Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Okay, so friends of ours put their home on the market with an RE agent. They are moving to NH. They let us know.... One weeks goes by. On Saturday, DH and I were talking and were like "maybe we should look at the house". As we talked about it, the idea got better. We thought the asking was very fair, the house had nice land and was in good condition. Have always though this.

DH was like "we have only looked at the house as friends of theirs"... We should go with a broker and see how we feel about it being ours... Well, I was uncomfortable walking around our friends house without their permission, even though the home was on the market. Instead of going through them and making them uncomfortable (and we knew time was of the essence as it was a good deal), we called their broker and asked her to show us the house. We let the realtor know we were friends of theirs and who we were. We liked it and made an appointment for tomorrow to see it again. We got back to the house and called them. Still weren't home. I left a message saying... I just wanted to let you know we looked at your house today.... and then, blah blah, blah... The realtor calls this morning and is like, "I spoke with the Steve and they accepted an offer slightly overasking this morning. They are no longer showing the house (they knew we were coming). And they were uncomfortable selling to you..." The RE continues to say "I tried to persuade them that bids fall through but they are insistant." I totally understand that they made a business decision and respect it- they had to get their highest bid, but do you think they are mad at us or we did anything wrong? Maybe they feel like we should have told them BEFORE going into their house... I am too chicken to call... BUt can you see ANY wrongdoing on our part from their point of view? Would you be mad friends of yours walked around your home without your permission?


Thanks so much for reading this and polling!!!

Message edited 2/12/2006 5:42:04 PM.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

I dont think you did anything wrong

I just believe money matters often come between friends and family too much- people often put the $ ahead of people that matter

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Thanks so much for your responses. I really appreciate all the honesty. I hope I wasn't a bad friends. My intentions were good, I just think we should have been upfront before... Not sure they see it this way...

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

A good realtor would tell them that they should continue to show until they are in a fully executed contract. We continued to show ours and good thing too because the first couple were really flaky (my MIL taught them and warned us) and the contracts came back unsigned.

While they may have felt uncomfortable selling to you guys, in this very slow housing market I think they made an unwise decision to not continue to show the house.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

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Posted by David'sbride

A good realtor would tell them that they should continue to show until they are in a fully executed contract. We continued to show ours and good thing too because the first couple were really flaky (my MIL taught them and warned us) and the contracts came back unsigned.

While they may have felt uncomfortable selling to you guys, in this very slow housing market I think they made an unwise decision to not continue to show the house.

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Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Thanks. I am not sure I would have been mad but might have been like ***? The thing is it was all so innocent and we got caught up in the moment of such a nice house..... I don't know. I just hope I didnt jeopardize our friendship with them.

Thanks everyone!!! Your honest opinions really matter. Positive and Negative.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

From family experience, I would never get involved with ANY family or friends regarding real estate or any other type of money related issue. I don't think you did anything wrong, but those types of situations can get sticky. Our latest family get together ended with a big family blow out over a real estate deal. Now some relatives have vowed to keep other relatives out of their lives forever! They totally overreacted, but still.....

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

I guess I am in the minority here but i think you guys handled it wrong. You should have spoke with them first before going to the broker. JMHO


If I were you I would call them and clear the air.
Good Luck!

Message edited 2/12/2006 9:01:42 PM.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Call me crazy, but why is it wrong of you to go see their house if it's in the market? You didn't break in the house, you went to see as prospective buyers. You did nothing wrong. I really hope your friendship isn't ruined by this, it seems silly. If anything you tried to keep it all "business" by going through their broker.

The right house is out there for you and your DH!

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

my only thought about why they are being shady about selling you the house is because they will feel guilty if its not everything you wanted where as a stranger come and buys the house and they have nothing to worry about. ie- no one calling them randomly and saying oh- the furnace broke and we had to spend $$ to fix it. you know what i mean? about being mad they shouldnt be because their house is for sale, but i would have called them and made sure they knew we were looking. but i say call them they shouldnt be mad.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

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Posted by David'sbride

A good realtor would tell them that they should continue to show until they are in a fully executed contract. We continued to show ours and good thing too because the first couple were really flaky (my MIL taught them and warned us) and the contracts came back unsigned.

