Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding-UPDATE

Thank you all so much for the input on this. It made FH and I decide that we are going to ask that he leave his gun at home. I am co-hosting another BM's baby shower in a few weeks with this person so I am going to wait until after that to have the conversation, just in case it does not go well. I love this site, and all the supportive ladies on it!


One of my BM's, who is also a great friend has recently moved in with her boyfriend who is a NYC police Officer. He carries a gun 24/7 and makes sure that it is visible to anyone around him. He will put it in the middle of the dinner table when you have dinner at his house, this has happened twice. He also goes out drinking with it on. He is very "aggressive" about his job and loves to tell stories about beating "perps" up. Our issue is that we do not agree with this, and find it scary. We are going to have children, and open bar at our wedding and do not want his gun there. He will not come to our home because he is not allowed to bring his gun. If we tell him to please not bring it to the wedding, I am guessing my friend will drop out. She stands by him 100%, no matter what. What would you do?

Message edited 11/30/2006 8:57:01 PM.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

I would simply tell her the truth. The two of them are invited but the gun isn't. If she drops out, then she isn't a good enough friend to care about your feelings and you are better off without her.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

He sounds a little crazy to me. No offense. This is your wedding...... If he brings it, make sure it is where no one can see or touch it. If your friend doesn't understand your point of view, um......well.... who wouldn't understand why you don't want a gun on the table at your wedding? I am sorry you even have to worry about this. I wish you luck!!!

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

That's a tricky situation. My aunt and uncle had a similar situation at their wedding with a good friend of theirs. This guy (also NYPD) was in their wedding and brought his gun. He got totally polluted and was telling ppl at the reception that he had his gun with him and even showed some ppl. My aunt and uncle didn't know any of this until after the reception and they were really annoyed. It just wasn't was really innappropriate and dangerous. I would try to talk to the couple and explain your concerns and hopefully they will understand. Good Luck..

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

HELL NO!!!! There is no reason to have a gun at a wedding.

People drinking...could get rowdy or someone could just mistakenly step on someone's foot and get them upset....then having a gun around will not help the situation any.


I would stick to your gut....if your friend chooses her bf and his idiot-ness over your wedding day, shes not worth it.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

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Posted by superkat

I would simply tell her the truth. The two of them are invited but the gun isn't. If she drops out, then she isn't a good enough friend to care about your feelings and you are better off without her.

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Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

Tell him that your RH doesn't allow guns and I am almost sure that if they did see a gun on the table they probably would say something.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

OMG! I'm incredibly passionate about my profession as well - but I'm not bringing a stethescope!!!

What the heck? Of course he can't bring a gun if you don't want him too. It's your wedding and you get to say who's invited. I would feel so incredibly uncomfortable if someone brought a gun to my wedding. And not only would I feel uncomfortable, I'd actually feel "unsafe" b/c I don't think this person is stable enough to even own a gun. If he thinks he needs to have a gun at all times to protect himself, well then I'd say he has a Paranoid Personality Disorder.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

I would trust your gut....If you think it will be a problem, then "Just say No!"

If your friend drops out...Oh well......you have plenty of other friends who respect you more than she does....Sorry! JMO

Maybe the guy should choose something that is important to his girlfriend over his gun....

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

THANK YOU LADIES!! Keep them coming--PLEASE!! I need lots of courage to talk to her and explain my situation.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

Tell him the reception hall has a no gun policy. They probably do!

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

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Posted by EverlovingEv

OMG! I'm incredibly passionate about my profession as well - but I'm not bringing a stethescope!!!

What the heck? Of course he can't bring a gun if you don't want him too. It's your wedding and you get to say who's invited. I would feel so incredibly uncomfortable if someone brought a gun to my wedding. And not only would I feel uncomfortable, I'd actually feel "unsafe" b/c I don't think this person is stable enough to even own a gun. If he thinks he needs to have a gun at all times to protect himself, well then I'd say he has a Paranoid Personality Disorder.

