Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmmm. Tough situation. I am sorry I don't have better advice. Good luck.

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does he come from money or something.. thats the only reason why I coud see him asking for htis,., but I feel like if you are going thru with a wedding the first thing that comes to mind shouldnt be a prenup!

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FH and I contemplated a pre-nup.. mainly b/c FH's brother was divorced and it was bad.. but then we both decided against it.. but I still don't think it is a wedge.. it all depends on how you look at it..

a pre nup is also a will.. until you make an actual one later on.. just rethink it.. it's not about trust or anything like, it's about what you are comfortable with.. and if you really feel against it, then you two should sit down and iron things on.. as to why he wants it so bad..

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think its a good idea. u both should be protected. divorce *****. and people who divorce never thought they would on their wedding day. what makes u any different?

meanwhile, i want one but me and fh are dirt poor. what are we protecting ? but does it work like in the future if we ever have anyhting and it doesnt work out one doesnt owe the other everything?

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i would let him write it up then rip it up in his face.

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by jcslady

I think we will have to talk to a third party about it.....

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Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a very touchy situation. I think it also depends on his presentation of the subject. It would make a difference to me if he said,

"I have a coworker going through a nasty divorce and it got me thinking. If we should ever split up GOD FORBID I don't want us to hate each other and screw each other over. maybe we should make these important decisions now and hopefully NEVER have to go through with it"

OR

"I don't want you to f*ck me if we should get divorced so I wan't a prenup"

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are not getting married to get divorce so why does he wnats prenup...thi is a bad idea...it will make you upsed and him.....marriage is not about the money its about love....

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bump

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with you about starting on the wrong foot. Marriage is a huge leap of faith and commitment. and theres always a risk when you take a leap of faith like that...but thats what marriage is about, putting your trust and faith in somebody. FH and I don't even see divorce as a possibility. I know some may think thats naive but we've been together for 8 years! I was with him when he had nothing...we help each other through everything...and the future we build will be a future built together.

what if u get a pre-nup entitling you to nothing more than what you had going into the relationship and ...you have a baby...fh wants you to stay home and care of rthe baby so there is only his income...then one day he dicorces you and puts you out on your ***...should you really be entitled to nothing because you didn't work? If he even considers Divorce a possibility this early on...I'd be worried.

yeah...alot of people get divorced...and alot of divorces get messy...but then again...alot of people nowadays have no morals either... people dpn't consider that.

back in the day couples stayed together forever...there was no such thing as a pre-nup...now we've created so many options and legalities for ourselves that I really think we screwed ourselves...the more "freedom and safety" we THINK we give ourselves...the less we actually have...the higher divorce rates go...because nobody has faith in each other anymore.

ETA: didn't mean to rant but this post really got me to thinking...and i guess what i was really trying to say is...if he's not wholeheartedly sure he can trust you with his life and his future...maybe he's not quite ready for the full commitment of marriage

Message edited 2/23/2008 9:49:02 PM.

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a prenup isn't always bad....especially In a state like NY. There are some states (i.e. Texas) that no matter what everything gets split down the middle. But in NY its left up to a judge. So even if u have no prenup if you get a moody judge that day he or she may say u get nothing especially if it wasn't your money to begin with. When you get a prenup both of you get separate lawyers so you have someone working for you also....so If you have a good lawyer he can set it up so that in case anything ever does happen and you guys split you will be straight to. Some prenups for example say that you get 30% of everything that he had before the marriage and you get 50% of everything that was acquired during the marriage including real estate, ect. PLUS you may get a certain amount of money for each child you have (i.e. 25000) PLUS child support and tutition expenses for kids. There are people who do well for themselves even with prenups. Its protects both of you....atleast You know you will get something instead of nothing at all. Everyone likes to think their marriage will be a fairy tale but statistics show that half of the people on here will divorce....lets Not get caught up in the weddings but think about the marriage.

Sorry to go on and on...just My opinion....not Meant to offend anyone.

Re: ok so i think i will stop the wedding planning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so glad to hear it all worked out! Just have a HM baby!