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HappyPlanner
Board Fanatic
Member since 10/07 280 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/27/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked!
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Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
So before I joined this board, I seriously was clueless about price per head for weddings. Now that I'm looking up the reception halls that I've been too, I'm worried that I didn't give enough in the past.I mean I know a lot of factors vary..some of the weddings I've been to were about 5-7 years ago. and most of the time I was a poor student or unemployeed, however what exactly is the etiquette?
Are you really supposed to give as much as the person spends per head? Or you give as much as you can? I've always thought I've given a decent amount. I even send wedding/shower gifts to out of town weddings that I can't attend. My friend told me that if you know a place is $$$, don't even bother going or bringing a date!!! Yikes..
HELP! I never thought I was cheap, just want to be more aware...anyone else with these issues? Maybe I'm just stressing for no reason.
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Posted 10/25/07 10:38 AM 
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AllyDrew1108
It's going by too fast!
Member since 9/07 1839 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/8/2008 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Riviera
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I don't care if it sounds cheap, I always gave $200 from both FH and me no matter who it was or wherer it was. That is all we could afford. I added it all up and I've spent like $1500 on weddings in like less than 2 yrs!
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Posted 10/25/07 10:45 AM
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dewdrop
Board Fanatic
Member since 7/07 524 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/3/2008 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
wow, i'm in the same boat. i was clueless before all my planning began, now i'm embarrassed as to what i gave as gifts! even if i was a bridesmaid, i wish i gave more! weddings are expensive. why don't people know this??? excuse me, why didn't I know this? 
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Posted 10/25/07 10:53 AM
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Dr Meg
E-party & E-Pics this month
Member since 9/07 1089 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/6/2009 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Crescent Beach Club
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I have always tried to cover the cost of the dinner for friends and people I wasn't that close with, and gave a bit more for family and very close friends. But if you gave what you could afford then you shouldn't feel bad.
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Posted 10/25/07 10:56 AM
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DeannaNDave07
Waiting for my miracle
Member since 8/07 5553 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/8/2007 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by blurgirlny
I don't care if it sounds cheap, I always gave $200 from both FH and me no matter who it was or wherer it was. That is all we could afford. I added it all up and I've spent like $1500 on weddings in like less than 2 yrs!
i agree... i always gave $200 unless i was in the wedding then i would give a little more.
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Posted 10/25/07 10:58 AM
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dewdrop
Board Fanatic
Member since 7/07 524 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/3/2008 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by Dr Meg
I have always tried to cover the cost of the dinner for friends and people I wasn't that close with, and gave a bit more for family and very close friends. But if you gave what you could afford then you shouldn't feel bad.
true dat. i did give what i could afford. 
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Posted 10/25/07 10:58 AM
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HappyPlanner
Board Fanatic
Member since 10/07 280 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/27/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked!
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I guess it's cuz I hear brides AFTer they get married talk about ( in general terms) what they got, etc..and I feel kinda bad. I didn't know that there was a rule? I thought people know that you don't make your money back at weddings. (unless a Chinese banquet  )...
Yikes...I know I'm just being paranoid...But honestly I had no clue!!! Also not to be defensive, but most of the weddings from 5-7 years ago, werent as much as they are now..right? I mean there is inflation..I guess that makes me feel better!
Message edited 10/25/2007 11:00:44 AM.
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Posted 10/25/07 11:00 AM
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JnD110808
Board Fanatic
Member since 9/07 802 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/8/2008 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Leonard's of Great Neck
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I usually give $300 for me and my fh and if it's a close friend $500. I try to cover the plate, but I think you give what you can afford to give.
Message edited 10/25/2007 11:10:17 AM.
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Posted 10/25/07 11:09 AM
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Future Mulligan
always & forever
Member since 7/07 5790 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Dome Room at Jericho Terrace
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by Dr Meg
I have always tried to cover the cost of the dinner for friends and people I wasn't that close with, and gave a bit more for family and very close friends. But if you gave what you could afford then you shouldn't feel bad.
i agree - we always try to at least cover what we think our dinner cost and of course our close friends/family will get extra. luckily we havent been in a position where we couldnt afford it BUT if we were, I would give what I could afford. people should be understanding - and as a bride i don't expect a certain amount of $ from people - i am happy with anything that they give. there are a lot of people in my family who surprised me with what they gave at my eparty. they were very generous and i would have never expected half of the gifts that we received. i actually felt bad accepting some of them. it was very nice of them.
