living situation ???

me and my fi have just found an apartment, we are getting married oct 20th of this year. We both live with our parents now. We are supposed to move in sept 13 th, but my parents (very old fashioned) are forcing me to wait until we are married to move in together. so My fi will stay in the apartment until our wed. I think that this is a bit crazy, but my parents are being so ridiculous about it, has anyone else experieced this problem?

Re: living situation ???

I would never marry without living with my partner for sometime first. To be quite honest, I don't think I would even get engaged to someone unless I was living with them. I believe the relationship is different when you live with someone 24/7 as opposed to living together part-time or not at all.

Re: living situation ???

I agree with Jenny, however, I know of many people that are in your situation...I suggest you speak to your parents...

Re: living situation ???

I still officially live at home but I do stay over my FH apartment part time and my family is fine with that but all my stuff is still at home and I am not officially living there until we are married which is in about a month. Since we have been engaged I have been over more but my parents wouldn't want me to officially be living there yet until after marriege. I do think it is good to be there some of the time to see how you live together and just because we are together part time I do not think that we do not know what it is like living together. It gives you something to look forward too when you aren't together all of the time anyway that is my opinion.

Re: living situation ???

my parents are the same as your antionette. Honestly in my opionion, I don't think it is necessary to live with someone before you get married. Are you allowed to stay at your apartment on the weekends?

Re: living situation ???

I don't understand the problem. What do you mean that your parents are forcing you? You are an adult - tell them that you appreciate their opinion but you make your own decisions.

Re: living situation ???

actually i do stay with my fi on the weekends and its not that bad, we go away togehter alot as well, i agree with my parents and we havent lived together for 5 years but i thought it was going to be a pain to move him in the apartment and then move myself in the day after my honeymoon- as if i had nothing to do that day!!

Re: living situation ???

my parents are not forcing me but they have done so much to help me with the wedding and they say that this is their only 1 request and i should give them this...also they say that older relatives will think ill of me!

Re: living situation ???

My brother was in the same situation as you. He and his FI got there apartment in May and she could not move in until after marriage (August). My brother waited until June/July to move in himself. It wasn't too bad.

Honestly it is only a coouple weeks...I would just not make a big deal out of it. You will probably be so busy decorating and finishing your wedding planning that the time will fly. But if it very important to you, I would let your parents know that.

I live with my FI and his mom wasn't too happy about it. It was very important to me for us to live together beofre marriage. He had to tell his mom that he was an adult and capable of making his own mind up.

Re: living situation ???

MY FI and I got a house back in June and I have not moved in yet!! (The house is under MAJOR construction, so I don't want to be there yet anyway) but I always said I didn't want to live with him until after the wedding IMO its makes the whole newlywed thing more exciting. Thats JMO!! I have been with my FI for over 6 years, we have spent may nights together, so I know exactly what I am getting myself into. OK Actually the truth is he snores, really loud and it keeps me awake...so I don't want to have to share a room until I absolutely have to

You have waited this long...whats another month. Besides I'm sure you can spend a few nights there

Re: living situation ???

I guess that is the price to pay for financial help from parents - they get to have a say.

If its only a minor inconvienence, just wait.

Im not much help here as I have never listened to parental advice nor relied on them for financial help.

Re: living situation ???

I did not move in with my now-husband until after the wedding. However , I was moving as much of my stuff as I could in beforehand, and decorating, buying furniture, etc. It was important to my parents that I live home, so it was no big deal. Hectic, but not too bad.

Re: living situation ???

My fiancee and I have an apartment but we are not going to live together until after we are married. Although, we do spend weekends together there.

Re: living situation ???

We just got an apt. last week together! He's moving in next week and my stuff is moving in slowly but I'm going to stay there part time until the wedding. (weekends and maybe 1 night during the week)

Honestly, I've been doing this for 4 years and it's fine. I've saved so much money living at home with my parents...so to me, it's worth it. Plus, when we come back from the honeymoon, I want it to be special that I am actually there full-time!

