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MikeandJess
Soy Married.
Member since 10/06 14134 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/14/2008 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Cottage
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crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
We're in NC and celebrated Christmas yesterday with FH's family. We're staying at his sister's house and his mother came by for dinner and to exchange presents. A small amount of background info on FMIL--she is an avid online dater, which is fine but she finds these people that she only speaks to on the internet and calls them her boyfriends without meeting them and she has about 6 of them at a time. For this reason, FH and I decided that she is not invited to our wedding with a date. If it was someone she knew and we knew for a while we wouldn't have a problem, but not someone she only knows from the internet. So FH tells her this and she gets angry, says that none of her children want her to be angry, and storms out of the house  I feel so bad for FH because we're only here for the week and his mother refuses to speak to him. Are we wrong here?
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Posted 12/27/07 10:04 AM 
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babieblueeyez96
I am a wife!!!
Member since 6/07 1960 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/10/2008 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau La Mer
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
awww, maybe you could explain to her why you feel the way you do??? i dont blame you, i wouldnt want some random online guy at my wedding...kind of creepy
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Posted 12/27/07 10:06 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:06 AM
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davenjess
grow Spot grow!
Member since 6/07 10872 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/31/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Fox Hollow
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Not at all......you have to be VERY, VERY careful (as i'm sure you know) of who you meet online...especially when it comes to men. You should not have to worry about who's going to show up at your wedding with her.... I'm not saying she doesn't have the right type of judgement, but you never, ever know...
Maybe he can go talk to her & ler her know if she has a steady boyfriend she has met & stayed with by that time....then he can come and an exception will be made...but anything else is not okay??
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Posted 12/27/07 10:07 AM
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Mizzdimple
Finally in Contract!
Member since 3/07 10176 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/22/2008 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
RuSsO's on Da BaY!
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
My opinion **** let her bring a date., but she shouldnt be ignoring you especially now while u were all there celebrating a holiday. That was childish.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:07 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
i agree that its weird and creepy. but she is a grown woman and the grooms mother......i just think its kind of insulting to invite her without a date...its not like she is a cousin, or a friend, she is the grooms mom and if she wants to bring a date than she should be allowed too....especially if its known that she a "boyfriend"  
Message edited 12/27/2007 10:09:04 AM.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:08 AM
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MikeandJess
Soy Married.
Member since 10/06 14134 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/14/2008 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Cottage
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by Future Mulligan
i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.
She'd be allowed to bring a date if she was seriously dating someone, she's not and we're scared of who she'd actually bring, the man she's talking about bringing now is MARRIED. But last year she talked about bringing someone else, who knows who she'd actually bring by the time of the wedding. We are not talking about a stable woman here
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Posted 12/27/07 10:08 AM
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LauraD419
My thank yous are DONE!!
Member since 10/07 2160 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/19/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
I understand your point, but I kind of see hers too. Sit her down and explain it to her. Maybe you can come to a compromise. She can bring someone but you want to meet him first so he's not a stranger to you. HTH
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Posted 12/27/07 10:08 AM
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beachbum05
Mrs. Ihavetoomanylettersnow
Member since 8/06 9531 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/21/2008 5:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Is it bad that I just spit my coffee out on the computer?
Jess, no one tells a story better than you. Seriously.
In answer to your question - NOOOOO - you are SO not wrong! Who the eff knows what/who she's going to show up with. I would be so weirded out.
The flip side is that she ISSSSS a grown up and should be allowed to make her own decisions regarding her love life. Who knows - maybe it would make her happy?
But if it were ME, and I knew the whole background and sordid details of her serial-online-dating, I'd totally be against it too. 
I feel bad for Mike though. Maybe a compromise would be to meet the person she wants to bring? Are they local?
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Posted 12/27/07 10:09 AM
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catsgirl
lov'n my hubbie........
Member since 3/07 3753 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/7/2008 1:30 PM
Wed. Location:
JOHNSTOWN
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
stand your ground, you and fh are right about this, i would not want some random person at my wedding that nobody knows nothing about.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:10 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by MikeandJess
Posted by Future Mulligan
i can see how she woud be upset.....i dont think its a big deal to invite her with a guest.....i can see how she would be insulted that she isnt allowed to bring a date.
She'd be allowed to bring a date if she was seriously dating someone, she's not and we're scared of who she'd actually bring, the man she's talking about bringing now is MARRIED. But last year she talked about bringing someone else, who knows who she'd actually bring by the time of the wedding. We are not talking about a stable woman here
that is very sad  i feel bad for her....sounds like she needs help.....
