*****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

Please help girls! I need your advice!!!

Me and my fi go through a ton of emotional stress b/c his father has terminal brain cancer and his mother just got over breast cancer.
There is no survival for the kind of brain cancer his has father has but he has been beating stats so far by passing the one year mark.

Now, my fi takes family leave 2-3 days a week from work ( non paid days) to be with his dad and help out. He occassionally works weekends to make up the loss wages . Needless to say i am funding most of the wedding, but thats fine.

Now, he wants to quit his fulltime job completely to work on his documentary full time. As in, this year. As in, we are getting married next year-a time when we need as much financial assistance as possible since we are paying the entire thing on our own.
0h he also wants to buy a $6000 camera.

He is upset b/c i dont fully support him. He is miserable and wants to work on his documentary and he is upset b/c i should support him.

How would you feel? react?- mind you, i didnt even flip out, but i have every right to feel like i jumped out a plane without a parachute. do you agree?
i just dont know what to do. i could just die.


*********UPDATE: THANKS GIRLS!
We had a deep conversation last night and we are going to take one day at a time but we decided that eventually he will quit his job to edit his film- there is no way he will be able to tackle this project once his dad passes. So, we are good again! And i support him completely!
LIW girls, thank you for taking the time to help. it means a lot!!

Lisa

Message edited 6/27/2006 10:32:18 AM.

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I am very sorry that you are so stressed out. I think you need to discuss your concerns with him and maybwe go over how the fianancial situation is already hurting you and him fully quitting would put you in worse of a position. I think if you explain to him how you are feeling and that it has nothing to do with shattering his dreams and such he will understand. Feel Better! and lots of luck!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

Hi I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this & financial stress is very nervracking...You should sit down and definately discuss your concerns and the $$ situation with him...maybe starting his documentary after you get married might be a better time...but anyhow you should sit down and discuss it

Good Luck & you can vent to your LIW buddies anytime!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

It does stink that u are going through this now, but somehow u need to make him see that u support him but right now is not the time to satrt these new escapades. Im sure that he wants to start as early as possible so that he can get on his feet but while planning a wedding and trying to start a new life together..any extra $ u can get is help!
I wish there was something more i could say to help... but i know nothing will really make a difference. u guys really need to sit down and tlak and set straight ur priorities. Im sory to hear about his parents. it must be rought on him and u!
Good lukc with everything!! we are always here for you.

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

Wow - that's so hard I'm so sorry for his parents and what the must feel like for him. I don't think it's right of him to put all of this burden on you though. I don't think he is thinking straight. Does he want his dad to see him do this or something. Or maybe because death is such a reality to him, he's starting to think that life is short, so you have to do what you want now. I don't know - just trying to make sense of it. I agree with everyone else, that you really need to sit down and talk about it. So sorry... for everything. Thats so hard

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

First off I'm sorry to hear abour FH's dad. But I commend him for taking time out to be w/ his dad,as any child should if they have the abilty to do so.
Now it seems that this is something that he really wants to do, and yes you should support him, but I also feel the same as you w/ fianancial status. Whether you guys had a wedding to plan or not, he should keep in mind that priority is first.
I have this problem w/ tejan (fh) all the time, but w/ his spending habits. We both love to shop, and feel like its our money that we worked hard for so why not lavish oursleves, but at the end of the day was realize what really needs to be taken care if first.
Try to talk to him about it again about it, good Luck

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

First off I just want to say that I'm so sorry to hear about your fh's dad. I can't imagine what that must be like. I totally understand your point and I would probably feel the same way. I would just talk to him nicely and tell him why you feel the way you do. Make him see that you guys really do need the money right now. Let him know that you do support him and everything but make him see that right now its not a good time.

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I just sent you an FM

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I'm with you on this one sista. That's not right. Obviously we should all be able to pursue what makes us happy, but timing is everything and in this particular case, this is probably not the best time to make such a life altering, i.e. bank account altering, decision. Like the other girls said, you just have to sit down with him and tell him that its just not fair to you. Good luck!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

You need to come to a compromise so both of you are happy. Maybe he could work part time at least so there is some income coming in on his part. Then most of his time (what's left after helping w/ parents) would be on the documentary. It may take him longer to finish, but at least he gets it going so the project is not just sitting there.

