Furious at FMIL (kinda long)

So, I am getting ready to send out my STDs. I recently called my FMIL to tell her what I was doing and that I needed addresses from her, preferably "A" List people. First of all she has never heard of a STD and second of all wasn't understanding that "B" list people do not get one. I explained to her what STDs were and that they were not invitations, but something to let people know to keep the date in mind and to give some hotel info for people traveling far, etc.
I could tell that she was not seeing a need for this and not understanding why I would do this. Anyways, we hang up the phone and she calls back and talks to my mom basically saying what a practical person she is and that this was us (me and FH) spending unnecessary money and that she was going to email people on her side. My mom said that it was already paid for and this is what we wanted. My FH gets on the phone with her and tells her to just email us a list of addresses. So about an hour later I check my email and in the subject line it says, "Here's the list, I will email the rest" The list has about 14 people and definitely all "B" list people. Not one single relative of theirs. I was so upset. First of all, she is not paying for one single thing for our wedding! 2nd of all it is not her wedding it is me and my FH and this is what we want. So, she doesn't realize that she already gave me a list a long time ago of people she wanted invited, so I'm now just going off this. And what makes me more furious is that she actually emailed everyone in her family. One...that is tacky two....she didn't want me to waste my money but now its like I did considering she emailed everyone before I got the STDs out. I don't even know what she said, but she gave them the link to our wedding website (which I was planning on updating with a new time for the church before I sent out the STDs b/c the link is on them) A family member of FH told me that FMIL that the wording on the email she sent didn't even make sense. I don't know maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but it is like the first thing that I have done that includes sending things out to my guests and I was being nice and including her and because she didn't like the idea she ruined it on me. I am so worried she is going to do this with other things. Please tell me if I'm over exaggerating. I even cried a little over it. What would you do?

Re: Furious at FMIL (kinda long)

I would ignore the fact that she sent out an email to everyone. Since the STD's are going to "A" list people, FH should be able to come up with that list for his side, and get their addresses. Send out the STD's as you were plannin on doing originally. You may just want to update your wedding website a little faster in case people go there right away.

As for your FMIL, assume she just doesn't get it, and didn't mean any harm. She probably thought she was doing you a favor (remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions) In the future if you need a list or whatever from her, just tell her what you need, don't go into explanations of why you need it (if it can be avoided).

Good luck, and don' t let this damper your wedding planning excitement

Re: Furious at FMIL (kinda long)

Just ignore your FMIL. Mine won't even give FH and me a list for STDs let alone wedding so I just sent mine out to my family and our friends instead.
It's your day - Don't let family ruin it!

Re: Furious at FMIL (kinda long)

Take a deep breath

I've been begging my mom and FMIL for their "A" listers for 2 months as my STD's sit in a box collecting dust. I just gave them both a deadline of Aug 31 for their guests names and addesses.

I think the issue with the STD's is that it's a fairly new concept. They were originally used only for OOT guests but in the past couple of years they are being used for all "A" list guests. They just don't get it. My mom argued with me that this was such a waste of $$$. My sister didn't use STD's 5 years ago when she got married.

Don't stress too much over it. It will work out