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Posted 12/27/07 10:10 AM
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Kimbalina
Happy Thanksgiving!
Member since 1/07 15570 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/8/2008 8:00 AM
Wed. Location:
The Inn at East Wind
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
I would be 'nervous' about who she would show up with, However being that she is the Mother of The Groom, I would let her bring a date.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:12 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by beachbum05
Is it bad that I just spit my coffee out on the computer?
Jess, no one tells a story better than you. Seriously.
In answer to your question - NOOOOO - you are SO not wrong! Who the eff knows what/who she's going to show up with. I would be so weirded out.
The flip side is that she ISSSSS a grown up and should be allowed to make her own decisions regarding her love life. Who knows - maybe it would make her happy?
But if it were ME, and I knew the whole background and sordid details of her serial-online-dating, I'd totally be against it too.
I feel bad for Mike though. Maybe a compromise would be to meet the person she wants to bring? Are they local?
i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....
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Posted 12/27/07 10:15 AM
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beachbum05
Mrs. Ihavetoomanylettersnow
Member since 8/06 9531 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/21/2008 5:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by Future Mulligan
i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....
Yeah - tough situation. But it seems like, going off of Jess' info, I'd be really leery of having her bring someone. I mean, if her own SON feels that way about his mothers' "boyfriends" there's something to be said for it.
It doesn't seem like mom has been dating 1 person that she's met several times and the family knows. These are random men that she's never met in person, and there are more than 1 of them.
After watching "To Catch a Predator" a billion times, I'm more apt to be overly cautious.
Like I said, if I were you Jess, I'd say that they need to meet. It's not a matter of "mom, I don't love you enough to invite you with a date." It's a plain and simple safety issue.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:22 AM
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Snowflake08
We're having a baby boy!!
Member since 10/06 13528 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/2/2008 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Can't Wait!!!!
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Jess
you know how i feel about this and you are NOT wrong at all
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Posted 12/27/07 10:24 AM
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futuremrsfab
Mrs. Fabulous!
Member since 3/07 7039 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/12/2008 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Sans Souci of Sea Cliff- A+++++++++++++
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
i typed this whole long thing & then got logged out 
my fmil has terrible judgement when it comes to men- she always has and FH also did not want to invite her with a date because he was afraid she would bring someone that he didnt approve of.... BUT, since she is his mom, I dont want to invite her to the wedding without a guest- so we are going to talk to her about who she brings and hope that it goes ok.... (fingers crossed)
on another note, I dont think it's very nice that she is ignoring your FH- can someone in the family talk to her?- you guys are down there for a short time and its the holidays  i hope everything works out!
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Posted 12/27/07 10:25 AM
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NapaValleyGirl
We're married now!
Member since 5/07 4323 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/20/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked!
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
You are SO not wrong.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:26 AM
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Espo22
Mrs. Espo
Member since 11/06 48891 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/17/2008 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
you're not wrong at all for wanting to bring some random guy she might never have met, or some married man or who knows what other type of men...unfortunately though she is a grown woman and as the mother she should be able to bring whomever she wants...BUT i would say instead of telling her she can't do it which will just upset bc of how its being said, maybe your FH can sit down and talk to her and say that he would just like it if she didn't bring some guy shes never met, or a married man...she should respect your wishes about bringing complete strangers off the internet, and especially a married man whom you don't feel should be at YOUR wedding.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:26 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by beachbum05
Posted by Future Mulligan
i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....
Yeah - tough situation. But it seems like, going off of Jess' info, I'd be really leery of having her bring someone. I mean, if her own SON feels that way about his mothers' "boyfriends" there's something to be said for it.
It doesn't seem like mom has been dating 1 person that she's met several times and the family knows. These are random men that she's never met in person, and there are more than 1 of them.
After watching "To Catch a Predator" a billion times, I'm more apt to be overly cautious.
Like I said, if I were you Jess, I'd say that they need to meet. It's not a matter of "mom, I don't love you enough to invite you with a date." It's a plain and simple safety issue.
if that is the case Mom should be getting help and that should the priority - not if she can bring a guest or not to the wedding......if i were that concerned about my mom and who she was dating then i would try and get her some sort of professional help or have an intervention.....if it wasnt at that point then i would just let her bring her online friend - its better than ruining the relationship with my mother or MIL.....it is def a sucky situation......i guess i would leave the decision up to the groom - its his mother....
