Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

I am hugging all you girls right now...

The worst that I can say about my FMIL is that she is a PIMA!!! She's not allowed to have any say in my wedding and FH is fine with that.. He is pretty indifferent about her to begin with..

The closest thing to a FMIL we have is FH's Aunt Marge, who is FMIL's sister..
Now SHE I involve heavily in our wedding.. she's more of a mom to FH and my mom adores her and Aunt Marge's daughter is getting Married 3 months b4 us in Florida, so she's going through all the planning with her daughter too.. so Wednesday Me, my mom, My MOH and Aunt Marge are going to the bridal show at my hall together!!

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

Wow, we totally needed a thread started on this!

My FMIL (like someone else mention on here) does not call the house ever! She will never call me to ask about me, or how the preparations are coming along, if I need a hand or anything.

If she wants to talk to my FH, she calls his cell, and lately they have not been talking since she pissed him off. She sent him an EMAIL the other day, and said something like we all need to talk, this should be a happy time an noone is getting along?! ***?! Well it is a happy time and SORRY you are not happy about it! As far as needing to get together to TALK.. OH GOD..I can't TAKE her CRAP anymore. She is SOOO twisted.

I extended my hand to her numerous times and called her when she was going through her health issues, since then NO RECIPROCATION at all! No calling me to see how I AM, how about a call, like " hey sweetie, how are you? How's the planning going? If you need a hand let me know, let's do lunch" That's how it should BE, but she has choosen this bridge she built.

I believe they all LOVED his ex. The Grandmother had the nerve to tell me on NY Eve that the difference between the ex and I were that the ex (she uses her name like she's still around) was so loving and hugged them all the time when she came over... UM excuse me, I am very loving and warm. The only reasons why I had not extended myself more in the past is b/c of their treatment towards me. You see I'm not some door mat fiance that's going to let his mother and them walk all over me and determine our life together and impose strange things on me. The reason she hates me is b/c I stole her little boy and she can't WAKE up and see he is a MAN now..and she does not like that I'm a strong person I bet you. She wishes I was like his ex, fake and pretended to like them, when in reality I heard through my FH's friends that the ex would complain to them all the time about how she could NOT STAND his mother and them. This was the main reason she broke it off.

Anyway, I told the Grandmother that day listen she is no longer in the picture it's been almost 3 years we are together and I would appreciate you not bringing her name up anymore! Im so glad I said that! Anyway, I could go on and on..

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

This is great!!
My FH had our wedding song played at a party for us. When I was dancing with him she came up and said "I am the mother and it is wrong that he is dancing with you when I am the mother". Ok so I think she is crazy and I let it go. Then I try to keep her involed in some wedding plans. She is alone and does not drive or anything. When I take her places she says "I am the mother and this is my special day with my son". UGH!!! She just does not get it!!

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

i have a few problems with my FMIL, but also with how FH deals with his mom.

IMO she is just an airhead. also FH is a bit of a mommas boy, so whenever i do talk to her, she is always saying michael this, michael that and giving me tips on how to take care of him in the future- i.e.- make sure his shirts get ironed when he goes to work. i basically said to that- he is perfectly capable of ironing.

at first FH would say, she means well, etc. he would also give me tips about random things saying 'mom says that you should do that'. i had the last straw when he was having a problem with me and decided to talk to his mother first, giving away very personal stuff i told him. that resulted in a huge fight....

since then we went to FOCCUS and pre-cana. one of the problems that came up was his mother. a lot of things have been solved between me and FH thanks to the FOCCUS and pre cana. he realised many things and yes that doesnt solve issues about his mother, but i have to learn to pick my battles. she just annoys me....

for those that are having a Catholic ceremony there is a reading about how the man is 'leaving' his family for his new wife. it is from the old testament. do that for a reading if you have mommas boys....

Message edited 3/14/2006 2:26:22 PM.

