Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

I'm sure I'm not the only one out there....

I feel like my fiance's family are sucking me in! Like the world is spinning around me and they are in control!

I just wanted a beautiful destination wedding, maybe in either Charleston, S.C. or at the Biltmore in Asheville, N.C.-
But NOOOOOOOOO..... the wedding has to be Glatt Kosher! No kosher at the Biltmore, No kosher in Charleston.


Ok, so I'll have it at an amazing venue in NYC-
But NOOOOOO.... Glatt Kosher costs sooo much extra, and the venues MUST be square (that apparently makes a nicer party), and I'd be spending way too much per person.


Ok, so I GUESS I'll look at Synagogues in LI (which I know NOTHING about, since I'm originally from SC, living in Manhattan 6 years). So, I look at places which I don't know how to get to, Synagogues that his family know about, been to, think are good.

Ok, we find one we like. FINE. We go in to talk to the caterers, and it's all about my fiance's family. They ask me what we'd like to eat, and I just felt like saying, "does it really matter what I want?".

Also, I'm hand-making my own invitations (it's what I do), and come to find out that I may have to do it in Hebrew, because that's what THEY want. Ummm...HELLO??? I don't give a ratts *** about Hebrew, I don't want it on my invite, nobody can read it, and I think it's UGLY!

I want to have a beach theme, with crabs and lobsters, and other sea-life....but NOOOOOOO, no lobster or crab ANYTHING can be present at the synagogue. "it's offensive".
Ok, so that means no starfish, sharks, dolphins, octopus, sea shells, sand dollars, etc... because they aren't kosher. I guess I'll just decorate with sea bass and salmon. How beautiful.

Like, you religious ladies all wear pearls, right? Well, they come from UN-***-KOSHER OYSTERS!

I am just so frustrated. I called my mother and told her I am one hair away from having a Vegas wedding, and if his family doesn't like it they can kiss my u-know-what. I feel like I'm going to break down at any moment. I feel like my wedding has become some religious freakish nightmare, and I can't wake up.

sorry for the length and anger in this, I just had to get it out. Can anyone relate to my situation?

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

I cant relate... but I hope you get thru and able to get the wedding 'YOU' want.:

Is his parent even paying for the wedding?

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

wow! it sounds like they're making a lot of demands for your wedding. are they paying for it? if not, I would tell them diplomatically sorry, it's not your wedding!

ETA: are you Jewish? it sounds like you may not be. if that is the case, you can't get married in a Synagogue.

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:18:47 PM.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

It's your wedding and let them know that you'll be doing what you want! You are more then happy to listen to any "SUGGESTIONS" they may have but ultimatly "YOU" will have the final say! Unless they want to pay for the whole damn wedding tell them to just back off!!!

I feel for you!! Good luck!!!

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Oh my word! I would elope, too.
You will find that the most common point of view on this board is "If you ain't payin, you ain't sayin". ( I think that's ChrissynRicky's phrase).HTH. I know it doesn't. I am all for eloping, but that will probably make everyone so much more angry...

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

If they are not paying for the wedding, then it's your choice! You can only be accomodating to others so much. It's YOUR wedding!

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

There are some beautiful synagogues, and a lot of non-synagogues that can do kosher weddings.

Try Abbigale Kirsch - she has a venue at the Chelsea Piers - you could do kosher and have a nautical theme (but unfortunately shell fish is a no go in a kosher wedding) but you can have caviar.

The Waldorff-Astoria does kosher weddings and it is beautiful and has an old world feel

Try central synagogue in NYC or where I got married The Great Neck Synagogue (in Great Neck on Long Island).

There is also a temple in Cedarhurst which is a beautiful round synagogue - but I was not personally in love with the reception venue it has a tudor feel to it.

For places on the water try Crescent Beach Club - it is on the water but I am not sure if it will meet the kosher requirement.

ETS: To get married at Great Neck Synagogue you need to certify that both you, your fiancee and all of your parents are jewish.

ETA: I thought pearls were bad luck at weddings???

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:31:29 PM.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Wow, that is a lot to ask - they are being so demanding. I thought I had complaints - ugh. I'm sorry they're being like that. As for the beach theme -why can't you continue with it with the crabs and all -its not like they're eating them off the invites!

