I need help motivating my mom...

I had a breakdown with FH yesterday over this and I'm hoping you all can help..

my mom is not excited at all to do wedding plans and help me. She had a bad day in the very beginning of our planning and she was very negative about our top two reception halls and she made me cry. But we have done a decent amount since then and she still always seems so deadpan whenever we talk about the wedding. No excitement, interest, or happiness at all. Yesterday i was asking about getting together to visit florists and she sounded like i was being demanding or dragging her to go so I said she didn't have to go, i want her to want to go and she said she does want to but how do I get her to pep up and enjoy this with me??

Message edited 8/11/2008 5:46:19 PM.

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

no one can offer me advice?

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

You said that you had a bad day at the beginning of your planning and that she didn't like your top RH picks and you had cried. Perhaps she is afraid to get too involved and give you her opinions in the chance that it would upset you.

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

Stephanie, what do you think is the cause of Mom's disinterest? I can tell you, from my perspective, that menopause and illness (like diabetes), can affect a Mom's interest level, when she doesn't feel well. How does Mom feel about losing you as a Daughter? Does she depend on you for help in any way, and feels depressed that you're leaving? Does she like your FH? How was your relationship with Mom, before the wedding planning got under way? If you had a great, loving, relationship, perhaps you can gently and lovingly ask why she seems disinterested, and what can you say or do to help. We Moms are use to being the caretakers for everyone else, but when my Daughters say or do something that lets me know that I'm a person to them, and not just a Mom, that they love me, and are thinking about my feelings and my needs, that makes me feel that much warmer toward them. What makes your Mom happy? Could you perhaps take a day from your wedding planning, and do something special with Mom, and let her know how much you love her? Stephanie, prayers for you and Mom, that THE LORD will intervene, and help you in this situation. Mary MOB

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

Thanks! She actually called yesterday and sounded peppy about shoes she thought would be perfect for me and I was thankful and excited for her help... I hope it makes a difference! we are going dress shopping ( moh, and mob) tomorrow.

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

---

Posted by hogie2be

Thanks! She actually called yesterday and sounded peppy about shoes she thought would be perfect for me and I was thankful and excited for her help... I hope it makes a difference! we are going dress shopping ( moh, and mob) tomorrow.

---

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

Hi, I don't know your Mom's situation. Does she have a job that is very demanding or tiring? Is she caring for an elderly or sick family member? How is her health...if it is comprimised, she may have low energy to begin with. Maybe she is afraid about the financial obligations of a wedding and unsure what is expected and possibly unable to participate....which may make her feel bad.

I would try to ponder those questions and if none of them really apply, try to have a talk with her and express that you would love her to be involved. She may welcome the discussion with you. Let her choose her level of involvement....whatever she is comfortable with. Try to set up one event with her at a time, so she does not feel overwhelmed.

Good luck...let us know how it is going.

Kathy

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

nope no financial issues that I know of, my parents have explained how much they can contribute and don't care how we use it they just want it to help us which is amazing..

health, she is always battling with migraines but i can sense when she has one, usually i have one too oddly enough, but that's not it...

my sister and mom cancelled our dress appointment 2 hours before we were supposed to go

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

---

Posted by hogie2be

nope no financial issues that I know of, my parents have explained how much they can contribute and don't care how we use it they just want it to help us which is amazing..

health, she is always battling with migraines but i can sense when she has one, usually i have one too oddly enough, but that's not it...

my sister and mom cancelled our dress appointment 2 hours before we were supposed to go

---

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

Sorry to hear about the cancelled dress appointment. Are you close to your sister? Does she have any idea of what is going on?

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

I know both of them want to lose weight before buying (they do not want to hear about alterations) and at this point it is getting too close to worry about weight over actually having a dress!

Oh and my sis asked for a number of people for my bridal shower yesterday... I feel like that is not a priority right now but maybe they like doing that instead...

Re: I need help motivating my mom...

Tell them not to worry about the "losing weight" thing. A dress can always be taken in but can't be taken out. When I tried on my dress in the sample it was tight so they ordered a size bigger. Well I went for my alterations the other day and the dress has to be taken in about 5 inches. I told the seemstress I should have gotten the smaller size but she said just what I said. It can always be taken in but taking it out would have been virtually impossible.

Chris