SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

be submisive to your husband? not in a sexual manner, but will you view your husband of the head of the household, and as having the "Final say" on certain issues? And listen to him when he tells you to do something even if you do migth not necessarily want to do it? ie. if he says you have to go the gym 3 times a week to keep in shape/heart healthy etc. If you werent necessarily into the gym, would you go anyways b/c he would like you too, and you trust that he might know whats good for you in that respect?

its a random question....but i was just wondering.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

SUBMISSIVE and I do not mix well together. I am too outspoken, stubborn and opinionated. It just doesn't work...lol Marriage in my humble opinion is all about compromising!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

Definitley NOT! I and I imagine FH views us as a partnership. In most cases we will make joint decisions but in some areas I will give him full control and in others I will take the helm. For example, I would never buy consumer electronics without his ok bc that is his "thing." He would make better choices than I would. But he would never make a decision on a vacation/travel bc that is my area of expertise.

For us it is all about give and take and mutual respect.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

well the compromising and the give and take are all innately understood.
The brunt of the question is, will you view your husband as the "final say" when it comes to making decisions? Not whether you will let him boss you around..hope that clears it up. I had a discussion about tis today at work..so im jsut wondering about other peoples thoughts...

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

I dunno. We tend to make decisions together now so I dunno if that will change but when it comes to things i dont understand like buying a house and stuff I will let him handle it. we dont give too much contol to one or the other because that leads to problems and power issues I think

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

HAH! Final say my ***! If my FH were to say something along the lines of "That's how it is because I'm the man" I would laugh in his face... of course he would never say that. But that's just us, I personally believe everyone needs to work out a dynamic in their relationship that works for them and that would NEVER work for me. I'd be gone faster than he can say "wait"!

Ours is definately a partnership, I deal with my areas of expertise and him with his. If anything I have trouble not being too overbearing! (something I am working on )

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

we talk, talk, talk, talk..about things until it's dead. he can't make a decision to save his life.

There is no way I could wait for his final say! I would be a really old lady..

it took him 7 years to propose..5 years after that to buy a house..

after those decisions were made..I don't wait for his final say anymore..lesson learned.

Never would be submissive and he would hate me to be that way. He likes me all bossy and opinionated..that's why he married me.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

put simply: hell no.

A marriage should be an equal partnership. The minute one person has "final say" over the other, it ceases to be an equal partnership.

I don't see how you can have a give-and-take or compromise if one person always has final say.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

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Posted by weddingbunny

put simply: hell no.

A marriage should be an equal partnership. The minute one person has "final say" over the other, it ceases to be an equal partnership.

I don't see how you can have a give-and-take or compromise if one person always has final say.

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Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

ummmm NO!

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

the word submissive does not exist in my life. my fh and i live on compromise. from the smallest issues right up to huge ones... we talk it out, work it out, and sometimes a game of "rock, scissors, paper" is in order.

i consider my fh's feelings more than anyone in the world because he is the world to me but in no way am i "told" to do things. i don't think even he would ever want it to be that way. i'm pretty sure of the fact that he loves my individuality and i always consider how he feels about everything but it's just different then being submissive... it's all about compromise like i said before.

my fh is always concerned about my health. he tells me i'm too skinny (he's NUTS!) and that i need to eat more and when i want to know the "best" way to work out for my body he tells me because he's smart and knows a lot about that and i value his opinion. but if he felt i was unhealthy in some way then i would say he would try and tell me what's best for me b/c he cares about me but he wouldn't say i HAD to do that. if he was so concerned about the gym for a good reason and i wasn't into it he would just try and make it fun for me (buy me an ipod or something-- maybe come with me to the gym and help me out, coax me along, etc.) but that's just how we are in our relationship.

i hope that helps you and answers your ?, good luck to you

edited: spelling error

Message edited 4/26/2006 3:03:50 PM.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

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Posted by Lola0703

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Posted by weddingbunny

put simply: hell no.

A marriage should be an equal partnership. The minute one person has "final say" over the other, it ceases to be an equal partnership.

I don't see how you can have a give-and-take or compromise if one person always has final say.

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I agree 100% HELL NO!!!!!

I am a strong believer in compromise and partnership. It's a 50/50 relationship.

Do I baby my FH at times - sure I do that's just my nature, but I am a hardworking, independent, opinionated woman, and I shall always have my say. Maybe not necessarily my way all the time but at least my say in things and vice versa he can always state his ideas and views.

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Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

what year is it? 1956 or 2006

i guess you have my answer- we compromise, I negotiate - ( occasionaly demmand...lol)

I feel like I actually have the final say most of the time

about the gym- I do that on my own- and if he told me to go- I would be insulted- you have to do things for yourself b/c you want to- otherwise you will become resentful

Message edited 4/26/2006 3:09:53 PM.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

all of the answers are so similar!
...my FH and I are also big on partnership, someone to walk with and not ahead of or behind. But my co-workers and I were talking about this today, and i wanted to see how other soon to be Mrs. saw this issue... while it is the most "traditional" way to be "father knows best etc", roles have changed so much tha people would be ignorant to believe that their husbands knew everything. If they knew everything they wouldn't need a partner!! we women are often times the voice of reason

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

lol it's more likely that I'd be the one with the final say, I do the most research! We make decisions together that involve our "family" that mainly consists of him and I for now.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

I definitely feel that marriage is a partnership. FH is really great at being supportive of what I do and I do my best to be as great as he is with me.

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

submissive, the things I thought when I read the first few words.

To answer your question, I am hard to handle to begin with. I try to do things 50/50 but lets be honest in ALMOST every relationship there is the dominating parter. In my relationship it is me. Usually what I say is what happens. However when FH puts his foot down it won't budge. I have actually told him flat out he's too easy going and that he needs to take more of a stand and let me know what he thinks about certain things.
No one I don't care who it is dictates what I do in my personal life. I run the show when it comes to decisions that affect me souly. I do my best to compromise when it comes to "US" - but like I said I am steel headed and when I make a decision that's it. Thankfully he loves me for it just as much as it annoys him

Re: SWR: When you are married do you plan to....

No way! But I do have to be honest we do talk over things if we dont agree.