that and expect those feelings to come up, and then choose once again to make the commitment to your husband and the marriage. It's an ongoing thing. You don't make the choice once and that's it. You make it over and over again yearly, monthly, sometimes daily.

I think keeping that in mind, and keeping the lines of communication open, along with putting each other first before ANYTHING else, including family, friends, work, and even the children, will help you go the distance.

But then again, it takes TWO people who are willing and able to do this. So I guess you have to just do your best and have faith.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

I don't know out of 3 of my siblings that got married only 1 remains married. She's been married 17 years!!! So I'm hoping that hubby & I will last. I'd say we will.
Communtication is key!!! Always tell your partner how you feel. NEVER take them for granted.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

For the same reasons I knew DH was "the one", I know we will last....we just will! And it is funny, we talk about this at work all the time and everyone always says, if anyone's marriage is going to last forever it will be Doreen and Mike.

Re: Spinoff of financially independent - how do you know your marrige won't end in divorce?

You don't know. Marriage is a leap of faith. You do everything you can to make it work, but there are no guarantees

Shamma you said it perfect!