Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I'm sorry

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I say tell him you agree with him. Then, cut contact with him and give him a taste of what it feels like to be cold-shouldered. See if he changes how he acts toward you when he's on the receiving end of a could-care-less attitude.

Maybe he will wake up and maybe he won't, but if he doesn't, do you think that's someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with anyway?

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by MysteryGroom

This sounds like another faker!!!!

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I don't think so. I think maybe she signed on under another name so she can anonymously state her true feelings and situation.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have to say... I don't think he's ready at this point for marriage. He seems very immature when it comes to relationships. You're trying more than he is. You're both getting to the point where you do immature things out of frustration.. you hiding his glasses. Him breaking the monogrammed cake topper. Those things don't help ANYTHING. I think postponing the wedding, as HARD as that is, is the best thing. In fact, I think you guys may need a break from each other. When my FH and I went through bad times, we "broke up". I was still there for him during that time when he got in an accident and was out of work for 3 months, but we weren't 'together, together". All of a sudden, a light bulb went off in his head, and he realized what he had in me. He called me one day and said he wanted to meet and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and apologized for everything. (that still wasn't the official proposal... the ring came 5months later after I saw how he re-committed himself to me and enjoyed our relationship). It has been AMAZING. He's not an overly emotional or romantic guy on a daily basis, but he definitely has his moments! The reason I'm saying this is because I learned you can't force a guy into being committed to a relationship. The bad times with us were filled with my trying to do that. That just made it worse. Give him space... let him see what he has in you. Try to be the bigger person here. Don't hide things on him. Suggest the postponement maturely. Say you love him, but you think this is best. And then give it REAL time. I'm sorry you're going through this now, but it's better than after the marriage and kids. Let him mature and grow a little, and then you'll see if it's meant to be. I learned that both people in a couple have to be 100% emotionally happy and complete in order to be in a healthy relationship. He may not be to that point yet. Maybe, in time, he'll realize...

Good luck.

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Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

First of all, .

I think you guys, if anything, need to work on communication. He's not "picking up on your signals". Why are you giving him signals, instead of saying, "I need this from you"? Furthermore, I'm put off by the fact that you hid his glasses. That's not okay. If you were mad that he wasn't giving you the attention you needed, then tell him that you're in need of attention in no uncertain words. Plain English. "I'm hurt because I'm not getting enough of your attention."

I'm also disturbed by his choice to break things in anger. What did he think that was going to accomplish?

I know things will work out for the best.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

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Posted by PrincessRose

First of all, .

I think you guys, if anything, need to work on communication. He's not "picking up on your signals". Why are you giving him signals, instead of saying, "I need this from you"? Furthermore, I'm put off by the fact that you hid his glasses. That's not okay. If you were mad that he wasn't giving you the attention you needed, then tell him that you're in need of attention in no uncertain words. Plain English. "I'm hurt because I'm not getting enough of your attention."

I'm also disturbed by his choice to break things in anger. What did he think that was going to accomplish?

I know things will work out for the best.

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Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I'm so sorry to hear this, a lot of the ladies that have posted before me have said a lot of valuable things. I agree that it was perhaps a bit irrational to end everything out of anger. I mean all couples fight and argue, but its the fact that you learn from those arguments and try to improve so they don't happen again that make a relationship successful. It sounds to me that he can't be bothered with trying to make things better, its easier for him just to bail, and well I don't mean to add salt but do you really want to be married to someone like that? Going to counseling sounds like a good idea, but you both have to be willing to work things out. Maybe you guys could hold off on the wedding for awhile, if you do decide to stay together.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

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Posted by MrsWmson2be

I say tell him you agree with him. Then, cut contact with him and give him a taste of what it feels like to be cold-shouldered. See if he changes how he acts toward you when he's on the receiving end of a could-care-less attitude.

Maybe he will wake up and maybe he won't, but if he doesn't, do you think that's someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with anyway?

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Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

It works. It's not a game. I had the same situation to the point where I was truly fed up and walked. Sometimes, people don't realize they have a good thing until it's gone. Speaking "openly" is good for when you're already IN a secure relationship. However, when you're with a man that wants out and just needs an excuse, speaking openly is misinterpreted as being "whiney and needy" and will only make him feel more justified in pulling the plug. What he needs is to realize he has a great thing. See how his tune changes when he realizes you won't put up with his ambivalence. Watch your self esteem skyrocket too. Never stand around and allow someone to mistreat you. If you do, they'll be doing it to you for your whole life knowing you'll take it.

On a second note, I do agree that hiding his glasses was wrong. THAT'S playing games and a standard to which you needn't lower yourself.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I think this sounds like more than cold feet, I think that you should think long and hard about what you want for your future, don't sell yourself short.
Best of luck. and we are all hear to listen if you need it.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

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Posted by MrsWmson2be

It works. It's not a game. I had the same situation to the point where I was truly fed up and walked. Sometimes, people don't realize they have a good thing until it's gone. Speaking "openly" is good for when you're already IN a secure relationship. However, when you're with a man that wants out and just needs an excuse, speaking openly is misinterpreted as being "whiney and needy" and will only make him feel more justified in pulling the plug. What he needs is to realize he has a great thing. See how his tune changes when he realizes you won't put up with his ambivalence. Watch your self esteem skyrocket too. Never stand around and allow someone to mistreat you. If you do, they'll be doing it to you for your whole life knowing you'll take it.

On a second note, I do agree that hiding his glasses was wrong. THAT'S playing games and a standard to which you needn't lower yourself.

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Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this!! You already know that you two need to talk and communicate, so that is the first step, but I would suggest an intermediator - since you two do attend Church, maybe have the priest involved and talk with both of you. He can guide you on the right steps.