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

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Posted by FDWedding07

This is great!!
My FH had our wedding song played at a party for us. When I was dancing with him she came up and said "I am the mother and it is wrong that he is dancing with you when I am the mother". Ok so I think she is crazy and I let it go. Then I try to keep her involed in some wedding plans. She is alone and does not drive or anything. When I take her places she says "I am the mother and this is my special day with my son". UGH!!! She just does not get it!!

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Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

i actually thought about buying a copy of monster-in-law for FMIL awhile back when it was in the theaters. I guess I was foreshadowing....that move sure does hit home!

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

My FH had our wedding song played at a party for us. When I was dancing with him she came up and said "I am the mother and it is wrong that he is dancing with you when I am the mother". Ok so I think she is crazy and I let it go. Then I try to keep her involed in some wedding plans. She is alone and does not drive or anything. When I take her places she says "I am the mother and this is my special day with my son". UGH!!! She just does not get it!!


OMG -- what is listed above is my worst fear come true and I have totally envisioned it. Yikes! And, I really truly think that FMIL thinks this is all about her. Sounds like our FMILs are the same person.

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

Ok, I'm not trying to sounds sick, but it sounds like the things your FMIL's do are sick. These woman (FMILs) are using their sons as husbands (or admiring males). These women seem to really want some sort of closeness or attention from their sons, which is really inappropriate. It's like another (younger) woman is stealing their husbands (ie. sons).

Message edited 3/14/2006 5:01:14 PM.

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

This is a great thread!!!!

My FMIL has...
1.) Told me I make her son unhappy
2.) has not invited my family for more than coffee and cake
3) When my parents were expecting their first grandchild is didn't even call to congratulate them
4) Has told my MOH, "She's not my daughter..."
5) Lied REPEATEDLY to her son!!!!
6) Has told me, "I don't think of you." ~I I don't think my FMIL thinks at all
7) Has told me how miserable I am going to be when I am married ~sounds like they have issues!
8) I asked her to go shopping with my BM and she said working at stacking Hallmark cards is more important
9) I asked her to go for a hair trial and sahe said, "I'll get back to you" I'm still waiting!
10.) Lied to my mom and said that my MOH "just called her." (Yeah 3 weeks earlier!)

Oh my goodness girls..I could go on forever!

After having a Psych degree..I think she's a sociopath (she has no remorse for anything that she does and sees nothing wrong with her behavior..nor does she take responsibility for these things!)

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

I also forgot to add..
On my b-day she didn't even call in fact she gave me a coffee pot off the registry!

But for her SIL she called him and through a giant party (with extended family too)

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

After all the ex problems I've had with her, she just called my FH phone and left a message saying that she didn't understand how she was being inconsiderate of us as a couple and that she has tried so hard to be considerate of us. BULL SH$T!!!!!!

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

Okay, I have a personal website that I post on when I'm having a rough day or something. It's just for me to vent. I'm going to show you what I posted on it. The reason I posted this is because she somehow found it and asked, "Does your hatred for his family bother BJ? I am so torn up over your hatred for me." Read it and weep girls!


I love the fact that people think I'm stupid. I think it's absolutely hilarious. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I damn sure ain't the dullest.

I am so sick and tired of people trying to start stuff, so I'm just going to finish it right now. I DO NOT hate BJ's family. I really like some of them. I love his Dad's side of the family and Mrs. Dorothy and Holly and Bill. LOVE THEM! They are so supportive of anything that we want to do. Especially Aunt Jan... she's freakin' funny.

I like his Mom's side of the family. I think they are nice. I had fun at Christmas hanging out with Tyler and stuff. It was great. I do not by any means hate them. I just feel like they are very unsupportive of BJ and I and our decisions. Tyler was the only one that made it clear that he wouldn't do it this way, but he supported BJ because he wanted BJ to be happy. I definitely appreciate that. It made BJ feel really good.