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Hi - I know EXACTLY what you are going through with the Glatt Kosher, etc... .... I know we spoke through FM a while back.

Honestly.. we had GORGEOUS invitations with hebrew on them, people still compliment me on them. I also have a program I can tell where you to get (for free) with hebrew fonts.

Also, the Crest Hollow does Glatt Kosher, and we got an amazing price per person (well under $100) and it's a beautiful place.

FM me anytime

Michelle

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:24:44 PM.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

i'm so sorry that things are getting crazy and making you so miserable.

is there a way to compromise to find a happy medium for both sides?

i went to a party at the huntington townhouse a few years ago and the food was glatt kosher. i dont know if it was made there or brought in....

as for synagogues on LI, if they are adamant about having glatt, then only conservative or orthodox synagogues will have that. there are some reform synagogues that have kosher caterers, but since it seems that your fils are pretty observant, then that wouldnt work for them.

hebrew is a beautiful language. just b/c you may not understand it, your fils and some of their guests will.
if you are dead set against having an all hebrew invite, one option is to have hebrew on one side and the english on the other, or you could just have your hebrew names and the hebrew date of your wedding under the secular ones.

yes kosher food is much more expensive than non-kosher. if it is that important to your fils, then ask them to pay for it.

get your fh involved in this so it does not become them against you.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Thanks all...

I am Jewish as well, but obviously not religious. And certainly not kosher.

It's just frustrating.

We found a beautifuly synagogue, Temple Beth Shalom in Roslyn, catered by Newman and Levinthal. Not so bad....I just really didn't want to have my wedding in a Synagogue.

Oh, and PS, his parents are putting in HALF for the wedding, so they do have a say in it. HOWEVER, they HAVE to put in half because my parents can't afford a KOSHER WEDDING!!!

If I had it where I wanted, how I wanted it, my parents could pay for my wedding. BUT NOOOOOO....it must be GLATT KOSHER. So, his parents had to pay for some. Plus, my parents are inviting about 100 people (in which maybe 50 will show) and his parents are inviting around 100-150 people, in which almost all of them will show.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

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Posted by nychaos99

Thanks all...

I am Jewish as well, but obviously not religious. And certainly not kosher.

It's just frustrating.

We found a beautifuly synagogue, Temple Beth Shalom in Roslyn, catered by Newman and Levinthal. Not so bad....I just really didn't want to have my wedding in a Synagogue.

Oh, and PS, his parents are putting in HALF for the wedding, so they do have a say in it. HOWEVER, they HAVE to put in half because my parents can't afford a KOSHER WEDDING!!!

If I had it where I wanted, how I wanted it, my parents could pay for my wedding. BUT NOOOOOO....it must be GLATT KOSHER. So, his parents had to pay for some. Plus, my parents are inviting about 100 people (in which maybe 50 will show) and his parents are inviting around 100-150 people, in which almost all of them will show.

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Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

All Ican say is OH GOD!! It sounds like a nightmare, seriously. Have they taken your faith into consideration at all? Geesh, doesn't sound like it. I wish you the best of luck, I'm at a loss for words. Talk about control. You poor thing.

I just saw your post.Ooops didn't know you were jewish as well. Didn't sound like it for a minute as I was reading. Sorry

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:38:09 PM.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

We had the same thing DH and I are not very religious, but SIL is VERY religious, my MIL keeps kosher (but is semi-religious), my father's entire side of the family are VERY religious (I'm talking black hats, Buro Park religious) and the rabbi that married us is Lubavitch, along with half the people from our synaguouge that my father invited. So, we really had no choice but to go Glatt. I feel your pain, really!!!

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Maybe you should talk to your FH and just tell him how you are feeling....

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Crescent Beach Club can do Glatt kosher. I think they can also do some Glatt kosher meals and the rest non-kosher. Their food, service, etc is excellent. We had kosher meals for some of our guests, but I don't remember whether any of them were Glatt kosher.

I'm sorry you feel you have no say in your wedding. You should be allowed to make decisions especially if you are paying for it. However, you also need to take your FI's family into consideration. How religious is your FI and his family? What does he think about this? If his family is very religious, you should respect their beliefs and customs. I'm not saying you have to give in to all of their requests, but perhaps you can sit down with your FI and find a way to compromise. If you don't accommodate his family at all, his entire family may not be able to attend. Since your wedding should be a celebration of the joining of two families, hopefully you can figure out something that will satisfy everyone. Good luck.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Blu-ize:

My FH is more than happy to do whatever I want. But he works for his dad! His dad owns a company, and the FH works with him. SO, we can't just do what we want. We have to still respect the family. They basically pay his (and soon to be my) bills.