While they may have felt uncomfortable selling to you guys, in this very slow housing market I think they made an unwise decision to not continue to show the house.

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Message edited 2/12/2006 10:50:39 PM.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

DH and I are probably going to put our condo on the market soon. Being honest here: If one of our friends made an appointment, I'd be mad as hell.
IMO, if they are interested in buying my condo, they should talk to me and DH.

I wouldn't be surprised if what their RE agent told you is untrue. They probably don't want to deal with their friends as "buyers"

Message edited 2/13/2006 9:25:29 AM.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

While I don't think you did anything wrong, I agree with Suven, that your friend's realtor might have told you that the home is off of the market. I think the fact she told you they got a bid above asking seems strange. Most of the time people bid above asking in either a seller's market or in a bidding war. I could see them bid asking, but I think most people offer a little less than asking for negotiating purposes.

I would not be upset if friends of oursbid on our home if it were on the market, because I would want my home to go to a good family. But at the same time, I think the sale of something so big could potentially ruin a friendship if something were to go wrong with the house, or to break.

I think your friends might have wanted a heads up that you were going to look at their home. I would call them to clear the air.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Thanks for your opinions... As much as I hate hearing the negative ones, I really appreciate the honesty... It saddens me because it was done with really the best of intentions. We were so excited about the house.... But I can see your point. Ugh, I hate when I am the one that does something wrong....

It is one of those things like "Hindsight is 20/20"

Message edited 2/13/2006 11:51:30 AM.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Well.....I probably would have called first to express my interest. But if it were me on the seller's end, I'd get over it quickly and entertain your interest.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

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Posted by lanabean

Well.....I probably would have called first to express my interest. But if it were me on the seller's end, I'd get over it quickly and entertain your interest.

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Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

I would be a little upset about it. I would just think it was strange that a friend wouldn't talk to me first.

Had you gone straight to them, it would have been beneficial for them to sell directly to you. They would not have to pay a commission to the agent.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

I wouldn't be mad- I would just wonder why you didn't call me first-

but I understand how these ideas take shape and then you wanted to go see the house

personally I wouldn't want to sell to a freind- I don't believe in mixing freinds, money or business deals

I have has bad experinces in the past

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Thanks to all!!- I think we will give them a call tomorrow to "clear the air". I still feel a little bad today... I am sure I am overreacting... Again, Thanks for all of your opinions.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

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Posted by expectingjoy

Ugh, I hate when I am the one that does something wrong....

It is one of those things like "Hindsight is 20/20"

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Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Maybe they just didn't want to be held responsible if something should go wrong. And instead of making it professional and kept it personal, they didn't want their house to potentially ruin the friendship you have built. Not that it would have but they just wanted to be on the safe side?

Personally speaking, I wouldn't want to sell my house to a friend no matter how close they were to us.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

If I was moving because I couldn't pay my mortgage and had to move to a less expensive area, I might be mad. But if I was just moving I wouldn't mind.

Besides, I don't like dealing with money and friends. Too weird.

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

It's on the market, so of course you could see it, but I"m really unclear on why you wouldn't just ask them if they were ok with it first. I would be very weirded out knowing that my friends were in my house without me. I guess I'd be totally mystified as to why they wouldn't just call me to come over to my house. I guess it also depends on how close you all are. I think you're all better off. This could have caused a lot of problems that you may not expect in the friendship.

Just give them a call now! Let them know that you didn't mean to make things weird, wish them the best on the deal and make some plans to do something fun all together

Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

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Posted by expectingjoy

Thanks to all!!- I think we will give them a call tomorrow to "clear the air". I still feel a little bad today... I am sure I am overreacting... Again, Thanks for all of your opinions.

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Re: Would you be mad at us? Please let me know... Long!!!

Thanks so much for thinking of me and the situation.!!! I really appreciate it!

So, DH made the call to "Steve" today and I am going to hear more on what happened when he gets home. All DH could tell me from his office was that "they weren't mad/upset at all". My DH kissed his a&& a little and apologized profusely for if we had in any way overstepped our bounds. DH said first round of drinks on Friday night is on us!!! I think it is all cool! Thank G-d.... I REALLY liked these people! Did not feel like losing them as friends over this!