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sarahradio5
I love my HUSBAND!!!
Member since 1/04 6701 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/12/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
My DREAM place!
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Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Okay... my parents are paying for reception (about $150pp total) among many other things, and FMIL is paying for Rehearsal Dinner ($about $50pp total). Now, I LOVE my FMIL. Wonderful person. But, I was told by my FH awhile ago that OOT guest were NOT to be invited to the RD because his mom is NOT paying for them. I've mentioned this before because I really want my uncle from PA to come to our Rehearsal Dinner the night before the wedding since he's staying at the hotel that night and that's where the RD will be.
The other day, my FH says that they would like to add another person to their guest list for the wedding... not a relative, but someone who meant a lot to them growing up - and they thought it would be nice to invite them. They forgot about him for the e-party, and they would like to invite him for this. We haven't limited their list so far, and we're not about to do it now. So, there's $150 ... maybe $300 if there's a guest with him. So, while I was talking about that with FH's mom, I mentioned that there was just one relative I would like at the RD, and that's my uncle who I know is going to be staying over the Saturday night - the night before the wedding (thinking that since I just agreed to this extra guest, that she would say no problem to my uncle). Nope! She said that there will probably be a lot of OOT guests and she can't pay for all of them. I said that I really just want my uncle from PA there, who really means a lot to me. I just don't get it and it aggravates me. My parents are paying for a reception and wedding for about 150 people. The Rehearsal Dinner, including my uncle and his family (if they came with him) would be no more than 33 people. Then I added that if it comes down to it, then we'll pay for him, but I'll be so upset if my parents and us are paying for everything else - AND we would have to also pay for a couple of extra people I would like at the RD after we have NO problem with THEIR guest list extras for the wedding! 
Thanks for letting me vent!
eta: it's about $300 for my uncle and his family who are all staying at the hotel both nights. I just don't get how it's okay for us to pay for their extra guests, but not the other way around.
6 relatives at RD = 2 people at wedding!!!
Message edited 8/25/2006 11:09:24 AM.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:32 AM 
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CLMon7906
Little Wonders ♥
Member since 1/06 8600 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Sarah, just pay for the uncle...is this fair? NO...life isn't fair and some people, no matter how wonderful say and do things that make us go .
If this uncle means that much to you, come up with the $50 and have him there. It's not worth the war and hard feelings...just pay for the uncle to be there and be done.
Message edited 8/25/2006 10:44:18 AM.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:44 AM
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Soon2BeMrs2006
So much to do so little time
Member since 6/05 10463 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/20/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by CLMon7906
Sarah, just pay for the uncle...is this fair? NO...life isn't fair and some people, no matter how wonderful say and do things that make us go .
If this uncle means that much to you, come up with the $50 and have him there. It's not worth the war and hard feelings...just pay for the uncle to be there and be done.
I agree, your FMIL is unlikely to change her mind, she seems set in her ways and decision. If you really want your uncle there just pay the 50 dollars. I know its not fair, but there's unfortunately nothing you can do.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:45 AM
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MichLiz213
Such a happy day!
Member since 2/06 2522 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/1/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Venetian Yacht Club-A++++++
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
I would bring that fact up to your FMIL calmly. Explain to her that you made an acception for them and she should do this for you, and it would mean a lot to you. If not, pay for them yourself. Maybe she'll feel bad about it.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:46 AM
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sarahradio5
I love my HUSBAND!!!
Member since 1/04 6701 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/12/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
My DREAM place!
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by MichLiz213
I would bring that fact up to your FMIL calmly. Explain to her that you made an acception for them and she should do this for you, and it would mean a lot to you. If not, pay for them yourself. Maybe she'll feel bad about it.
Well, no... it's about $300 for my uncle and his family who are all staying at the hotel both nights. I just don't get how it's okay for us to pay for their extra guests, but not the other way around.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:48 AM
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ali120206
Over a year!
Member since 10/05 4386 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/2/2006 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hyatt Windwatch
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by Soon2BeMrs2006
Posted by CLMon7906
Sarah, just pay for the uncle...is this fair? NO...life isn't fair and some people, no matter how wonderful say and do things that make us go .
If this uncle means that much to you, come up with the $50 and have him there. It's not worth the war and hard feelings...just pay for the uncle to be there and be done.
