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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
We have several people that haven't gotten us gifts, although they seem to be trickling in 2 months after the big day. I really am ticked off at the people that didn't give us anything - do you think I should still write them a thank you for attending the wedding, even though they didn't give a gift?
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Posted 7/5/06 3:36 PM 
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ewickens
We have a PUPPY!!!
Member since 1/05 13581 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/16/2006 10:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Brentwood Country Club A++
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
I would just send a pleasant thank you card, no picture. Just state that you're glad they could share in your wonderufl day and hope they had as an amazing time as you did. Signed, so and so. That's all and don't include a photo.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:38 PM
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autumn
Good bye 06 board its been fun
Member since 10/04 3126 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/7/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Majestic Gardens A++++
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by ewickens
I would just send a pleasant thank you card, no picture. Just state that you're glad they could share in your wonderufl day and hope they had as an amazing time as you did. Signed, so and so. That's all and don't include a photo.
Thats not a bad idea, I would do the same if it was me in the same situation.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:40 PM
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cindyandkevin
To have and to hold
Member since 2/05 21575 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/10/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stonebridge Country Club
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
This is a sticky situation, and I certainly understand you being upset, but I try to focus on what's important. The reason you invited people to your wedding was because you wanted them to celebrate with you, they seem to have done that. Sure a gift is usally commonplace and is often seen as rude if not given, but remember it's not the reason why you asked them to be there.
So yes, I would send them a "thanks for sharing in our special day" TY. And then you can save the "thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness" for everyone else.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:41 PM
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CLMon7906
Little Wonders ♥
Member since 1/06 8600 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:44 PM
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sarahbelle
Old Married Lady
Member since 11/04 4160 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/8/2006 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor A++++
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by cindyandkevin
So yes, I would send them a "thanks for sharing in our special day" TY. And then you can save the "thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness" for everyone else.
I would do the same.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:44 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by CLMon7906
Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.
ok, but I respectfully disagree that "of course I should" - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:44 PM
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evnme
Aloha!
Member since 6/05 9527 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/21/2006 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
we didnt send a TY to a couple that didnt even give us a card.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:53 PM
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M&S Sept12006
2 Years Down...
Member since 3/05 5843 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/1/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor - A
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by cindyandkevin
This is a sticky situation, and I certainly understand you being upset, but I try to focus on what's important. The reason you invited people to your wedding was because you wanted them to celebrate with you, they seem to have done that. Sure a gift is usally commonplace and is often seen as rude if not given, but remember it's not the reason why you asked them to be there.
So yes, I would send them a "thanks for sharing in our special day" TY. And then you can save the "thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness" for everyone else.
I couldn't agree more with Cindy.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:54 PM
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Katie&Chris2006
I love Chris
Member since 11/05 5998 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/18/2006 10:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Watermill - A+
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by M&S Sept12006
Posted by cindyandkevin
This is a sticky situation, and I certainly understand you being upset, but I try to focus on what's important. The reason you invited people to your wedding was because you wanted them to celebrate with you, they seem to have done that. Sure a gift is usally commonplace and is often seen as rude if not given, but remember it's not the reason why you asked them to be there.
So yes, I would send them a "thanks for sharing in our special day" TY. And then you can save the "thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness" for everyone else.
I couldn't agree more with Cindy.
I agree too...although it would pain me to do so.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:55 PM
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carlsbride
Mommy-to-be!!!
Member since 8/05 1594 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/11/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor 10+++
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
I think you should go with your gut feeling. If someone had not given us a gift, I would not have sent a thank you. I felt that it was like asking for a gift by just saying "thanks for coming." I already thanked them for coming when I saw them that day.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:57 PM
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diluvchu
every day of my life
Member since 9/05 2436 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/5/2006 5:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Land's End
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by cindyandkevin
This is a sticky situation, and I certainly understand you being upset, but I try to focus on what's important. The reason you invited people to your wedding was because you wanted them to celebrate with you, they seem to have done that. Sure a gift is usally commonplace and is often seen as rude if not given, but remember it's not the reason why you asked them to be there.
So yes, I would send them a "thanks for sharing in our special day" TY. And then you can save the "thanks for your generosity and thoughtfulness" for everyone else.
I agree.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:57 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
maybe I will have DH decide, since it was mostly his friends that didn't send the gifts 
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Posted 7/5/06 3:59 PM
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CLMon7906
Little Wonders ♥
Member since 1/06 8600 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by johnsae
Posted by CLMon7906
Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.
ok, but I respectfully disagree that "of course I should" - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.
A GIFT IS EXPECTED? That might be the most self-centered thing I've read on this site in a long time. No one should expect a gift...we all get mad that our vendors expect a tip...and here you are expecting a gift?  Unbelievable.
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Posted 7/5/06 3:59 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by CLMon7906
Posted by johnsae
Posted by CLMon7906
Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.
ok, but I respectfully disagree that "of course I should" - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.
A GIFT IS EXPECTED? That might be the most self-centered thing I've read on this site in a long time. No one should expect a gift...we all get mad that our vendors expect a tip...and here you are expecting a gift? Unbelievable.
I don't really think it is unbelievable. Unless, of course, you're the type of person that goes to a wedding without a gift.  
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Posted 7/5/06 4:00 PM
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ChrissynRicky
Board Princess
Member since 2/05 14636 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/30/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow - Woodbury, NY
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Alicia - if you don't want to send a TY card, don't. There's no reason you should feel "forced" to send them anything if you felt it was inappropriate.