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Posted 10/25/07 11:25 AM
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HappyPlanner
Board Fanatic
Member since 10/07 280 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/27/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked!
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
What about protocol for out of town weddings that you can't attend?
Do you give as much as you would if you were to attend. ANd also if they invite you +1 guest does that mean you cover for 2 ppl or just yourself?
Yeah this definitely stresses me out..don't want to be cheap but sometimes you just don't know. I mean if someone wants to spend crazy amount on their wedding, they shouldn't get preferential treatment over someone that didn't. I think it really is by the person (close or not).
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Posted 10/25/07 11:34 AM
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bluegreen08
OOT till 8/10... 168Y, 75N
Member since 4/07 6432 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/17/2008 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I have a feeling most of our friends will be in this boat (giving small gifts bc they honestly don't know) since none of our friends are married yet
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Posted 10/25/07 11:52 AM
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JBoothIn2008
Less is more.
Member since 3/07 5675 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/25/2008 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
You do not need to cover the plate charge. They are throwing this wedding because they want to have a party and they are inviting you because they want you to be a part of their day, not because they want you to repay them for the day!!!! If someone chose to have their wedding at a very expensive place, does that mean you need to give MORE because they chose to spend a fortune on the party? Absolutely not. $200-300 from a couple is absolutely fine. And if you couldn't give that because you didn't have the money, if you give what you can or a heartfelt gift, that's fine too. It SHOULD BE the thought that counts. It is a gift, not a repayment.
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Posted 10/25/07 12:18 PM
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jtgarsik
CrAzY 'BoUt tHe HubBy :)
Member since 11/05 7619 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/1/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
okay - "ettiquette" wise, yes - u try to cover your plate...but honestly - these days some places are SO $$$$$....DH and i were in no way EXPECTING to get back everything we paid...if someone gave us a generous gift then great, if not - we are NOT people that judge. I think people give what they can afford. ie: i KNOW that my starving college friends weren't going to give the same as my uncle who has his own accounting firm! Like i said, people give what they can afford..either they CAN give or WANT to give...everyone's situation is different. and u can't judge...don't worry!
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Posted 10/25/07 12:19 PM
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zoe282
Im married!!!
Member since 8/07 2125 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/14/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hotel Bethlehem Pennsylvania
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I think covering a plate was the ettiquette a while ago, i don't see how any wedding guest can keep up with the prices of weddings anymore! I say you give what you can. I don't see how a guest is responsible for someone choosing paying out the A$$ for their wedding. And i also don't think someone should get less for being responsible and not being able to afford an extravagent wedding. Personally I say have a set amount you give and stick to that.
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Posted 10/25/07 12:29 PM
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vika111
Love Love Love
Member since 8/07 1204 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/22/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Passage Palace
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I think it depends on the expenses of the wedding, so every time I try to cover the plate charge ($200-$300 per couple)
Now that I have my own wedding, I am glad that I've been doing that b/c I'm depending on the same amount from the guests.
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Posted 10/25/07 2:34 PM
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DeeluvsVinny
Invited: 341 Y: 45 N:5
Member since 8/07 1877 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/23/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
MDR
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
I don't believe in the "covering your plate" idea...okay so If someone spent $150 pp and I give $150 pp....what about flowers, dj, limos, photographer...how come that isn't included. I KNOW a lot f my friends won't be able to gift us what we're paying pp. they probably wouldn't even think we'd spend as much as we are. We chose to have this wedding because we want it this way, not because we want more $$ as gifts.
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Posted 10/25/07 3:04 PM
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zoe282
Im married!!!
Member since 8/07 2125 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/14/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hotel Bethlehem Pennsylvania
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Right on!!!! Said perfectly!
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Posted 10/25/07 3:06 PM
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FuTuRe MrS MaZz
Ocean City, MD: TODAY!!!!!!!!!
Member since 5/07 7944 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/2/2009 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
i always thought you should definately cover the plate and at least try to give extra on top as a "gift" if you can
eta: let me just be devils advocate for a sec here.... it seems like alot of you are saying when you go to a wedding it shouldnt be a "have to cover the plate" kinda thing.... yet when you open those envelopes at your own wedding and see that some people "cheaped" out on ya, you're not gonna be thrilled.... put yourself in their shoes!!!