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Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

OMG i cant believe that he is that crazy. I'm also a police officer and ill tell ya one thing i sure as hell am not going to have my gun strapped onto my garter belt the day of my wedding! All i have to say as a cop is that it is very irresponsible of him to have his gun present at an event where there will be alcohol, he should know better to leave it at home, locked and in a safe place. Its YOUR wedding, remember that, and if your friend is a TRUE friend she'll understand and respect your requests as to not having her bf bring his gun, its one night w/o his lil gun i'm sure he'll be fine. Honestly unless your having your own security at the door which I dont think you are but what police action is he really gonna take at your beautiful wedding. Speak your mind and stick to YOUR guns...good luck and i wish you the best!!!

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

Yeah...No gun.
Even if it was covered...tell him its going to be left in the car.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

My brother was like that the first few years on the job <cop> but doesn't drink booze at all..never has. But anyway like everyone said NO GUNS at the hall. Insurance doesn't cover it.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

Stand strong on this one.

There is absolutely NO NEED to bring a gun to a wedding and if he doesn't see that, too bad.

First of all, its too dangerous with alcohol involved and all those people...

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

My DH's cousin is a retired NYPD cop. I didn't care that he wears his gun...but he is discrete and very stable. This person however does not sound as stable. I would put your foot down and say no.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

That would scare me too if someone was making it known that he had a gun. I have two children myself so that would really concern me as well.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

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Posted by NinaChris07

Stand strong on this one.

There is absolutely NO NEED to bring a gun to a wedding and if he doesn't see that, too bad.

First of all, its too dangerous with alcohol involved and all those people...

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Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

i would flat out tell him....if he can't respect that so be it

and isn't there some sort of policy about an officer having their gun while their drinking??? why do i think that is prohibited

Message edited 11/29/2006 9:29:03 PM.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

I actually been to a wedding where the sister of the bride and her husband were both cops. they had their gun on their belts the whole time. There's no reason to put a gun in the middle of the table--aside from showing it off-.

Maybe it's not too bad if it's kept at his side. And it'll be a compromise, why put a gun on a table when you already have a centerpiece?

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

He sounds like a typical BUFF. My entire family is police officers and my father never once let us see his gun. Till this day I still have no idea where he hides it. It is cops like this that give the good ones a bad name. He is a jerk and I would bluntly tell him if he can't leave his gun at home then don;t bother going to the wedding.

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

I'm a police officer too, and I gotta agree with everyone... a gun is unnecessary at a wedding. It sounds to me that your friend's BF is a rookie. I have almost 10 years on the job and I wouldn't even think of slappin' my gun on the table at dinner nor would I ever bring it to a wedding!! My parents are afraid of guns and most of the people who I am friends with do not want to look at my gun either!! He sounds like he an overzealous, immature boy who became a cop because he was a weakling who was picked on, growing up.

Technically, he can bring his gun anywhere in NYS, but like the other PO stated above, what police action would he take at your wedding? None. Also, I assume you are getting married in Long Island- there is no reason why he should be taking police action out of the boros unless someone is about to get shot or carjacked and the perp has a gun too!! And lastly- the NYPD does not take drinking and carrying a gun lightly!! And for good reason!! Too may officers have hurt themselves and/or others by being drunk and armed! The reality of the situation is this: if this guy is found unfit for duty [ie. intox with his gun] he can get suspended!! And possibly lose his job!

So, tell your girlfriend that you do not want any guns at your wedding. If she cannot ensure that he will be unarmed, tell her that he is not invited!! The safety and peace of mind on the biggest day of your life is more important than this person being there.

Best of luck to you!! Let us know what happens!!

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

Wow! I really would not be ok with a guest bringing a gun to my wedding, especially if there is an open bar and he's a drinker...I would be straight with your friend about how you feel. As another poster stated, let them know that they are invited, but the gun isn't

Re: Need Your Honest Opinion-Gun at a wedding

Thats ridiculous- there is no reason he should have gun with him at a wedding. Just tell him no way.