We had two couples who didn't give us anything. One set came and apologized that they couldn't afford to give us anything (which is true b/c we know their financial situation) and the other set came and didn't mention jack, and haven't.
To the couple that apologized - we're sending them a thank you. To the ones that didn't - we're not.
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Posted 7/5/06 4:01 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Alicia - if you don't want to send a TY card, don't. There's no reason you should feel "forced" to send them anything if you felt it was inappropriate.
We had two couples who didn't give us anything. One set came and apologized that they couldn't afford to give us anything (which is true b/c we know their financial situation) and the other set came and didn't mention jack, and haven't.
To the couple that apologized - we're sending them a thank you. To the ones that didn't - we're not.
thanks. even a card would be nice, and everyone can afford that. that was nice of the couple that didn't give you a gift to explain themselves. there is one particular person that is friends with DH that never gives gifts at weddings - he feels his presence is his present 
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Posted 7/5/06 4:02 PM
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FallBride05
1st Anniversary Trip - BOOKED!
Member since 7/05 3405 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/13/2005 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Crest Hollow Country Club
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
We had a couple of stiffers too, but I sent a Thank You for sharing in our special day card anyway.
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Posted 7/5/06 4:04 PM
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Shiv
Board Fanatic
Member since 7/05 474 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/22/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Water's Edge
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
send it to shove it in their face that they have no manners!
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Posted 7/5/06 4:04 PM
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hmpena
Momma to be- team blue!
Member since 1/05 14747 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/15/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow A+
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Alicia,
We had 2 couples come and didn't give gifts. Both traveled from out of state. We are sending them a thank you just for being there on our special day.
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Posted 7/5/06 4:04 PM
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CLMon7906
Little Wonders ♥
Member since 1/06 8600 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by johnsae
Posted by CLMon7906
Posted by johnsae
Posted by CLMon7906
Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.
ok, but I respectfully disagree that "of course I should" - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.
A GIFT IS EXPECTED? That might be the most self-centered thing I've read on this site in a long time. No one should expect a gift...we all get mad that our vendors expect a tip...and here you are expecting a gift? Unbelievable.
I don't really think it is unbelievable. Unless, of course, you're the type of person that goes to a wedding without a gift.
It's definitely unbelievable. No bride past or future should EXPECT their guests to fork over cash or a wrapped box. I have always given a gift, however, I would NEVER expect a gift from anyone. What kind of person EXPECTS their guests that they've invited to join them to pay to be there? Sure we all anticipate a gift of some sort...but why on earth do you feel entitled to a gift? And if it was your DH's friends, most guys are completely clueless about these things and likely didn't know that it was customary to give a gift.
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Posted 7/5/06 4:06 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by CLMon7906
Posted by johnsae
Posted by CLMon7906
Posted by johnsae
Posted by CLMon7906
Of course you should. Some people, lame as this may sound, do not know that a gift is a nice gesture aside from being there sharing in a couple's most special day...and we don't always truly know someone's financial situation either. You shouldn't be expecting a gift and be turned off in the first place...no one is required to give a gift...it's a nice gesture done by our guests to help us prepare a nice home for our future.
ok, but I respectfully disagree that "of course I should" - sorry, but I think a gift is expected.
A GIFT IS EXPECTED? That might be the most self-centered thing I've read on this site in a long time. No one should expect a gift...we all get mad that our vendors expect a tip...and here you are expecting a gift? Unbelievable.
I don't really think it is unbelievable. Unless, of course, you're the type of person that goes to a wedding without a gift.
It's definitely unbelievable. No bride past or future should EXPECT their guests to fork over cash or a wrapped box. I have always given a gift, however, I would NEVER expect a gift from anyone. What kind of person EXPECTS their guests that they've invited to join them to pay to be there? Sure we all anticipate a gift of some sort...but why on earth do you feel entitled to a gift? And if it was your DH's friends, most guys are completely clueless about these things and likely didn't know that it was customary to give a gift.
alright. thank you for your opinion.
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Posted 7/5/06 4:07 PM
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JanuaryBride06
boyfriend in my head
Member since 4/05 13019 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/8/2006 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
If people traveled and stayed in a hotel for us, I sent a thank you. I know that some of our friends did what they could just to fly out to be with us and we thanked them for that.
A co-worker stiffed - one of mine. I chose not to send a thank you.
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Posted 7/5/06 4:11 PM
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stephanielyse
It's An Obsession
Member since 9/05 3059 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/1/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
We had a few no gift no card attendees. I'm pretty pissed about it. I don't mind no gift, but it seems completely rude to go to a wedding without so much as a congratulations card. I am still sending thank yous to these people, though, because I think it's the proper thing to do. Something along the lines of "Thank you for celebrating with us, it meant a lot to have you there, our day was made much more special by spending it with loved ones."
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Posted 7/5/06 4:11 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: POLL: If someone attended our wedding but didn't give a gift or even a card, do I write them a thank you anyway?
Posted by stephanielyse
We had a few no gift no card attendees. I'm pretty pissed about it. I don't mind no gift, but it seems completely rude to go to a wedding without so much as a congratulations card. I am still sending thank yous to these people, though, because I think it's the proper thing to do. Something along the lines of "Thank you for celebrating with us, it meant a lot to have you there, our day was made much more special by spending it with loved ones."
thanks - yes, I think if I had at least gotten a card from some of the couples that stiffed us, I would feel better. But, you're right...it probably is the right thing to do to send a thank you. I just haven't decided if I'm going to do the right thing yet. 
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Posted 7/5/06 4:14 PM
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