No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Hi everyone,

So I finally got my thank you's in and will start writing them out this weekend and hopefully send them out early next week.

I have yet to receive gifts from several of our guests. (We got married in November). Do I send a thank you for them attending or wait to see if they eventually send something?

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

I personally think it is nice to thank people for attending but DH felt opposite. We only had one of these and we didn't send one. It is a friend of DH's so I let him make the call. Then all his co-workers mentioned the thank you card at work and the guy who didn't get one kind of looked strange and DH just changed the subject. Then he kind of felt bad...but he didn't change his mind. He said if we get a gift we will send a card - or else we will have to send two.

Message edited 4/2/2003 12:30:21 PM.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

We sent the people who didn't give us a card or a gift thank you's anyway and simply said "Thank you for being with us on our special day."
I actually think they should have sent us a thank you for a great night out.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

This question really hits home for me as well. I'm in the same boat as you. We are in the process of writing our thank-you's and I have one friend (a friend from college who I was pretty close with) who didn't give us anything - not even a card (which was more hurtful than anything. I mean c'mon - we're not worth a buck fifty?). I have many people saying to not send a thank you, and I have others who say to send them one.

Another problem is that we just moved right down the block from her and she has no idea, cause I haven't called her since the wedding cause I feel REALLY awkward about the whole thing.

So sorry I can't help you and for getting lost in a babble. I would love to see the responses here.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

I followed the same route that Novemberbride did, I sent a generic - thank you for being a part of our special day, it was great to see you, blah, blah, blah. There was only one person I DID not send one to (he didn't bring a gift) and that was because this ameba had the nerve to call me the night before my wedidng at 11:00 p.m. to "inform" me that he was coming to the wedding, but that he didn't have money for a gift. Uh, okay, you had money two nights before for beer for yourself at the pub - you couldn't scrape up not even $20.00or how about a few bucks for a card? It wasn't about the gift, cause I'm not like that. It was the fact that he is a total loser mooch who my husband had to pay for AT HIS bachelor party because mooch boy "forgot" his wallet, yet drank up a $50.00 tab and had a few lap dances added to his bill - paid for by my STB husband. I figured why the H should we send him a thank you card? Thanks for showing up and drinking and eating without acknowledging us? Umm, no. Can you believe he had the nerve to approach me on it when everyone in our group of friends started receiving theirs? LOSER!

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

I did, although I would have preferred not too!

We didn't receive anything from 2 guests, but we still sent out a TY letting them know we appreciated them sharing in our day.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

We sent a generic thanks for coming card.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

we had one no gifter (no card either ) and we sent a general thank you for being there card. I was on the fence b/c I didnt want it to look like we were prodding her for a gift. but i think it was the right thing for us to do.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Yes, you should. The thank you is for attending the wedding, not a gift.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

We did just as everyon elee did. Sent a general thank you for sharing in our speacial day card.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

DH, my mother and I all debated on this issue as well. My mother insisted that thank yous should be sent to every guest who attended gift or no gift and card or no card. IMHO, it was not fair that we should send a thank you to all 150 guests especially those who gave no gifts and no cards. However, my mother insisted, whined and was very pushy that we need to send them which I argued to her that they attended but gave no gifts and no cards. Her opinion, they travelled far and wide to attend our big day as we had many OTTs and we should give them that same personal attentive detail.

To stop the woman from whining in the end we sent cards to all 150 guests who attended gift or no gift and card or no card. Each had all similar or different messages:
* Attended but no gift AND no card (nothing):
"Thank you for sharing our special day. It was good to meet you and introduce you to XXX. We hope to see you again in the future." (Make no mention of gift, card and just thank them for attending).

* Attended but card only:
"Thank you for sharing our special day and for your lovely card. Your card will have a special place in our keepsake box to be adored for many years."

* Attended but gift only, no card:
"Thank you for sharing our special day and for the XXX (name gift item). It will be useful for XXX."

If you're awaiting for more gifts, I suggest to wait to send thank you cards to those yet to receive a gift. However, I suggest not to wait too long as our wedding was in August 2002 and receive the TY cards in late October 2002. They were sent before Thanksgiving 2002. Just my suggestion.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Im sorry to disagree but we had 2 no gifters and I didn't send a card to either. Both were on his side. One was one of his "best" friends, who RSVP'd with his GF who was a no-show. The other was a family member of his (whos also RSVP'd with her BF who didn't come) who emailed me the next day saying she forgot her gift and where to mail it to... I emailed her back my address and still nada. I told DH that if he wanted them to get a TY he could write one but not me!