The thing that really makes things difficult is that when we are invited to a family function and Tracy is there. We understand that Tracy and Ms. Rita are friends and that is fine, but there comes a point where it's ridiculous. We had to go get our engagement present at Tracy's house... She was there at Christmas... She was at the cookout this weekend. I honestly think that Ms. Rita is trying to make it difficult for me and BJ. It's not really working. The only thing that is resulting out of that is that BJ is getting madder and madder everytime it happens. We understand that the family likes Tracy, but we also know that if the family was supportive of him and his decisions that they would make sure that she showed up after we left or before we came or whatever. If they cared at all about him and his feelings, they wouldn't make sure that she was there everytime. And, by they I mean the ones that plan for her to come.

I'm sorry if this pissed you off.... but something needs to be said. It's time that they realize that BJ is an adult. He can make his own decisions and if they happen to be the wrong ones, he has to deal with the consequences... But, until his decisions are wrong, they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

If you feel that you need to speak to me about this, please feel free to email me at mrsbyrd@yahoo.com or call me at (home) or (work).

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

ha.. my fmil doesnt even send the pics of FH's new niece to me anymore.. we dont have a land line, but she doesnt call my cell.. and one morning she called his while in the shower and he asked me to answer.. her first response was, i thought he'd be on his way to work by now.. no hello or anything..

but hey, if she wants to play that game! i can "forget" to share stuff and include her too!

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

WHat is WRONG with our FMIL's??? WHY can't they just be NICE people? :(

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

this is the place where we could just type for days...........................................lol....mines not that bad........but she has her moments!!!! like making a face about her seating arrangement at the eparty............are you paying??? uhh no

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

I have had some issues with FMIL as well....here is my list:
1) Is upset about WHEN I ordered my dress...said that I was being ridiculous for ordering my dress as early as I did
2) Told me and FH that I am the reason the family breaking up
3) Told me and FH and I am causing hard feelings with FSIL because I asked her to order her BM dress by a certain date
4) Told FH that I am "too controlling" over the wedding and I "make FH enter into contract with vendors when FH doesn’t want to" (FH had my back on that one)
5) Accused me of lying in an e-mail that I sent to my BMs. FSIL forwarded it to her (what grade are we in?)
6) Told FH that my mother is "too involved" in the wedding. (NEWS FLASH--my mom and dad are helping us pay...we WANT them involved)
7) Yelled at me after I asked FSIL (in the infamous e4-mail) if she was getting her makeup done for the wedding
8) Told me that I can't insist that my BMs wear a certain thing/get hair done/get makeup done.
9) Told me that I should change my favors and get "better ones" after she went to a very lavish wedding where the favor must've cost $25 a piece
10) Told me to change my CPs by saying "oh, THOSE are you favors??? Why don't you do something a little nicer"

The list goes on and on...

Half the time I don’t even think she knows how insulting she is. At this point, I smile and knod and try to keep the peace. Before FH and I were engaged I had a great relationship with her. Then all of a sudden, things changed. I wish it were different

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

After hearing all of you ladies vent, I truly feel sorry for all of you. I hope things will get better after your weddings. I don't understand why some FMIL's act that way. One of my sisters' MIL is a real head case. She threaten to not come to the wedding the day before, I forgot why she was acting imature. My other sister's MIL can be very pushy and annoying. She does have her moments. My FMIL and I had our moments when FH and I started dating. When I met him I had just turned 22 and he was 24. I was into partying and dressing like a s%^#t. She felt I was way to imature for him. I agree, at that time I was because of my age. Through the years we became kind of close. I cannot see her being nasty and spiteful after we get married. I hope she doesn't turn like that. I won't have any SIL or BIL because FH is an only child. So I lucked out.


I wish all of you ladies the best of luck.

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

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Posted by ellebelle1

Ok, I'm not trying to sounds sick, but it sounds like the things your FMIL's do are sick. These woman (FMILs) are using their sons as husbands (or admiring males). These women seem to really want some sort of closeness or attention from their sons, which is really inappropriate. It's like another (younger) woman is stealing their husbands (ie. sons).

