how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

mine really only cares how much things cost. he generally hates weddings (well not specifically weddings, most affairs in general), and he also doesnt really like being the center of attention.
i have no doubt that he wants to celebrate us spending the rest of our lives together, but i know hed be just as happy if we eloped in jamaica or something.
i mean i dont really mind cause it means i really dont have to fight for anything that i want but sometimes i feel more like im planning MY day than OUR day. when it comes down to it he really doesnt care about any of the details as long as im happy and his mom doesnt ask him too many questions about it!
but sometimes when i think about it i feel a little lonely and like im forcing him into this wedding (which i hope will only be medium-sized). dont get me wrong he hasnt overly objected to anything, i just know him and i know hell just say yes to everything to make me happy - similarly i dont want our wedding to make him miserable. so im trying to find little touches i can add to the day to make it fun for him, like a reggae band since he loves reggae, and maybe a grooms cake shaped like yankee stadium... little things that will make him happier about being there. anyone else's FH like this?? how did you get him more involve?

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

Wait, my FH is supposed to be involved in the wedding planning?

Seriously, though, he's only involved when I beg him to help, and when there are decisions to make about food.

He came to look at reception sites, and actually picked our band, but other than that I've chosen all the vendors. He did take charge of the HM which was nice. I consult him on everything, but his answer is usually, "How much?" and then "Whatever you want."

I make lists of stuff for him to do from time to time, and he usually does them right away (mostly without doing any research which is why I don't give him that much to do).

I know he's excited to marry me, so it doesn't really bother me that he could care less about what color the flowers are or what the bridesmaids are wearing...

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

I totally, completely understand. Same situation here. I didn't torture FH with florists but I did make him go to the video and photography estimates with me. Some of them he liked and some of them left the vendors wondering what I see in him I'm sure! I know FH sees this as one big financial burden as opposed to our special day. He has gotten a little bit better though so there's hope! Hang in there!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

involved??? why yesterday he tried to convince me he could play a softball game the morning of the wedding!!! i was like, um.....you have to be dressed, ready and at the hall by 9 am....no softball....he just doesn't get it....not even this close, not even about timing the day of...


if he volunteered and did something i'd have to

Message edited 6/7/2006 4:54:49 PM.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

My FH is so involved with every detail (even the color of the BM dresses and the china pattern) he is driving me up a wall. Sometimes I wish he would take the attitude of I dont care tell me where and when. But then I stop and say to myself don't complain cause if he had that attitude I would be mad he did. So I welcome his ideas and we discuss every little detail. LOL

You should sit down with him and tell him how you feel and I am sure he will understand and will be happy to help you plan your special day together. Good Luck

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

Really!?!?!?

I have the total opposite FH!!! He is super involved!!! He wants everything "signed off" by him before we book it.

I think its sooooooo funny... I never would have thought he would be this involved. I guess its just not all guys things.

My friend planned her ENTIRE wedding w/o her FH knowing anything. She just told him the date to show up... and that he needed to get a tux, She did EVERYTHING ELSE!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

all of your makes me feel better!!
im glad im not the only one!!
i assume most guys are either all the way one way or the other!
thanks for easing my thoughts ladies!!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

Let just put it this way.. My FH had a wedding nightmare!!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

You have no idea how I felt I was reading this about "US". It has been the same way, but think of it this way---it means a lot that he agreed to it at all which shows how much our happiness means to them. Mine never got much more involved throughout the entire process but I asked as I went along to make sure he felt like he could give input if he had any but I never bothered him with any details that I knew he wasn't interested in. Goodl uck. That is very sweet of you to be thinking of iclusing things he would like

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

MY FH has been pretty involved. He has said he really does not want to make decisions about flowers or invites, whatever I like is fine. Our Wedding is 11 months away and he is planning the menu, and picking songs-it is very cute.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

yeah i think when it comes to the food and the band all the sudden FH will start to care!!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

So far he hasn't been too involved but he told me in the beginning that he doesn't care about this stuff, he just wants to be married, and he'll do whatever I want. He also said that once I narrow things down (reception halls) he would like to come with me to see the finalists. So we'll see!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

FH has picked the RH, the DJ and the Video guy. Everything else is up to me even though I have to run my ideas by him first. I think its cute. He is such a big help. Originally I thought he would want nothing to do with it all and that I would be planning our wedding with my best friend, but now she is engaged and planning her own wedding

I guess I cant complain because if he didnt help I probably would not be that happy.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