Message edited 10/25/2007 3:12:28 PM.
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Posted 10/25/07 3:09 PM
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MsPotterhead
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 5/07 1348 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/13/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
I don't believe in the "covering your plate" idea...okay so If someone spent $150 pp and I give $150 pp....what about flowers, dj, limos, photographer...how come that isn't included. I KNOW a lot f my friends won't be able to gift us what we're paying pp. they probably wouldn't even think we'd spend as much as we are. We chose to have this wedding because we want it this way, not because we want more $$ as gifts.
I agree! If I had two friends that were equally important to me, and one got married off-season for $60 pp and another got married in season at the fanciest place possible for $250 a person, I would give them both the same gift. I don't think you should give a greater gift because someone chose to be more extravagant.
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Posted 10/25/07 4:11 PM
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beram63
flowers: check!
Member since 8/07 2129 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/11/2009 6:15 PM
Wed. Location:
West Sayville Country Club
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
i usually give $200 if it's me and fh. honestly, i think the cost of weddings is completely out of control--blood money as far as i'm concerned. i respect every girl's right to plan the wedding of her dreams, but i don't have to foot the bill. we can't afford to spend a ton of money above what people will give on our own wedding, which is why we're choosing a place that we can get for close to $100 pp. it's hard enough to make it as a young person on li without that pressure, so i don't expect people to overextend themselves bc i organized a pricey party.
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Posted 10/25/07 4:50 PM
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HappyPlanner
Board Fanatic
Member since 10/07 280 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/27/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked!
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Agreed!!! Thanks ladies!!
I feel better now. I know that if they are my real friends, they 'shouldn't judge' and respect you as a friend, not how much you gave them!
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Posted 10/25/07 4:52 PM
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Brian and Marie
We're going to be PARENTS!!!
Member since 11/06 5795 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/4/2007 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Flowerfield A+
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by JnD110808
I usually give $300 for me and my fh and if it's a close friend $500. I try to cover the plate, but I think you give what you can afford to give.
Thats exactly what we give!!
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Posted 10/25/07 4:58 PM
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FutureMrsRice
blissfully married
Member since 1/07 1738 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/19/2008 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Somewhere Lovely!
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
You do not need to cover the plate charge. They are throwing this wedding because they want to have a party and they are inviting you because they want you to be a part of their day, not because they want you to repay them for the day!!!! If someone chose to have their wedding at a very expensive place, does that mean you need to give MORE because they chose to spend a fortune on the party? Absolutely not. $200-300 from a couple is absolutely fine. And if you couldn't give that because you didn't have the money, if you give what you can or a heartfelt gift, that's fine too. It SHOULD BE the thought that counts. It is a gift, not a repayment.
Ditto!!
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Posted 10/25/07 6:03 PM
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Summer07Bride
Freedom Until 9/2 :)
Member since 6/06 4565 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/21/2007 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow A
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by HappyPlanner
I guess it's cuz I hear brides AFTer they get married talk about ( in general terms) what they got, etc..and I feel kinda bad. I didn't know that there was a rule? I thought people know that you don't make your money back at weddings. (unless a Chinese banquet )...
There is no rule and I really do believe you should give what you can afford. If someone chooses a hall that costs 250 pp that was their choice and you should not feel obliged to give 500. JMHO
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Posted 10/25/07 6:43 PM
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betani
slowly but surely...
Member since 8/06 1589 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/5/2008 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
the irish coffee pub
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Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!
Posted by jboothin2008
You do not need to cover the plate charge. They are throwing this wedding because they want to have a party and they are inviting you because they want you to be a part of their day, not because they want you to repay them for the day!!!! If someone chose to have their wedding at a very expensive place, does that mean you need to give MORE because they chose to spend a fortune on the party? Absolutely not. $200-300 from a couple is absolutely fine. And if you couldn't give that because you didn't have the money, if you give what you can or a heartfelt gift, that's fine too. It SHOULD BE the thought that counts. It is a gift, not a repayment.
exactly. i know i would never even expect a gift from my close friends and family (and that's being honest). i'm just glad they can be there to celebrate the day with me. if they chose to give a gift as well, that's more than generous.
on the flip side, i try to give what i can afford and heartfelt. i personally know my friends/family and they feel the same way i do on the gift issue (that's why we get along so well).
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Posted 10/25/07 7:34 PM
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