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Posted 12/27/07 10:30 AM
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Snowflake08
We're having a baby boy!!
Member since 10/06 13528 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/2/2008 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Can't Wait!!!!
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by Future Mulligan
Posted by beachbum05
Posted by Future Mulligan
i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....
Yeah - tough situation. But it seems like, going off of Jess' info, I'd be really leery of having her bring someone. I mean, if her own SON feels that way about his mothers' "boyfriends" there's something to be said for it.
It doesn't seem like mom has been dating 1 person that she's met several times and the family knows. These are random men that she's never met in person, and there are more than 1 of them.
After watching "To Catch a Predator" a billion times, I'm more apt to be overly cautious.
Like I said, if I were you Jess, I'd say that they need to meet. It's not a matter of "mom, I don't love you enough to invite you with a date." It's a plain and simple safety issue.
if that is the case Mom should be getting help and that should the priority - not if she can bring a guest or not to the wedding......if i were that concerned about my mom and who she was dating then i would try and get her some sort of professional help or have an intervention.....if it wasnt at that point then i would just let her bring her online friend - its better than ruining the relationship with my mother or MIL.....it is def a sucky situation......i guess i would leave the decision up to the groom - its his mother....
well, easier said then done
admission is the first step to recovery and obviously this "grown" woman doesnt see a problem with her behavior so that is really not the issue
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Posted 12/27/07 10:33 AM
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AMGBride2008
A ghra mo chroi/Love of my <3
Member since 6/06 7484 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/3/2008 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
CLM
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by Future Mulligan
i wouldnt want a random online weird guy at my wedding either - but its the grooms mom.....how do you tell a grown woman - the grooms mother that she isnt allowed to have a date? i dont know, i cant picture telling my mom or his mom that she isnt allowed to bring a date....
The thing is though, this is a wedding, not the prom. For the mother of the groom, a random date isn't acceptable or appropriate. She'll be too busy saying hello to everyone to even hang with her new online man of the moment.
Jess... I would stick to your guns on this one. She'll get over it.
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Posted 12/27/07 10:38 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
i think its all easier said than done.....i just couldnt imagine telling my FMIL that she isnt allowed to bring a date.....i wouldnt want to ruin my relationship with my FMIL over her bringing a date to the wedding....i rather not hurt my FMIL's feelings and start a fight - i think i would just give her the option and PRAY that she came solo....obviously it hurt her feelings that she isnt allowed to bring someone - and i wouldnt want to do that....maybe by the wedding she will be settled down with one guy?
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Posted 12/27/07 10:46 AM
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Snowflake08
We're having a baby boy!!
Member since 10/06 13528 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/2/2008 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Can't Wait!!!!
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by Future Mulligan
i think its all easier said than done.....i just couldnt imagine telling my FMIL that she isnt allowed to bring a date.....i wouldnt want to ruin my relationship with my FMIL over her bringing a date to the wedding....i rather not hurt my FMIL's feelings and start a fight - i think i would just give her the option and PRAY that she came solo....obviously it hurt her feelings that she isnt allowed to bring someone - and i wouldnt want to do that....maybe by the wedding she will be settled down with one guy?
if she isnt contributing to the wedding, and really doesnt "have a say" i have NO problem telling her this
LOL
apparently the groom didnt either
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Posted 12/27/07 10:51 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 8264 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
Posted by Snowflake08
Posted by Future Mulligan
i think its all easier said than done.....i just couldnt imagine telling my FMIL that she isnt allowed to bring a date.....i wouldnt want to ruin my relationship with my FMIL over her bringing a date to the wedding....i rather not hurt my FMIL's feelings and start a fight - i think i would just give her the option and PRAY that she came solo....obviously it hurt her feelings that she isnt allowed to bring someone - and i wouldnt want to do that....maybe by the wedding she will be settled down with one guy?
if she isnt contributing to the wedding, and really doesnt "have a say" i have NO problem telling her this
LOL
apparently the groom didnt either
LOL well at least Jess's groom will do the dirty work!
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Posted 12/27/07 11:01 AM
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Mrs. V 2008
Yay! Thanks for making me NOTW
Member since 9/06 20958 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/15/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Watermill A++++++++++++++
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Re: crazy FMIL! (kind of long, sorry)
no! not at all..i think i would do the same thing...I would definately try talking to her about it and explain what bothers you
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Posted 12/27/07 11:11 AM
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