Thank goodness, my sanity is kept by the fact that I'm starting my own company fairly soon, hand-making invitations. I keep that in the back of my head at all times. (hence, my frustration that AGAIN, I must do what they tell me and have hebrew on my invites. YUCK.) I'm not saying that invitations can't be STUNNING and gorgeous with hebrew, it's just not for me, that's all. It's not the style I'm going for, and my invitations will most likely be unique, fun, and three-dimensional. I can't imagine sliding a traditional hebrew invite in there with it!

Plus, my invitations might be the one and only wedding aspect I have complete control of.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

I am so sorry they are doing this to you and making you feel this way I hope things work out soon and you get to have the wedding of your dreams.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

I'm sorry you're dealing w/ this. But what does FH have to say? He should be involved in these decisions also since it's his wedding too. It shouldn't be a battle between you and his parents.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

If you want to incorporate it, have the Hebrew on the back of the card - since it will be 3 dimensional, if you have part of it slide out, just use thicker paper so it is not see through and put the hebrew on the back. That way you satisfy your FILS but have the English side just that and satisfy you. It took me a long time to learn this but the wedding is not just about the bride, sure it is her day and she should be happy, but there are other people involved and they deserve to be happy too, because it sounds like you will be living closely with your FILs it will make your life easier down the road if you get off on the right foot now.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

I am so sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine how frustrated you are and rightfully so. I hope in the end it all works out. Best of luck!

Please let me know when you start making invitations. My wedding is in Dec 2007 and I would love a beautiful unique Christmas themed invite (if you could do that) hehe.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

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Posted by nychaos99

Blu-ize:

My FH is more than happy to do whatever I want. But he works for his dad! His dad owns a company, and the FH works with him. SO, we can't just do what we want. We have to still respect the family. They basically pay his (and soon to be my) bills.

Thank goodness, my sanity is kept by the fact that I'm starting my own company fairly soon, hand-making invitations. I keep that in the back of my head at all times. (hence, my frustration that AGAIN, I must do what they tell me and have hebrew on my invites. YUCK.) I'm not saying that invitations can't be STUNNING and gorgeous with hebrew, it's just not for me, that's all. It's not the style I'm going for, and my invitations will most likely be unique, fun, and three-dimensional. I can't imagine sliding a traditional hebrew invite in there with it!

Plus, my invitations might be the one and only wedding aspect I have complete control of.

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Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

Wait a second, let's take a step back. Glatt Kosher and Kosher are two different things (just to clarify). Unless, his family is composed of all orthodox, then there is no reason to have Glatt Kosher, as opposed to plain Kosher. Do the in-laws reallize that you can always order special meals that are specifically Glatt Kosher. You shouldn't have to have a Glatt Kosher wedding if one person is Glatt Kosher.

Also, about the invitations, I think that your in-laws are overstepping their boundaries, 100%. They can not tell you what type of invites you are to have. It's your wedding.

Message edited 3/7/2006 1:06:09 PM.

Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

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Posted by Blu-ize

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Posted by nychaos99

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If they don't pay for 1/2 will they still come to a non-kosher wedding? If you and your parents pay for the wedding and have it your way, can you still have it kosher in a place and with the all the details that you want. I'm trying tocut them out of the money side so they don't have a say. Can you and your FH with your parents have a glatt kosher wedding somwhere that you can afford?

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Re: Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

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Posted by ellebelle1

Wait a second, let's take a step back. Glatt Kosher and Kosher are two different things (just to clarify). Unless, his family is composed of all orthodox, then there is no reason to have Glatt Kosher, as opposed to plain Kosher. Do the in-laws reallize that you can always order special meals that are specifically Glatt Kosher. You shouldn't have to have a Glatt Kosher wedding if one person is Glatt Kosher.

Also, about the invitations, I think that your in-laws are overstepping their boundaries, 100%. They can not tell you what type of invites you are to have. It's your wedding.

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