Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Hi ladies,

I know I don't post a lot but I need some serious opinions.

Here is the story. My FBIL was married back in 2000 and my FMIL wore a ball gown to his wedding that was completely inappropriate, totally upstaging the bride. Anyway, history is repeating itself. Knowing that she had done this once before I had told her I wanted to go with her to go dress shopping, she completely disregarded me and did what she wanted to do anyway.

So after I have been in the hospital with kidney stones, she calls me up today to tell me she got her dress, all excited. So when I asked her what it looked like, she hesitated.

So she tells me its a beige fully beaded evening gown. Well since I am in an IVORY fully beaded wedding gown maybe everyone will think we are twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so livid right now, I don't know what to do. I tried to explain that I am the bride and the emphasis should be on me and the mothers should be in understated dresses. She was all like well I like my dress.

UGHHHHHHHHH. I am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom is pissed too, which is going to start a huge fight between them.

What can I do???????????????

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

u need to take a deep breath.....you are the bride nothing will be taken away from that......you are going to look beautiful.......i know this is annoying....but if you try to seem like it doesnt bother you you will rise above this stupid woman.....talk to your FH and express your feelings she wont listen to you but maybe him...if not you must forget it.....its your day whether your wearing a potato sack or not dont let anyone ruin it

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Honestly, you have to decide how far you want to take this. You have several options, but think about how much this really matters to you. This would make me really mad, but I dont know if I would make a big deal out of it, just to keep the peace and it seems like a small chance that she will actually decide to change her dress, given she already knows how you feel. By the way, I dont think another woman in the room can fully upstage a bride on her wedding day.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Not sure if it would help you much, but do you know how FBIL's wife handled it at the time? How does FH feel about it?

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Whats so aggravating is that she completely disregarded me whan I had told her that I would like to go with her dress shopping.

At my FBIL's wedding I can't tell you how many people came up to the bride and were like wow your MIL really went all out for your wedding but you look beautiful also. I will kill her if that happens to me.

I love my gown and think it is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on and feel like a princess in it and I do not want anyone to diminish that.

I just feel that beige is too close to ivory to be appropriate. My mom wouldn't get beige for that reason.

I had told FH that I was upset when she told me she was going dress shopping without me and he said he would talk to her but didn't get the chance to and now he is calling her right now because he doesn't want me to be upset.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Hey guess what my FMIL did the same THING! At my FBIL wedding she totally upstaged the bride! I was so mad that she was going to do it again for my wedding. She got her make up done hair everything. So... I made my mom get a ball gown that is really fancy and she is getting her hair and makeup done too. My FMIL is not going to be upsaging me at my wedding so help me god! lol

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Did you ever talk to the bride of that wedding and how she felt? I never asked my sister in law how she felt. I would be sSOOOOO MAD if some one came up to me and said that..

As you can see i have alot to comment about when it comes to this issue!!! We can vent to gether!

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

Not sure if it would help you much, but do you know how FBIL's wife handled it at the time? How does FH feel about it?

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Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

I'd get a look at the dress and then decide whether it's worth the confrontation.

My mom got an IVORY dress. But it's understated and beautiful and she loves it. I told her it was gorgeous and left it at that.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Get a look at the dress first. See if it's not appropriate. If it's not, let her know that you would have liked to go with her and this is the reason. The dress is ...fill in the blanks..

Tell her that if she cannot exchange it, you will pay for a new dress for her and she can wear that dress to another occassion.

Be calm about it. Try not to let this upset you too much.

My mom wore a beautiful off-white dress and I couldn't have been happier for her. She looked beautiful.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Take a look at the dress first. Maybe you can bring one of FH's aunts or older female relative who can say something to your FMIL if the dress is not appropriate.

You will still be in the center of attention, you're the bride... don't worry.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

This is a hard situation, because if your FH won't back you up then who will? Does he have a sister maybe that can talk to her?

If I went to the wedding where the MOG was wearing something like that I would think "what the heck was she thinking" and laugh at her behind her back.
Don't worrry YOU are the bride and your silly FMIL won't take away from that.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

I was upset about the dress my mother chose for our wedding. And in all honesty, it was the LAST thing on my mind on my wedding day. I completely forgot all about how I felt. I couldn't even tell you on my wedding day what my mother was wearing if I tried! She could have shown up in jeans and a t-shirt for all I noticed.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

A co-worker had a similar problem. It was a nightmare for her and I remember how stressed it made her...but two weeks before her wedding she seemed okay with it out of nowhere. After the wedding I found out why...after going back and forth with her FMIL and her FH and getting nowhere she decided to give in and let her FMIL wear the dress she bought - which was "almond" in color and had a small train with beaded details. What she did instead - without telling anyone was to basically rain on the FMIL's parade. This woman wanted to be the center of attention - so she made sure that there was very little opportunity for that. The photographer was instructed to not take any full length pics of the FMIL, the videographer was to do the same as well as keep any and all shots of her to a minimum except for the necessary shots, the DJ was instructed to cut the dance with her son short and to move through her entrance quickly. So imagine the surprise when her MIL saw the video and album...but it was perfect because she was able to play it off like she had no idea.

In addition to that...so many people commented on how the FMIL had worn an inappropriate dress throughout the night. In the end she only hurt herself by her selfishness.

Just wanted to add this...I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

you need to tell her that this is YOUR WEDDING
and your FH also needs to talk some sense into her. NONsense. sorry this is happening to you!

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

O my god this is hysterical what a grrrreat plan!!!

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

Your FH should be Just as if not more pissed that his mother is doing this to you and him on your wedding day.. he should go off on her.. that is SOOOO WRONG!!!! If my fmil did that, i think my mom would have a "talk" with her! What is wrong with some people!

if she doesnt change her dress.. just remember, she is really making herself look like an a$$ to everyone for doing such a thing to a bride on her wedding day! uggg... some people just always have to be the center of attention...!!

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

I can only image how frustrated you must be feeling right now. But if you can try to focus on the fact that you are THE bride. She is going to look like some foolish older lady who made a poor wardrobe decision. If that isn't enough of a comfort I would recruit your FH to tell her he thinks it will look ridiculous in photographs, maybe hearing his opinion will knock some sense into her. As a final line of defense you could force her to sit through the cinematic atrocity, Monster-In-Law (or at least the end) so she can see how silly and petty a FMIL dressed similarly to the bride looks. Good Luck!!!

Re: Furious at FMIL - Need HELP

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Posted by Ang&Rich

A co-worker had a similar problem. It was a nightmare for her and I remember how stressed it made her...but two weeks before her wedding she seemed okay with it out of nowhere. After the wedding I found out why...after going back and forth with her FMIL and her FH and getting nowhere she decided to give in and let her FMIL wear the dress she bought - which was "almond" in color and had a small train with beaded details. What she did instead - without telling anyone was to basically rain on the FMIL's parade. This woman wanted to be the center of attention - so she made sure that there was very little opportunity for that. The photographer was instructed to not take any full length pics of the FMIL, the videographer was to do the same as well as keep any and all shots of her to a minimum except for the necessary shots, the DJ was instructed to cut the dance with her son short and to move through her entrance quickly. So imagine the surprise when her MIL saw the video and album...but it was perfect because she was able to play it off like she had no idea.

In addition to that...so many people commented on how the FMIL had worn an inappropriate dress throughout the night. In the end she only hurt herself by her selfishness.

Just wanted to add this...I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

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