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Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

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Posted by Boston&NY2006

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Posted by ellebelle1

Ok, I'm not trying to sounds sick, but it sounds like the things your FMIL's do are sick. These woman (FMILs) are using their sons as husbands (or admiring males). These women seem to really want some sort of closeness or attention from their sons, which is really inappropriate. It's like another (younger) woman is stealing their husbands (ie. sons).

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I totally agree. It's like some sick, reverse Oedipal complex or something...It totally sounds like these crazy FMILs are jealous of the women that are marrying their sons...CREEPY!

Let's all take an oath that we will never behave like this 30 or 40 years from now when our sons are getting married...

I'll start:

I, Boston&NY2006, do hereby swear that I will never be a sick, twisted MIL. I will never be rude, nasty, impolite, or even slighly cold to my son's fiancee. I will welcome my FDIL into my family with open arms because this is the woman my son has chosen to spend his life with, and she is therefore precious to me. I will keep my opinions to myself, I will not try to make their wedding (or their life, or their family) decisions my own, and I will respect them enough to let them make their own choices. Most of all, I will not act like my son is my husband because that's just gross.

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Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

I was soooo happy when I saw this thread...I have SUCH problems with my FMIL...it's worse b/c FH and I have two babies and that justs adds to the drama b/c she's a LUNATIC!! I think we're up to about 5 times now that we'll go for months without speaking to his mother..shes very controlling and I'm sorry but I like to control my life...she craves drama in her life and I just don't have time for it...she is the only person to say bad things about me my entire life...im no saint but im very easygoing and get along with people easy so the fact that FMIL has a problem with me is very disturbing. She and her husband hate each other and sadly enough shes trying to prevent her son from being happy b/c shes so not!!!I wish his brother would get a gf so that FMIL could harass them for a while.She'll act like she likes me but I know the second I'm outta the room she talks about me...she does it to everyone else...and she always goes through FH to tell me stuff...it's so childish an annoying!!!

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

hm... i don't even know if i want to start b/c i don't know if i'll stop.

in general she can be a very nice person, just high maintanence. but when she crosses the line, she REALLY crosses it.

1) one example: she told fh that i was the most spoiled person she had ever met and did nothing but sit around her house and read her paper and leave plates out, etc, etc. this hurt me SO bad and i spent the rest of the day crying. that is possibly the biggest insult and most hurtful thing someone could ever say to me b/c i try SO hard to NOT be spoiled or lazy and put the least amount of pressure/work on people. i'm constantly cleaning up after myself and doing extra work, asking before i do things, etc. it hurt even more b/c apparently his grandma had made a comment about how ungrateful and lazy we were like two days before.

-i'm NOT spoiled, far from it. if my mom or dad ever knew about this they would rip her apart. i spend nothing, hate accepting gifts, and have worked all my life. we had also spent the last week running errands for her. granted i wasn't working at the time, but it was b/c we were visiting her while moving and she WOULDN"T LET US LEAVE! i had to turn down like 3 jobs b/c i couldn't get up there.

-i was sitting on the couch b/c i had fallen down HER stairs and badly sprained my ankle and i was sick. plus, fh was out running errands for her with the car. what else was i supposed to do? help her maid clean up? i had already done a bunch of errands for her.

-yes i read her paper, but we were all sitting around talking and drinking coffee, she was perfectly capable of reading it too and i offered it to her before i read it.

-fh left ONE plate on the counter. apparently that's my fault. shouldn't be a big deal anyway because she has a MAID!

2) her best friend's son died and she nicely offered to plan the funeral. she then spent the whole day compaining about how much work she had done and blah blah blah (she called the funeral hall and a caterer) and had a friend PUT HER BED AND WAIT ON HER while dishing out compliments about how great she was... um your best friend lost his son, shouldn't he be the one complaining?