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Sharon,

Does your friend know my DH also?! We had almost the exact same thing happened minus the phone call!! vinnie's heard from him several times & he always says the same thing ... let me have your address, so I can send you a check for the wedding.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

This issue has been debated quite a bit on this site, it your personal choice, and you should do what makes your comfortable. Good luck in your decisison.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

At least he attempts to make it look good by promising to send something This jerk didn't even have an excuse, but it's typical because he's a loser all around. Unfortunately, I dated him for like three weeks back in high school and everyone still ties him to me -

I guess I have a knack of picking the losers!

This guy is a special exception though because EVERY party he goes to, he brings nothing but an empty stomach and pocket. He'll look to load up on whatever he needs for his apartment. Like one time at my house, he had a headache so he asked me for Tylenol. I handed him a bottle and he started emptying it into his pocket. I asked him "What the F are you doing?" and he was like "Oh yeah - that was stupid of me. Do you have a sandwich bag?". Incredible!!

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

DH's company laid-off 1/3 of the company 2 weeks before our wedding...so we did not expect people to give us gifts...and we sent them a TY..

the only person we did not send a TY to was a this guy that was coming as a guest of someone...the person got sick...and he came anyway...with no gift ***??

I didn't send a TY to people who said they were coming...never did..and gave no gift...


but I think its up to you...I always thought the favor was the thank you for the day...and the TY card was the TY for the gift...

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

I had two couples from my husbands family not give a gift or card. According to one of them, she was mailing something after our honeymoon (which was in Sept and still nothing). I had my own personal feelings about this issue. It is not the gift that we cared about. We got all different kinds of gifts and appreciated the thoughts. To not even go to a card store and bring a card to the wedding to me is kind of saying that person doesnt have much class. My husband has given so so many gifts to this family. We decided not to send these two guests thank yous and felt very comfortable with our decision. Also, one of the reasons was she had said she was mailing something so we figured she was and we would thank her then, but received nothing. I am big on thank you cards and love sending cards, but this time I just couldnt. People go to bday parties in backyards and have a gift and card. How do you attend a formal wedding and do that? Sorry, but I think it is tacky to not acknowledge the bride and groom in some sort of way, at least a card.

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

I would still send a Thank You for sharing your day....WOW..no gift

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

I would not send a thank you since many thank you cards cost $$$ and they could not even be bothered to buy you a card, when they've been invited to a lavish affair, shared in your magical day and been fed well! Sorry, a sore spot for me, I can be a cold one!

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Cindy -
I completely agree with you....if I'm not worth the buck fifty, well I guess there's my answer.

Here's my problem...
My friend was going up to the card table at the wedding, and asked my no-gifter friend if she wanted her to bring up her card, and my friend said "no, i never bring cards to weddings anymore - I always forget to give them, so I just mail them after the wedding". Ok, fine (the only reason I know this is because my MOH told me after I was bugging out that I couldn't find her card). So I waited for the mail, and nothing. Got married in Dec. and still nothing...

Now this is apretty good friend, who I will definitely see again, who runs with the same circle of friends. I just don't even know how to react to the situation. Just pretend it away, when deep down I'm hurt that I didn't even get a card from her. If you don't have the money, fine - we've all been hard on our luck - although, gimme a break - you knew about my wedding for 2 years, and went to Florida on a whim 2 days after my wedding, but I would forget all that if she had just sent her FRIEND a card. So I don't know what to do....please help!

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Marnles,
Are you asking if you should send a thank you? I guess do what you feel comfortable with. Like the last post said, it is a couple of bucks to send a thank you. Not only did we spend top dollar for our saturday night august affair, they danced and ate and walked out with a full bottle of Pindar wine. Usually when you go to someone for a dinner the guest would be the one to bring the wine...lol. That is where I drew the line and said, if it was such a problem to even give us a card, then I simply didnt want to go out of my way with a thank you card. Some people may disagree, but I felt that there was no acknowledgement at all from these couples and I didnt want to thank them for that.

Did you ever think of saying to your friend that you think you may of lost her card and if there was a check in it you would want her to know it is gone and see what she says?

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

Cindy-
I'm not quite sure what I'm asking - LOL! I just keep thinking about this, now that I"m working on my thank-yous. My DH says not to send one, but I just feel really awkward not sending a thank you. The thing is, my friend and I really never talk on the phone - we're close when we see each other, and will call if we're near each other's houses, but that's about it with phone calls. I think too much time has gone by for me to call and ask at this point, but when I see her again I'm just not sure what to say. And the worst part is my DH and I just bought a house right near her, and I've wanted to call, but then this just weighs on my mind.

Ugh...what to do, what to do. I'll probably just send one so as to not feel like the "bad guy" although I didn't do anything wrong to begin with. Thanks for the help!!!

Re: No Gift--Do you send thank you card?

No, thanks for what???