Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

My mom is kind of upset that she and my dad are paying for EVERYTHING (along with me and my FH) and we're not getting anything from my FH's side (NOTHING... nada... BIG bone of contention here)... and I was planning on putting the following:

Mr. and Mrs. "my parents"
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
me
to
FH
son of FH's mom and the late FH's dad

THAT'S the line that my mom got a little peeved at.

Should I just not put it? She has a little point. His mom just apparently doesn't see the point of big weddings and thinks it's all silly, therefore isn't offering to help with anything, even though she originally said she's help, and then said she never said that.

Should I leave it out?

Now her name will be on the RD invite since that is the one thing she is doing. What do I do?

Message edited 6/18/2006 9:04:43 PM.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

that's a tough one.
Would FH be upset if his parents' names weren't on it?
And how upset would his Mom be?

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

We're basically in the same boat, and we left the line in. I knew it meant a lot to FH, and what you have to remember is that after you, she is probably the woman he loves in life most. My parents are listed at the top as hosts, and my dad is doing a toast the night of to thank everyone for coming.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

I think the wording is perfect....Keep the line in....having it there does not indicate that FMIL contributed to the wedding. I think the top line indicates that your parents were the contributors to the wedding. Why cause any problems....i don't think its worth it. Pick you battles....you never know...you MIL may give you a decent gift....since she didn't put anything towards the wedding.

Good luck!!!!

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

etiquette wise that's the way its supposed to be written..the parents that are hosting the affair are on top and then a small mention of the other parents at the bottom...i understand your mom is upset that you want to include them on the invite but when you read the wording for the invite it doesn't sound like they are hosting the wedding it just sounds like you're letting people know who your FH's parents are..i voted that you should leave it

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

Take the name out. Etiquette can be broken - hell, I've broken it! Your parent's are shelling out big money for this and if there is no financial help from the other family, your mother has the right to say no to something.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

This is the formal way to do it. Originally, the bride's parents paid for the wedding.

If you want to, you could make a special appreciation reading, toast to your parents during the reception acknowledging their support.

ETA: Had to ask FH too for his input. The fact that YOUR parents request the presence of the guests (not worded with FH's parents) does mean that your parents are organizing the whole thing. Adding your fh's parents name does not mean anything other that they are his parents.

The way it is worded is perfect!

Message edited 6/18/2006 2:05:06 PM.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

I would leave it in. I am in the same boat you are and that is the way I am going.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

My parents are paying for the wedding but I included his parent's names as well in the same format as you have listed. I think it's nice to include them.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

I think the wording makes it clear that your parents are issuing the invite, and putting up the cash, for the wedding. Maybe, if you explain that to your mom she won't be so upset.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

I also think the wording is perfect

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

id probably take it out if thats what i wanted.

when we got married i did our named then the next line was " together with our parents" , that was just my preference since neither parent was throwing the whole wedding and we had planned and picked everything on our own

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

i would leave it the way you have it.... FMIL deserves to have her name in there- after all, she is the one that raised FH and took care of him for so many years....
and, the way you have it now is perfect becasue it shows that your parents are hosting it, but it acknowledges FHs mom...
its been said SOO many times, but life really is too short, and you just have to pick your battles... this is such a little thing, its not worth starting a potential battle over- you do have to deal with FMIL for the rest of your life now...

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

Sarah I'd leave it in.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

Take the line out. I'm in the same boat and I'm not putting FI's parent's name on the card. My FI's ok with it and since his parent's don't care to contribute a dime then I seriously doubt they will care whether or not their names are on the invite. If you think his mom will be ok with it then I would leave their names out just because your parents are contributing so much and they're the one's who are upset. You can always include the grooms parent's names on the ceremony program. Just think about how angry his mother would be if you put your parents name on the rehersal dinner invite that his mom is paying for. Its the same thing. Plus I have seen invitations that list the bride's parent's names on top with no mention of the groom's parents. Thats the wording that will be on my invite Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from....... My FH's parents names were on MY invitations out of the kindness of my heart but since they really haven't paid for a thing, I should have done otherwise.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

from the stories i've heard with my in-laws, i'd be careful and leave it in.

my future in-laws paid nothing for my FBIL's wedding but were so pissed when their names were not on the invites (only her parents names were on it). they held a grudge for years and talked sh-t about his wife all the time! this all happened before i met my FI, but it was one of the first stories i heard from FSIL and FMIL!

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

I would leave them off. If you're mom and dad are paying 100% and prefer just their names then just have their names. Technically its the hosts' (whomever is paying) invitation.

ETA: I left my IL's off since they paid for none of the wedding. And it was only at my father's request (who paid 100%) that I put my mother's name (obviously you see they are not together) on the invitation. That was not my preference, I wanted just his name but he wanted that so I did so because it was really his invitation as host. I should also add my DH was very supportive of having just my Dad's name so this did make it much easier. I know for a fact my SIL griped but whatever.

Message edited 6/19/2006 2:57:57 PM.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's names on invite?

My parents are paying for the majority of the wedding and I am leaving off FH's parents. I think that my parents deserve all the credit!!!

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

OMG! I don't know what to do now!!! I thought I was going with etiquette, but it REALLY bothers me that we're not getting ANY monetary help from his side with the wedding from his side... really why SHOULD we put their names on?

His mom is giving us the RD, so it will go there, so maybe that's it? Wow... I don't know what to do now!! My FH is SO not involved with wedding planning at ALL and this is SUCH a touchy subject... it's not even something I can discuss with him. I really think he almost takes it as a slap in the face that my parents are doing so much - and he doesn't think his mom SHOULD have to do anything!

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

LEAVE IT IN

IT SAYS YOUR PARENTS ARE INVITING NOT THEM SO IT DOESNT MATTERIT IS JUST STATING WHO THE FH PARENTS ARE

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

---

Posted by dbleplay17

LEAVE IT IN

IT SAYS YOUR PARENTS ARE INVITING NOT THEM SO IT DOESNT MATTERIT IS JUST STATING WHO THE FH PARENTS ARE

---

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

My IL's didnt contribute but their names were on the invite. My mother's name was the first line and their names followed DH's. I felt that DH's parents deserved the acknowledgement and that people should know the family from which DH came from. The wedding was not just about who shelled out the money - it was the joining of two familes. Everyone knew my family paid for the wedding anyway.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

Okay, so I'm not putting FH's parents names on the invites but he doesn't care. If your FH really wants their names on it you should probably do it. I have read your other posts and it seems that you guys have been fighting more lately than ever, so do you really want to cause another fight??? It's probably not worth it. Just explain it to your parents. I mean "traditionally" speaking, his parents shouldn't contribute a dime to the wedding anyway....good luck.

Re: Brides... if only YOUR parents are paying... are you putting your FH's parents' names on invite?

my parents are paying for everything and we put

his late mothers name and his fathers name on the invite...same way as you did.

I think its repectful that way