I agree, your FMIL is unlikely to change her mind, she seems set in her ways and decision. If you really want your uncle there just pay the 50 dollars. I know its not fair, but there's unfortunately nothing you can do.
I know it stinks but, this is the best way to do it. I totally see what you are saying though and it's horrible that it is this way.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:48 AM
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MichLiz213
Such a happy day!
Member since 2/06 2522 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/1/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Venetian Yacht Club-A++++++
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by MichLiz213
I would bring that fact up to your FMIL calmly. Explain to her that you made an acception for them and she should do this for you, and it would mean a lot to you. If not, pay for them yourself. Maybe she'll feel bad about it.
Well, no... it's about $300 for my uncle and his family who are all staying at the hotel both nights. I just don't get how it's okay for us to pay for their extra guests, but not the other way around.
You and I are just having one of those days I guess.....ugh. I haven't stressed over wedding stuff since I couldn't find a florist and now all of a sudden the whole FG thing pops up. You've been the same way, you've seemed pretty calm too the past couple of weeks.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:52 AM
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sarahradio5
I love my HUSBAND!!!
Member since 1/04 6701 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/12/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
My DREAM place!
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by MichLiz213
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by MichLiz213
I would bring that fact up to your FMIL calmly. Explain to her that you made an acception for them and she should do this for you, and it would mean a lot to you. If not, pay for them yourself. Maybe she'll feel bad about it.
Well, no... it's about $300 for my uncle and his family who are all staying at the hotel both nights. I just don't get how it's okay for us to pay for their extra guests, but not the other way around.
You and I are just having one of those days I guess.....ugh. I haven't stressed over wedding stuff since I couldn't find a florist and now all of a sudden the whole FG thing pops up. You've been the same way, you've seemed pretty calm too the past couple of weeks.
that's because I'm pretty sure we're long lost sisters... 
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Posted 8/25/06 10:55 AM
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LBride
Happily Ever After!
Member since 10/05 1513 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/15/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Royalton A+++++++
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
This is why I don't ask people anymore, I just tell them what I want...
Have your mom call and say that you were upset you want your uncle there and she feels bad, so she'll pay, does she want cash or a check to cover him at the rehearsal dinner.... your FMIL will probably get embarassed and then just cover it.
Message edited 8/25/2006 11:03:24 AM.
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Posted 8/25/06 10:59 AM
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MichLiz213
Such a happy day!
Member since 2/06 2522 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/1/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Venetian Yacht Club-A++++++
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by MichLiz213
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by MichLiz213
I would bring that fact up to your FMIL calmly. Explain to her that you made an acception for them and she should do this for you, and it would mean a lot to you. If not, pay for them yourself. Maybe she'll feel bad about it.
Well, no... it's about $300 for my uncle and his family who are all staying at the hotel both nights. I just don't get how it's okay for us to pay for their extra guests, but not the other way around.
You and I are just having one of those days I guess.....ugh. I haven't stressed over wedding stuff since I couldn't find a florist and now all of a sudden the whole FG thing pops up. You've been the same way, you've seemed pretty calm too the past couple of weeks.
that's because I'm pretty sure we're long lost sisters...
That's gotta be it!!!!
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Posted 8/25/06 11:00 AM
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MichLiz213
Such a happy day!
Member since 2/06 2522 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/1/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Venetian Yacht Club-A++++++
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by LBride
This is why I don't ask people anymore, I just tell them what I want...
THAT is a great philosophy. I am doing that from now on! Because asking doesn't work!
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Posted 8/25/06 11:01 AM
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sarahradio5
I love my HUSBAND!!!
Member since 1/04 6701 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/12/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
My DREAM place!
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by MichLiz213
Posted by LBride
This is why I don't ask people anymore, I just tell them what I want...
THAT is a great philosophy. I am doing that from now on! Because asking doesn't work!
I agree!!!!
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Posted 8/25/06 11:02 AM
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leshellem
I'm a Mrs.
Member since 2/06 1535 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/3/2007 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
I agree just pay and move on. some people won't get no matter what.
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Posted 8/25/06 11:04 AM
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AlmostMrsKelly
i'm mrs kelly now!!!
