Picking your Bridal Party

I am having trouble picking my bridal party; actually, I think I know it but am worried about asking/announcing it to my group of friends as I can't have them all; actually, there are some people who's wedding I was in but won't be having. My BIG question is "did you just let friends find out your BP was picked or did you personally tell some friends beforehand"; if so, what did you say and would you recommend me doing that????
I feel so stressed ove this decision and it doesn't seem fair. AND yes, I have heard that in all your planning, you can't make everyone happy!!!

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I knew who I wanted to be in my BP. I just asked them. I knew that everyone was going to be mad that I picked my counsin's gf and not my other counsin's gf too. I did not care. I picked who I wanted and I told my family that it is my wedding and my BP is going to consist of people that I want in it. On another note, did you check your fourm mail regarding the GTG?

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I would ask the people you want in your BP the way you'd like to ask them. As for your friends that you are not putting in, I would not say anything to them. You're not obligated to put anyone in and you don't have to explain yourself. If there are other people you'd like to "feel important" on your day - why don't you give them other roles, like a reader during the ceremony? If you have a talk with the people you don't put in, I think it would just become awkward - what would you say: "You mean a lot to me, but not as much as person A." (I'm kidding but in essence that is what you would be saying). Its tough - hang in there!

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

My bridal party consists of

Grace my matron
Cheryl my maid
jessica (FI's cousin) BM
Toni-ann (my cousin) BM
Debbie (sorority sister) BM

and can i tell you christina who is also a sorority sister was P!$$ED like you wouldnt believe when she found out I had asked Debbie and not her.

I didnt even tell her bluntly, it slipped. I was talking to her and we were talking about the sorority and all of our old friends and I said "well i am going to see Deb on Jan 18th because i am having my bridal party get together since none of my girls know each other"

well, she didnt take it very well and started complaining how she should be a bridesmaid over debbie and started giving me reasons. You have no idea how I wanted to just slap her silly.

She got me to a point where I was so mad I just said "you're not in the party, get over it"

Sometimes its just best to come right out and tell the girls. THe longer it waits, the worse they feel.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

Okay, here's someone who had MAJOR anxiety over her bridal party. I am the only girl out of three so I had to resort to my friends (I am NOT close with any cousins), so it was tough, you dont want to have 20 BMs! Anyway... I chose those girls I known the longest, which was 5, then I chose my Best Friend and my bro's GF of 8 years. So now I have 6! I chose another one out of obligation, WHICH BTW I was not happy about and the another girl, I originally did not choose! The one I didn't choose, I was in her BP. She told me NOT to feel obligated to her, anyway, since I was stressing I decided not to ask her. I spoke to her AFTER I asked my BP, this way she wasn't waiting to be asked. She ended up being totally upset and so was I. So anyway, I ended up just saying forget it and asked her! The one I asked out of obligation is no longer in my BP... whew! I probably didn't help at all! Sorry

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I asked my BEST friends - whoever I didnt choose, I gave NO explanation. I did ask 2 good friends who I didnt choose to do the readings, though. Maybe you could give them something like that to do.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I accidently deleted your message...
I did see my forum mail regarding the GTG however, I won't be able to make it. You also asked me if I did something else??? Ask me again, please...

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I chose not to have a BP, just a MOH for two reasons:

1. I do not have a big family so I really did not have people to choose from

2. I love my friends, but they are the type that is always late , which is a no no in my mind and a few of them can be cheap and picky-another no no

I really did not want to deal with the anxiety and drama that can occur so I took the easy way out.

I waited for my friends to ask me and I told them what my reasons were. They did not really say anything to me but I am sure they were somewhat offended- but oh well.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

And yes, I have been having MAJOR anxiety over this also. How many readings are there and are their any other special roles you can give people who aren't in your bridal party???

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

When I was sure who I was asking. I asked them. I did not feel I needed to explain to people that they weren't in and I just never said anything about the bridal party to them.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

No problem about the GTG. For people who are not in your BP, they can be readers (there usually are two readings), they can be hostees or greeters.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

It depends on you. I'm having 2 readings. Then there's a hostess title you can have one of them fill also.
Don't stress

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I think I have some different thoughts on this - I am having 9 and there is only 1 person who I really would have rather not asked. I just felt like it wasn't worth it to hurt an old friend's feelings and one more person wouldn't kill me. It turns out she may not be in it anyway because she may be pregnant. BUT - my dad originally wanted me to have my step-sisters. I would not have been happy about it, but I would've done it to make him happy - I just feel like this is one area where you can avoid some conflict andf one or two extra people won't make or break the bridal party -- as long as it doesn't mean cutting out someone you want to have.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I wanted to have 8 girls, but my FH only had 4 guys, and I didn't to double everyone up, so the 3 people that I couldn't ask, but would have in a heartbeat, I explained it to them. I felt I wanted to explain to them that while I did not pick you to be in my bridal party, that you are still a really good friend.

One of them really appreciated it that I had told her, even though she said it wasn't necessary to explain.

Another friend made it like a federal secret who was in the bridal party, and she made it a bigger deal then it should have been. When we asked her who was in it she would change the topic or only list her sisters.

That made the girls not in the bridal party fell a little wierd about the whole situation.

Sorry so long, and hope it helps.

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

Just a bit of advice.. REAAAALLLY think about who you want to be a part of your wedding party.. Although I am now thankful, I found out the hard way that you see who your TRUE friends are throughout this whole planning process..

best of luck to you in all your planning...

Re: Picking your Bridal Party

I had such a hard time..

I had this friend who has been so good to me as I was to her. Then when I started planning she said I can't be happy for you bc I wanted to go first..
AS IF!!!

So she is out. I don't even speak to her anymore at all..

Then I asked a friend of 16 years and she gives me a run around story.. She is out..

So I asked who has been there thick and thin and the crying nights!!!!

Moh - Kath she is my lifesavor and has been the best thing in my life.
Bm's

Laurene
Worked with her thur college.. She knows me better then I know myself..

Lisa
My old gym partner. We spent a lonly valentines day together nursing recent breakups. We bonded and she is my inspiration to the GYM

Michelle
A friend I met from Ronnie. SHe is my bella and was there when times were tuff with R&T

Darlene

PITA cousin but I love her. Enuff said

Valerie
Old best friend who I didn't speak to for 3 years. We are back talking and I missed her so much.. I will never let go again...

Allison and Samantha are my cousins and JR bm's..

Hostess is Tricia.. Old friend from HS and wanted to include her.. to be different!

So pick people you love and will always be there..

WOAH I AM OUT OF BREATHE!

Message edited 2/11/2003 3:35:02 PM.