missgwife
One year and counting
Member since 8/05 3028 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/3/2006 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Fleur De Lis of Ridgewood
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NWR - JOKES - Six Classic Affairs
Six Classic Affairs
>
> The 1st Affair
>
> A married man was having an affair with his
> secretary.
> One day they went to her place and made love all
> afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
> The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take
> his shoes
> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an
> affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:"You lying
> *******!
> You've been playing golf!"
>
> The 2nd Affair
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
> always talked about having a son. They decided to
> try one last time for the son they always wanted.
> The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby
> boy.
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his
> new son.
> He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
> seen.
> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
> father of this baby.
> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
> Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
> "Not this time!"
>
> The 3rd Affair
>
> A mortician was working late one night.
> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be
> cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz
> had the largest private part he had ever seen!
> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
> "I can't allow you to be cremated
> with such an impressive private part. It must be
> saved for posterity."
> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,
> and took it home.
> "I have something to show you won't believe" he said
> to his wife,opening his briefcase.
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
>
> The 4th Affair
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
> husband
> opening the front door.
> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him
> with talcum powder.
> "Don't move until I tell you,"she said, " pretend
> you're a statue."
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered
> the room.
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought
> one and
> I liked it so I got one for us, too."
> No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
> Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen
> and
> returned with a sandwich and a beer.
> "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood
> like that for two days at the Smiths
> and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>
> The 5th Affair
>
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and
> ordered a beer.
> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
> He glanced at the menu and asked:
> "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of
> wine?"
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
> "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
> The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your
> wife?"
> The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to
> his business down here."
>
> The 6th Affair
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
> He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I
> must confess."
> "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.
> I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best
> friend, and your mother!"
> "I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the
> poison work."
>
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