Sounds like we have the same fiance. My fiance is not involved at all until he hears the cost and then suddenly he is totally involved and gets angry that it costs too much. I told him he cant selectively be involved when it is conveniant for him. Either he's in or out. We had a huge fight about photographers. I was about to book when he saw the price and said no way. But now he knows to just let it be and trust me.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

He is as involved as I am . I kind of do the primary research and I give him the possible options. He gives me feedback. So it works out great. All final decisions have been made together.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

Yea my FH went with me to see the halls and wants to be involved when it comes to picking the DJ and the Florist and stuff, which I appreciate right now cause we have the time. I just hope it doesn't lead to conflicts later between what I want and what he wants. But I guess we'll see. For the time I'm enjoying him being involved with the whole thing though I think he thinks my wedding obsession is too much sometimes!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

He really couldnt be LESS involved, I think our wedding is going to be a complete surprise for him!

The only thing he jumped to plan was the honeymoon. Other than that, I cant get him to do a thing! His standard answer is "Whatever you want, Laura."
Getting him to even pick our first dance was like torture!
I dont mind, my mom helps me alot and this way I get to do things my way..can you say control freak?

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

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Posted by CLMon7906




involved??? why yesterday he tried to convince me he could play a softball game the morning of the wedding!!! i was like, um.....you have to be dressed, ready and at the hall by 9 am....no softball....he just doesn't get it....not even this close, not even about timing the day of...


if he volunteered and did something i'd have to

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Message edited 6/7/2006 6:50:16 PM.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

My FH has been great. He found our favors and florist and photographer. He has gone with me to practically every vendor appointment and he even lurks on here every once in a while.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

My fiance is paying for most of our wedding. I am a student and I only work part time, so as far as money, budgeting, and paying he is very involved. He tries to give a lot of input, but somethings he really doesn't care about, ie flowers, favors... he says that is what girls pay attention to.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

FH helped pick the hall and that's about it. And that's how I like it! That said ... I gave him 4 particular things to take care of and its kinda cute that he made a list so he'll be sure they are done. (And they are things that affect him & his family directly so he'll be sure to do them).

In general I think the whole wedding planning is not interesting and very daunting to most guys. I think if you give him a short list of things you want him to help with he might be more willing to help. Otherwise he might think he's getting wrangled into every bitter detail.

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

I think i need to start giving him a list. its so hard not to be a nag but i wish he would show "slightly" more enthusiasm. as of now all he's in charge of is transportation and we both agreed on the hall... its depressing sometimes. especially since i don't have any sisters and my mother is VERY self centered. hate to sound like a baby but i don't feel "special"

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

since we havent made any real decisions yet im not sure how he'll be. he didnt visit any of the halls with me. ive narrowed it pretty much down to my favorite (glen cove mansion) and im bringing him, FMIL and my mom asap to negotiate the price. but if the people there cant meet when hes available he said he doesnt care if he doesnt go. so i said dont you want to see it, and he said he can look at the website and he knows its perfect already since i like it so much.

about 65% of the time when i ask him things he says "whatever you want." the rest of the time he complains that well be spending enough $$ to put a down payment on a house. although i really have to keep reminding him (constantly) that we arent spending OUR money. my mom is paying 80% and his parents 20% and thats our budget. we dont actually have to pay for anything so far. i keep reminding him that its my moms only wedding (im an only child) and that she saved this money specifically for this. even though the hall i want is more expensive than i was originally looking for, he even said that if my mom is ok with paying for it then hes fine with it.

sooo when it comes down to it im sure hell want to taste the food, thats a given. he'll def want to hear the band. other details i dont think hell care about. hell def care about the honeymoon so maybe ill give him that task.

its funny cause to me, im more worried that hes bothered that our wedding will be putting him in the spotlight when he doesnt want to be. haha i guess i had to type all of that out to realize it . cause when it comes down to it i really dont mind making a bulk of the decisions!

thanks for letting me vent ladies!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

mine is super involved in the wedding planning--we've done everything together. heck--he even attended a GTG i went to last week with my knottie ladies from the long island board! (that was funny!)

however i know that my FH is a great exception to the norm. try not to rip your hair out over it. some guys would rather have a root canal than help plan the wedding. it doesn't mean he doesn't want to marry you or anything--just no interested in crypack and STD's! if your groom isn't hands on--best thing is just to accept it as best as possible and hope for the best!

don't forget--you always have us ladies on here!!!

Re: how involved is FH in the wedding planning?

My FH does all the planning with me. he has opinions on everything. I couldn't imagine planning it wihtout his input. He has gone to every vendor appt with me. Its been great. I do do the research part of things and then present him wiht what we should check out but after that stage he is totally hands on. Its fun