Member since 5/06 1786 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/15/2006 1:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Vineyard Caterers
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
me 2!! lol
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Posted 8/25/06 11:05 AM
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ant n tilde
Team Jacob! <3
Member since 6/06 14126 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/12/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by LBride
This is why I don't ask people anymore, I just tell them what I want...
Have your mom call and say that you were upset you want your uncle there and she feels bad, so she'll pay, does she want cash or a check to cover him at the rehearsal dinner.... your FMIL will probably get embarassed and then just cover it.
i agree with this idea
but i hope it works - your FMIL seems a little dense. . .
no offense! 
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Posted 8/25/06 1:01 PM
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Soon2BeMrs2006
So much to do so little time
Member since 6/05 10463 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/20/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by ant n tilde
Posted by LBride
This is why I don't ask people anymore, I just tell them what I want...
Have your mom call and say that you were upset you want your uncle there and she feels bad, so she'll pay, does she want cash or a check to cover him at the rehearsal dinner.... your FMIL will probably get embarassed and then just cover it.
i agree with this idea
but i hope it works - your FMIL seems a little dense. . .
no offense!
''
yeah thats a good idea.
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Posted 8/25/06 1:08 PM
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metmymatch
Board Fanatic
Member since 7/05 973 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/11/2006 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Coindre Hall
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
ugh, that's so frustrating!!!
you should just invite your uncle and then pay for him.
THEN you should bug fh about how his mother owes your parents $300 for their last minute invite. 
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Posted 8/25/06 1:13 PM
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CLMon7906
Little Wonders ♥
Member since 1/06 8600 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
From what I remember you saying Sarah, money is tighter for your FMIL than your parents...$300 for 6 people vs. $300 for 2 does seem out of whack...but the $300 might hurt her a lot more than other people. Being sneaky or sending in the "goons" to trick her into it just isn't nice...considering all you've been through, I would either save the money to have the uncle there OR realize that it's her party to throw for you guys and if she has restrictions on the guest list, that's just the way it's going to be...your parents didn't do that, but what's done is done.
I know this answer might sound mean or even become unpopular, but you simply can't take a mean stance just to have your uncle there. You will be putting everyone in a bad/awkward situation. If he means that much to you, between now and Nov., I'm sure you can save the $300 to have him and his kids [though usually I don't recall kids at RDs] at the RD if it means this much to you. It would be $100 a month to avoid feeling hostile and creating a situation [if you invited him anyway and didn't tell her] that will make for a horrible night before [the wedding].
Good luck Sarah!
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Posted 8/25/06 1:16 PM
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sarahradio5
I love my HUSBAND!!!
Member since 1/04 6701 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/12/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
My DREAM place!
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Re: Vent about wedding guest list vs. rehearsal dinner guest list
Posted by CLMon7906
From what I remember you saying Sarah, money is tighter for your FMIL than your parents...$300 for 6 people vs. $300 for 2 does seem out of whack...but the $300 might hurt her a lot more than other people. Being sneaky or sending in the "goons" to trick her into it just isn't nice...considering all you've been through, I would either save the money to have the uncle there OR realize that it's her party to throw for you guys and if she has restrictions on the guest list, that's just the way it's going to be...your parents didn't do that, but what's done is done.
I know this answer might sound mean or even become unpopular, but you simply can't take a mean stance just to have your uncle there. You will be putting everyone in a bad/awkward situation. If he means that much to you, between now and Nov., I'm sure you can save the $300 to have him and his kids [though usually I don't recall kids at RDs] at the RD if it means this much to you. It would be $100 a month to avoid feeling hostile and creating a situation [if you invited him anyway and didn't tell her] that will make for a horrible night before [the wedding].
Good luck Sarah!
well, money isn't necessarily "tight". She will be cruising and going to Italy and enjoying her newly retired status while my dad continues to work past retirement age and use his 401K money to pay for my wedding. It's all a matter of priorities and it is something that really upsets me. I don't understand your answer here. If they can add people they haven't seen in years to our wedding guest list, why can't I add my uncle who is paying for two nights at the hotel for three rooms for his family? And when I say "his kids"... they're in their 40's and 50's - so, no they're not "kids"! And my mom would really like her brother there. It's sick... I'm not talking 50 people at the RD here... 33. Sounds reasonable vs. a 150 guest wedding of mostly their family when we never put a limit on their list. It's just upsetting.
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Posted 8/25/06 1:45 PM
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