I wanted to stop working to go back to nursing school, but I decided to continue working cause of the wedding and buying a house. I go to school part-time and we are having a destination wedding to cut costs. That was my comrpomise with FH

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

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Posted by rachel212

Wow - that's so hard I'm so sorry for his parents and what the must feel like for him. I don't think it's right of him to put all of this burden on you though. I don't think he is thinking straight. Does he want his dad to see him do this or something. Or maybe because death is such a reality to him, he's starting to think that life is short, so you have to do what you want now. I don't know - just trying to make sense of it. I agree with everyone else, that you really need to sit down and talk about it. So sorry... for everything. Thats so hard

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Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I am so sorry for your FH father and mother.

I totally understand what you are saying, I think you need to sit down with him and go over your finances and explain to him how much of a burden planning and paying for a wedding is going to be if he quits his job. Forget about the wedding for a moment and try to explain to him the burden of eating and having a place to live will be if he doesn't have ny income.
Let him know that you fully support him and want him to succeed but that right now might not be the best possible time.

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I am so sorry that you guys are going through this!! If I was in that situation I would sit down with my FI and go through the bills and wedding payments left to see if it was doable. Let him know you understand and support him but with the wedding it may not be possible for him to stop working entirely.

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

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Posted by mycrayon1

I am so sorry for your FH father and mother.

I totally understand what you are saying, I think you need to sit down with him and go over your finances and explain to him how much of a burden planning and paying for a wedding is going to be if he quits his job. Forget about the wedding for a moment and try to explain to him the burden of eating and having a place to live will be if he doesn't have ny income.
Let him know that you fully support him and want him to succeed but that right now might not be the best possible time.

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Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

It's just a bad situation. If it were me-now this is just me-I would scale back on the wedding and let FH quit his job. I get to go to work and love my job-FH hates his. I wouldn't give it a second thought if he quit his job-I would get another one. I know if the situation were reversed he would do the same. But it is a hard call and is completely up to you how you want to handle the situation. God luck!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

thank you girls for all of your help. There are both sides to the fence and everyone made valid points.
I really needed the insight from other women and to see what other girls would do in my situation.

The cancer def affected my fi in more ways then one. His father was handed a time frame of 6 months to a year to live and so far his father just passed a year. I always try to take into consideration what he is going through and i try to be as supportive as possible.

i think i am more angry with the way he handled it- he has been mentioning and i let it go over my head but come to find out he seriously wants to do it, i think he should have sat me down and propose the idea to me.

anyhw, thank you so much everyone. i guess i will see what happens when we talk tonight.
i really need to vent!!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

oh wow... first, I am so sorry about your FFIL and FMIL... I can understand where both of you are coming from as you need financial help and he wants to be with his father. I don't know what the best advice is but I guess it would be to support his as best you can but explain to him that it will be very hard on the both of you financially and emotionally. Maybe by sitting down and discussing it openly it can help both of you see where the other is coming from and may change either of your minds.

I don't know... but we're here for you!!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I totally understand how you feel!!! I would be upset too, but I think that since he is going through such a difficult time in his life just show him as much support as you can. Maybe you 2 can work something out where he can work like 4 half days a week to at least bring in some revenue. Trust me i know JT is very expensive and this is a very stressful time in both of your lifes. i think you should just talk to him and everything will work out the way it is suppose to. good luck!

Re: HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I'm so sorry.....that must be very difficult for you both....i definetly agree with most of the girls who already posted....you need to sit down and discuss your concerns with him. definetly let it be known that you support him fully but that you both have a lot on your plate right now and this may not be the best time to make any serious life changes without weighing the pros and cons together......i wish you the best of luck and i am sure that as long as you both discuss your feelings and understand each other everything will work out ok....

Re: *****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

BUMP!

Re: *****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

i'm so happy to hear that you are well and that both of you talked.

Re: *****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

im so happy that you had a sit-down - and have a clear head now!

Re: *****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

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Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo


*********UPDATE: THANKS GIRLS!
We had a deep conversation last night and we are going to take one day at a time but we decided that eventually he will quit his job to edit his film- there is no way he will be able to tackle this project once his dad passes. So, we are good again! And i support him completely!
LIW girls, thank you for taking the time to help. it means a lot!!

Lisa

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Re: *****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

Re: *****UPDATE!!***** THANK YOU GIRLS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO STOP AND GIVE ADVICE- THANK YOU- HELP!! My fi just dropped a bomb on me!!

I'm so happy you guys worked everything out!