Be moved in completely the week before your wedding and leave some clothes behind at your house so you don't have to do it when you come back from your honeymoon. That's what we're doing and so far, it's been fine.

It stinks that parents act the way they do. My mom didn't want me moving in beforehand either. Somtimes it's better to just suck it up, rather than make waves before the big day!

Re: living situation ???

hi antoinette- i dont live with my fiance either! we both still live at home with our family. both of our famalies are old school italians which i get that same feeling through your story! i dont feel you need to live with someone before you mrry him! a few suprises are sometimes good. you get to experiance new things together. hey thats the way they did it back then and it worked so hopefully the tradition will continue! dont stress it you only have a month to go. enjoy the rest of the time at home with the family b/c once your out you will miss it!

Message edited 9/5/2002 12:00:52 PM.

Re: living situation ???

ewww.......look at the way i spelt families..... didnt even realize it!

Re: living situation ???

Scott and I live together and have since 2 months prior to our engagement. I think it is a personal decision that you need to make. If you feel very strongly about it then tell your parents that you will be at both places. BUT not one of my "older" relatives has ever thought ill of my living with Scott. I am 32 years old and have not lived home since I graduated college. It is really something that each person needs to decide for themselves.

Re: living situation ???

What if you move your things but still live with parents? Just keep the few things in your parents place, and nobody from extended family needs to know you're moving in before!!!

Re: living situation ???

My FI and I moved in together a month before we got engaged. My parents weren't too happy about it at first but we did it mostly for financial reasons and they became fine with it. It just wasn't practical for each of us to have our own place when we're always together at one. Do what you feel is right but if it's only for a couple of months I wouldn't rock the boat with the parents. Best of luck!

Re: living situation ???

I am in the same situation. I am getting married in March and we just got our apt b/c one of our family members offered us an apartment in one of their other houses to help us save money. (thank goodness) We have to do a lot of work but once its done my FH is going to move in but I'm not. We both live at home and we never wanted to move into together until we got married. We wanted to have something to look forward to once we got married b/c we gone away and stayed over each others houses so we know what each others habits are and likes/dislikes. I also am using the next 7 months to spend more time with my mom and dad before I move out.

Re: living situation ???

My opinion is if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough not to listen to your parents and do what you want. If they get mad, that's their problem, not yours... I hope this isn't too harsh...

Re: living situation ???

You should just move the stuff that you know your not going to need on a daily basis. Like all your winter clothes & such bring to your place. Bring a few thing every chance you get. It will make the whole process alot more easier on you & everyone involved. It could also be that your parents are just not ready to let you go yet. And to me that wouldn't be a hassle that would make me feel loved. So look at it that way. I'm sure it's not an easy thing for them to do!

Re: living situation ???

We both still live at home. We're planning on getting a place in March/April and our wedding is in July.

I don't think my parents would have a problem with it, but I kind of understand your parents' feelings.

Just talk it over with them. If they hear your feelings, maybe they will reconsider.

Re: living situation ???

This is a very personal decision.

I live with my FH, much to my father's dismay. If it were up to him, I'd be under his belly all day, being a little innocent princess. But this cannot be.
I've had to put my foot down many times to show I am an adult, but this has not been easy on me or my poor siblings who always get caught in the middle (I'm the baby)

I say all this to make a point. My independence was very important to me, and I did whatever I had to, rocked all the boats, to obtain it. My Dad still hates the idea, but he loves me, and has calmed down, and had not "disowned" me.
If you want it bad enough, no one should stop you, however your Family peace may be more important to you, and in that case, you should just stay home and keep the peace.

We all have our opinions, none right or wrong, but it's totally up to you to weigh the pros/cons and what it most important to you.

If you rock the boat, be prepared for the consequences. In my case, I was prepared, and I don't regret my decision at all.

Hope this helps.
Liz

Re: living situation ???

i am in the same situation...my fh lives in our future home and i'm not allowed to saty there until we get married!! it's kind of ridiculous, but it's also good because it builds the anticipation

i think if we already lived together and then got married it might not be as exciting??? (jmo)