Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

My future mom in law believes that having a card/money box will be a huge cultural shock to her friends and family and she wants me to find a discreet place for it. I am of Russian background and I know for a fact that Russian guests will bring money as gifts. She says that this wedding is turning into a charity and people don't bring money, they bring gifts. So far only 5 of her friends sent me something from the registry. So please tell me - is it really that uncommon to have a card/money box at a wedding? She wants me to hide it! Don't most guests bring money nowadays as a gift?

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

most guest bring a card with monetary gift, and love a card box because then they dont have to hold the card and figure out who to give it to

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

do her friends/family live in NY?? if so...then it's pretty typical to give $ as a gift...i find the older generations (even in NY) & OOTers prefer to give gifts...i had a card box & half OOT guests....no one had an issue with the card box...registry gift givers sent gifts before the wedding...$$$ gifts were given at the wedding...good luck!

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

Thank you girls, you've been most helpful :)!

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

The cardbox IS a new fad-it will go away when something else replaces it. Is it a normal thing to see NOW-YES! Will you see it at every wedding you go to probably not. Will it be a cultural shock-maybe. Most people WANT you to come around and say hi etc. etc. and people may get offended by the card box and take it as a personal slap in the face that they traveled, spent th eday with you and you cant even come over and GET the card from them....Me personally i dont care but I can see how it would be

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

i'm russian as well so i understand where you're coming from. my FH is as well but his family has been here longer so they're more americanized. his sister asked me if i was going to register and i asked her if she was crazy cause the only people that would buy anything from the registry would be her in laws. honestly, it's your wedding and she shouldn't be ashamed of your traditions and if she is, too bad.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

I think the registry is also used for your bridal shower - - and mostly for that but guests have the option to give a gift from there instaed of money.

I used one of those nice suitcase style boxes from Michael's as a card box and the RH put it on a column style pedestal behind our table , near the wall so it was not really obtrusive. Most guests handed us cards tho, I don't think anyone actually just put it in the box. but we decided on a box rather than the old style money bag cause when I've seen brides with that they get so overstuffed and I think that looks worse. so when we went talking to guests and they gave us cards, I did 'deposits' to the box myself.

see pic. soomeone did give us a give which was placed on top of box. but with gifts they came up to our table with them.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

Also it does not have to be a box- I have seem beautiful decorated bird cages used to hold the cards too- very elegant in my opinion- better than the card bags to carry around all nite and hopefully not misplace-or have disappear.(that happen to a friend of mine)

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

hmm.... your FMIL seems to feel pretty strong about this! i for one, have never been to a wedding where i brought a gift.... only $$ and would be confused if there wasn't a card box of some sort.

i would talk to her about this- just explain that having a card box doesn't force people into bringing money.... it can be placed on a "gift table" and people can put either a present, or money on it.

HTH

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

keep in mind that moms are often out-of-date when it comes to their sensibilities with the wedding. i don't see why the card box is a problem. what does she suggest as an alternative?

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

we used a bird cage,we didn't have it so that people would go and put the cards in themselves we actually just wanted someplace to put them after they were handed to us and i didn't want to carry a bag.

We put it on a pedestal behind our table and did not make a big deal out of it at all.

of the past 6 weddings I've been to, i'm pretty sure they all had a card box except for maybe 1

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

Money as a gift is definitely a NY/LI thing. I grew up in the midwest and never did I know of people giving money until we moved east. So if you are having a lot of OOT guests then I can understand why she might think people will be offended.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

I don't think that most couples intend for people to "deposit" their gifts in the box. It is just a convenient place to put the envelopes. Too many envelopes have gone missing when the groom tries to put them in the pocket of the tuxedo jacket as the couple walks around to mingle with the guests.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

FH and I are Greek, and even though our families have lived in America for a long time, we're not used to having card boxes. The first time I saw one was last year at a non-Greek friend's wedding.