Maybe instead of cancelling the wedding, try the counseling and postponing the wedding until you know what is exactly right for the two of you. Right now, emotions are flying and accusations will be made that you will only regret later.

Good luck!!!

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

That's fine to disagree with me. But I've been through it and there comes a time where you realize staying up all night, not eating, and wondering "what if" aren't worth your emotional health. If he doesn't want to get married, back off. Twisting his arm to talk to him, constantly second-guessing your actions and trying to see what will make him happy will wear itself very thin after a while and she'll get to that point naturally.

Marriage has to be a two-way street. You can't corner someone to elicit feelings from them and get answers to their behavior. She already seems to have carried more weight than she should have and it's time to try a new approach. They say that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

The fact remains that there's a 50%+ divorce rate. If it's an issue now, it's only going to get worse if set a stage for forcing communication. If he is not an emotional guy, the worst thing you can possibly do is force him to BE emotional. It will only make him run faster and harder.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the above posters about seeking counseling or talking to your priest for support. This is a very difficult thing to deal with...please don't try to do it on your own! Don't forget we are all here for you too.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I am sorry this is happening to you right now.. My FH tempermental and we have knock down drag out fights sometimes and we have been to councelling together and I am HUGE advocate for counselling.. and it really helps.. you can get a better understading of what eachother does that makes the other tick.. I really hope it works out for you.. I sincerely do..

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

Sorry but I am going to say a few things straight off the bat. I known for not beating around the bush so I will apologize now if I sound harsh.

1- both of you are not ready to commit, obviously you are both too wrapped up in yourselves to even consider getting married at this point.
2-you are both acting like children, hiding glasses and smashing things gets nothing accomplished - just plain old crap.
3- SIGNALS? Last time I checked you weren't helping a plane land you were trying to express your feelings - SPEAK UP! Men are (nor women) are mind readers - communicate! Speak your mind - you can't blame him for not getting it if you don't!
4-Postponing this wedding is something that you should both talk about - in my opinion (I won't speak for anyone else) you both need to look inside yourselves and decide what you want out of a marriage - YES marriage. These wonderful and elaborate weddings we plan are fun yes, and we look forward to them - but when it is all said and done and the day after you roll over and look at your spouse you should have wonderful butterflies inside your stomach that reminds you of what wonderful times lie ahead, not despair when you wonder what mistake you may have made.

So suck it up, dry your eyes and have an adult conversation.

lots of luck

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

Best of luck to both of you... please keep us updated... I really think that sitting down and talking with him when you are both calmed down a little will help you guys have an adult conversation that you can really think about your future together and how to make it what you want...

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

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Posted by PrincessRose

First of all, .

I think you guys, if anything, need to work on communication. He's not "picking up on your signals". Why are you giving him signals, instead of saying, "I need this from you"? Furthermore, I'm put off by the fact that you hid his glasses. That's not okay. If you were mad that he wasn't giving you the attention you needed, then tell him that you're in need of attention in no uncertain words. Plain English. "I'm hurt because I'm not getting enough of your attention."

I'm also disturbed by his choice to break things in anger. What did he think that was going to accomplish?

I know things will work out for the best.

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Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I hope things work out for you one way or the other..... We are all here for you...Good Luck

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by PrincessRose

First of all, .

I think you guys, if anything, need to work on communication. He's not "picking up on your signals". Why are you giving him signals, instead of saying, "I need this from you"? Furthermore, I'm put off by the fact that you hid his glasses. That's not okay. If you were mad that he wasn't giving you the attention you needed, then tell him that you're in need of attention in no uncertain words. Plain English. "I'm hurt because I'm not getting enough of your attention."

I'm also disturbed by his choice to break things in anger. What did he think that was going to accomplish?

I know things will work out for the best.

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totally agree with this poster. saying he doesn't 'pick up' on your signals & hiding his glasses, no offense, is a sign of immaturity on your part. him breaking the cake topper and glass, also shows immaturity and bit of an anger issue.

NEITHER one of you is ready for marriage. perhaps you have gotten so caught up in the wedding, that you were ignoring the other signs that this isn't right. you guys need therapy and/or some time apart. if he is saying he's had enough...don't try and make him stay. you both need some time to figure things out.

also--i understand not being able to see him for a week and it brings you down. BUT you make it sound like you are just lonely and nothing without him. that tells me that you need to discover you YOU are as a person--without a man to define you. do i miss my FH when he works late? absolutely. can i find other things to do with my time when he's not around? YOU BET! take some time to find yourself, and build some self-confidence!!!!! you deserve it!

good luck--and remember that everything happens for a reason.

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Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

You girls are the best. You were there for me when i really needed to talk/vent. I have to say things have gotten alot better.

since my last post my fi and i did a lot of talking. we admitted both of us cant be childish and break things or hide things and he said my accusations of saying he was cheating set him off--in any respect we agree that cannot continue for future on either of our parts.

i truly appecaite the advice to be direct + not have him read my signals. He is not very intuitive and the direct approach would be best (thanks for this ).

we also agreed going to speak to someone would be a great idea and really help us out. he was open to this and we made an appointment for next monday.

as of now the wedding IS still on but we both agreed we have to learn how to communicate better and can't threaten each other.

i just want to say you girls are the best and i appreciate all the advice, hugs and fms you have sent me.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I'm so glad it's all working out for you.

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

me too

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

I am sorry and I am sure it is "wedding stress" that is contributing to your problems. I wish there was something I or any of us brides could do to help. We can only offer you lots of and support. Only you know if you can spend the rest of your life with him. I don't think he is thinking at his point and hopefully just give him a little space and I am sure all will work out for the best. Good Luck!!!!!!

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

Good luck!!!