3) the next day she was throwing a party (which once again means she calls a decorater, party planner, and caterer) and spent the WHOLE DAY in bed with me waiting on her (serving her meals, etc) with a sprained ankle while fh ran errands from 7am - 6pm. after the party started, i was sent out to run more errands and fh and i had to babysit for her friend's kids. she later complained about the bill on his credit card (which was all for HER stuff for the party since we NEVER use credit and she knows it) and the next day gave us the speech about how lazy and useless we are.

4) she doesn't understand why we can't just stay engaged since all marriages end in divorce according to her and her mother. real uplifting let me tell you...

5) she occasionally treats fh like absolute sh|t - blaming him for everything.

ugh, sorry about that, but it's good to get off your chest since i have no one to talk to about it since i don't want to "bash" her to fh and my parent's would throw a fit if they found out.

usually she can be really nice, but on occasion she can really just hurt you for no reason whatsoever. i guess she has things going on, but still... don't be mean.

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

Oh thank god for this thread!!!!!!

I have to say, FMIL is actually nice to me, but I do have issues with her on certain matters.

1) She had the nerve to tell me that FH is a disappointment professionally because he didn't finish college, instead he joined the Army and sacrificed 4 years of his life. During his time he went to Afghanistan and Iraq. I don't call that a disappointment, I call that extremely brave & selfless.

2) She can not stop harping about him going to college. She thinks that I will push him. I've told him that if that's what he wants, I will never stop him from doing that. I will support his decision 110%. When he was going to college, he was studying accounting which is what she pushed on him. He actually wanted to join the marines, but she talked him out of it. He hated accounting, so he joined the Army.

3) She can not stop busting my chops about me driving. I'll drive when I am good and ready. I will not be pressured by her.

4) She wants to have our rehearsal dinner the night before my wedding. My wedding is at 11:30 am the next day and I'm leaving my house at 8:00 to go to Milleridge. When the hell am I supposed to get proper rest?????? Is she insane?????

5) When FH and I had our first fight when we started dating, he told me that his mother wished that I had a degree, but was glad that I went to a business school. She should be more concerned on how I treat her son rather if I have a degree. Damn I didn't know it was a prerequist in dating her son to have a degree.

Ok I feel better now

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

Sign Me Up

My FMIL hounded me about what my mom was wearing even insisted i show her a picture, so i did, so 3 months till wedding i ask her if she ever got something to wear to the wedding or if she needs me to take her, (she doesn't drive), she says no she has an idea of what she might wear and it is a SURPRISe, what!!! i told her what I am wearing is a surprise not her, so finally she said she is wearing pants, maybe with a jacket from her closet. OK!!, but i guess that is better than the threat of wearing the same dress she wore to FH's brother's wedding 3 years ago,

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

this group is great..

Re: Official FMIL Issue Support Group

OK my turn ,my turn
I must say I love my fmil, she is very helpful but I do have things that I hate

1- FH IS IN SCHOOL HE HAS 4 YEARS TO GO FOR PHARMACY SCHOOL, WELL IM IN MY 3 YEAR OF NURSING SCHOOL TOO, WELL SHE IS ALWAYS TELLING ME HOW IM GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF FH WHILE HE IS IN SCHOOL, IM GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ALL THE BILLS( OK SHE IS CRAZY, FOR THAT I RATHER STAY AT MY PARENTS HOUSE THEN TO SUPPORT A 27 YEAR OLD MAN).
2- SHE KEEP TELLING PEOPLE THAT WE ARE GOING TO WAIT 4 YEARS BEFORE WE HAVE KIDS BECAUSE HER SON HAS TO FINISH SCHOOL ( OK WHO'S MARRIAGE IS THIS?)
3- SHE TOLD ME MY SON HAS IT HARDER THEN YOU DO IN SCHOOL SO HE CANT HAVE A FULL TIME JOB RIGHT NOW( OK I WORK FULL TIME AND GO TO SCHOOL FULL TIME, HE NOW WRK FULL TIME BUT WHEN SHE SAID THIS HE WAS PART TIME AND ONLY HAD 2 CLASSES, COME ON)