nwr: how long does it take... updated! (RANT of a few paragraphs)

hey ladies and gents,

how long does it take for your partner to stop thinking like a significant other and more like a spouse?

I switched phones to one phone company in april of this year for work reasons. talked with FW about changing her pan back then. she seemed to be a little long term commitment-phobic at the time, so I didn't push her. After having problems with her P.O.S. phone on the other company i used to be on, she calls me to tell me she got a new phone with the second company. For a two year contract. So now, for two years, we'll be on different companies and the minutes will count every time I go over. Sigh. When we were dating, it's one thing. Now we're engaged, and starting to think about where we can afford to live in the city.

i realize it's not a huge deal. but we're neither of us rich, and a few bucks here and there over something like this just seems dumb to me. I'm not furious or anything, but I am a little annoyed. It just seems really silly. Or maybe I'm just sick and grumpy today.

thanks for reading.


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Thanks for all your thoughts and good ideas. I'm pretty good at not losing my temper or arguing loudly unless i'm really angry. And this is not the hugest thing to happen in the world. I calmly explained why i was upset, and she agreed and tried to get them to take back the phone and rip up the contract. yesterday, she suceeded in getting them to do so, and I think she's going to switch to my company, Verizon.

I pretty much only switched to verizon for work, although now reception at my folks place in the 914 is much better. I'm based here without an office, my office is in Philly, and since the boss has a verizon phone, it made sense.

thanks again for reading!

Message edited 11/1/2006 10:37:03 AM.

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

maybe you should tell her you are not trying to tell her what to do, but you are looking out for the both of you because soon you will be husband and wife and you need to compromise on decisions that are made, not that the phone is a big deal, but I think she should know the reason you are upset is because it is effecting something you would like to be doing as husband and wife, no girl I know would be mad if their FH told them they were only looking out for them and the good of their future..Dont know if that helps??

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

I think you should tell her how you feel. bring up how you had previously talked about switching plans and how you thought when she was ready she would have switched over to your company, etc. Tell her exactly what you said about the $$ situation and how you would like the two of you to start making decisions as a couple and not individuals...but do it in a nice way if not you might scare her into thinking that you are trying to be controlling.

good luck

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

let me just say that I think it is incredibly sweet that you are so concerned about acting like a spouse.. you don't hear that out of many men's mouths.

I can understand your frustration. FH and I are on the same plan and it saves us a lot of money. Since we don't live together and only see each other on weekends, most of our time talking is to one another.

Have you sat down and discussed your financial concerns with her? Is she aware that you are trying to look at the BIG picture? Maybe have a sit down with her.

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

i agree with the previous posters about taking the time to talk to her.

there is one tidbit that i think i can add to the discussion: once you've spoken to her, you might want to look into cancelling the contract. even with the "early termination penalty" (usually less than $200), you might save money in the long-run.

hth

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

I too agree. Sit down and talk with her. Discuss finances and how much you could save etc. Be honest. She shouldn't be mad at you for being honest!

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

I think it's sweet, too, that you want to act more like a spouse. BUT I also think you shouldn't get angry about it because that defeats the end goal you're trying to attain, right? I speak from some experience with my FH where he and I got in arguments awhile back because he felt that I wasn't putting him as #1... that I was putting my parents first. Well, arguing about it didn't help, and I think he realized that. He went in the other direction and we're communicating better and we're more of a "team" lately... and that does more to convey your feelings and message than any argument ever can!

Just be NICE about it. Tell her that you are going to do your best to involve her in more decisions that affect the both of you, and you think it would benefit you both if she did the same. Tell her how much you would like to be a team. Let her know that the cell phone decision she made upset you, especially because it's more economical to be with the same company (and you're right... it REALLY is and I can TOTALLY understand your frustration there... I'd be pissed, too), but ask her to keep you in mind for the future for decisions that affect both of you.

Obviously, put it all in your words, but try to be more communicative than argumentative... more looking towards the future than upset about the past. Ya know?

What company does she have? (Verizon's the best for LI/NY, IMO... maybe, though, if you aren't committed to a contract and can "put up" with her POS service for a little bit, you can join on with her?).
Good luck!

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

It takes a while to think of you as one now instead of two. DH and I still don't have joint bank accounts. It's an adjustment.

Re: nwr: how long does it take... (RANT of a few paragraphs)

I totally agree with you on this one. I just had the same issue with my FH. We have been on Nextel together for 6 years now and he decides to change to Verizon because he can't take the service anymore, I really htink it's because his brother switched to verizon and he lives out of state so they want to talk for free. I explained to him that I won't be able to talk to him as much because we aren't on the same plan he thinks that we won't go over our minutes but it still upsets me that in the middle of planning a wedding he would change plans when there will be so much more to discuss. I would definitely try to explain to her how you feel and see if she still has time to turn the phone back in and cancel the service without penalty if she can't then you guys just have to try to monitor your minutes. It's hard but what can you do?