In the Greek-American community, cards with money are given, but they are usually given directly to the couple at the end of the evening so that you can wish the couple happiness, etc. And it is at that time that the favor is also given. So, for us it was a bit of culture shock to drop the envelope impersonally into the box and have nothing to give to the couple when we said goodbye at the end of the night.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

where does your MIL live.. because giving money is a very northeast thing to do.. I don't know anyone who gives anything other than money for a wedding gift. If your MIL lives elsewhere in this country, then people do have different customs.

As far as the money box.. IMO it should be for you to put the envelopes in after people give them to you. I feel that it is more personal to receive the envelopes direnctly from the giver.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

I ahve only been to one wedding in my life that had a money box and I was absolutely horrified. I think it's quite tacky. I understand people give envelopes but in my opinion it should be done personally to the groom and bride or sometimes the bestman or father of the bride (who can then give them to the couple). However, in my culture (mostly Irish American) people quite often give presents, it's not an all cash affair.

Message edited 5/16/2008 12:36:28 AM.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

FH and I come from an Italian background... People would ask us were our money box is or were to give the gift... I guess it depends on background, but (as far as I know) you usually get gifts for your shower and $$$ for the wedding (in italian tradition anyway).. One more thing, FH and I aren't going to make a big display of it... Obviously people will know that its there but its just for our use... IMO money boxes aren't a charity or "tacky" I think it is a simple way to carry your envelopes

Message edited 5/16/2008 1:28:31 AM.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

Do it. Where is she from? I have never been to a wedding where they didnt have one. Where then do you put the cards? Most people now bring $ not gifts. Do it, its your wedding.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

I don't think ahvign the cardbox is an excuse not to go around, but some people might feel it is especially if they're older.

We had the box but what we did was made our rounds and when checks were given to us, we took them graciously and kept moving around. When our hands got too full, we made pit stops at the cardbox so it did serve its purpose and was a nice decoration. As logn as you do the traditional emet and greet so people can wish you well, you'll be fine.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

most ppl in NEW YORK give money. If you go to other places especially the south it is considered rude to give money. I personally do not like the card box. I felt that the bird cage when I went to a wedding was less offensive.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

We had the card box and probably only our close family and bridal party used it directly. We still went around and people handed us their envelopes and once we got a lot we deposited them ourselves in the box. I just felt that the bag was too easy to walk out with - the box was more secure and we knew where it was all night.

I don't see the difference between the box and having a bag that someone has to guard all night - you have to put the envelopes SOMEWHERE.

On the other hand, my SIL's family is from Ohio and to them it was rude that I was walking around with cards in my hand. Their tradition is that all gifts are given to the best man or maid of honor so the bride and groom should never be seen "collecting" the gifts.

Everyone has different ideas on what is proper - just go with what you feel is right!

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

What??? I would say 99% of the weddings I have gone to, $$$ is the gift (not a boxed gift) & the Card Chest is usually on a table along with other stuff, visible........that is the "norm" for my friends & family. I even made my own card chest (see album) to match my theme....& I am proudly displaying it! Most of the time you bring the card to the bride & groom....it will find its way to the card box.

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

Maybe it's a local thing as I am from Westchester and no one does it. I have noticed from reading this board that there are a lot of local customs all you guys do which I have never heard of or never seen at a wedding (we also don't do cake toppers for example!).

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

hey i am russian too but i have been to many weddings from different backgrounds and ppl just bring money
the box is fine
it's not like there is a beggar's sign on it
they make then really pretty and not tacky at all
tell your MIL to get over it and embrace her new russian family members!
:)

Re: Card/ Money Box - is it a rude cultural shock???

Every wedding I have been to has a gift table...you put the gift on the table. So a card box would seem a pretty normal extension of this, you don't want the card to get lost in the shuffle.
I'm pretty proper, and I can't see how this would be a problem. As someone from another part of the country, money is something parents, grandparents, older friends of the family give...it would be odd to give my contemporaries money.
On the other hand weddings cost a lot more here, and people put a lot more into it. I remember my first midwest wedding, I could not believe how little food there was. I went to a bat mitzvah where all we were served was a salad!