is it just cold feet?

Hey guys, Is it normal to get these doubts b4 the wedding, I am, noticing all these annoying things that FH is doing lately, and I sit and think" great this is gonna happen for the rest of my life", dont get me wrong most of time its great, we have our differences but they are livable differences.

but sometimes, things happen that make me think, do I know this fool, why would he do this, or why does he think this way?? I feel sometimes like" damn, I think I could better", especially when he doesnt groom himself, and acts like a disgusting pig.

I dont know, I love him, we've been together for like 8 years, I guess we are just so comfortable now that we (more him) feels like he doesnt have to dress up for me when we go out, or put cologne on anymore, or tell me "you look beautiful" as much...when we first started going out, there was so much PASSION,now I feel like there is love, but no passion,, but is that something you can get back, or is that normal after being with a guy for so long.

Re: is it just cold feet?

Well, yes and no. If you are calling him a disgusting pig, thats a problem. We have been together for 2.5 years, and even though he does things that make me think - will I spend my life with this? I also look at him and see all the things that still turn me on to him...

But I could never think insulting things about him - just general annoyance. I make a point of talking to him when something bothers me so it doesnt slip under the radar and turn into resentment.

Tell him you want him to dress up a bit - tell him you are afraid of falling into the marriage rut...

I tell him all the time when I fear something will go in the wrong direction - he has been very receptive to it...

Re: is it just cold feet?

Wow, that's a loaded question.

Sure you want to marry him, and sure he has his faults....and he probably thinks the same about you. You need to try to do things to keep the newness alive. Shake things up a bit, go to new places.....get a little frisky.....whatever level keeps you comfortable yet makes it new and exciting. DH and I are in such a comfortable pattern, we need to shake things up ourselves....

Don't have cold feet, it's totally normal......boys are weird.

Re: is it just cold feet?

yeah, in the beggining it was soooo great, he used to bring me little presents for all out dates, nothing too exciting but soo romantic like a flower, card, a latte (luv coffee), he used to be very intune, now I feel like he is in a rut, and hes taking me with him,

oh haha the pig comment, I call him that a lot, he used to have a pet pig (ever heard such thing) and it kinda came out of that...

I really would like him to dress up more, I know we've known each other for a while but I always do that for him, I make sure to get my hair done, to get my legs and eyebrows waxed, he has also gained 25lbs this year, I love him and would never ask him to lose it for me, but his BP is also high, so i told him for his health to lose some weight, and he got offended, so I dont want to tell him to dress up and exercise, i dont want to hurt his feelings, How do I say it, in a way that shows him I am doing it for him and for us.

also he never tells me to lose weight or do anything, so i feel like i do not have a right to tell him, even though I feel like it bothers me...

Re: is it just cold feet?

What I have learned is no, FH is not perfect, and yes he drives me up the wall sometimes with his annoying habits...but the GOOD in him is so much BIGGER then the bad. The thing you have to figure out is, do you love him enough to live with these flaws? I guess thats what love is, loving the good and the bad :) Good Luck

Re: is it just cold feet?

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Posted by curliegirl

Wow, that's a loaded question.

Sure you want to marry him, and sure he has his faults....and he probably thinks the same about you. You need to try to do things to keep the newness alive. Shake things up a bit, go to new places.....get a little frisky.....whatever level keeps you comfortable yet makes it new and exciting. DH and I are in such a comfortable pattern, we need to shake things up ourselves....

Don't have cold feet, it's totally normal......boys are weird.[/QUOT
I'm with Gina on this one. That was a big question.

Re: is it just cold feet?

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Posted by newhere

yeah, in the beggining it was soooo great, he used to bring me little presents for all out dates, nothing too exciting but soo romantic like a flower, card, a latte (luv coffee), he used to be very intune, now I feel like he is in a rut, and hes taking me with him,

oh haha the pig comment, I call him that a lot, he used to have a pet pig (ever heard such thing) and it kinda came out of that...

I really would like him to dress up more, I know we've known each other for a while but I always do that for him, I make sure to get my hair done, to get my legs and eyebrows waxed, he has also gained 25lbs this year, I love him and would never ask him to lose it for me, but his BP is also high, so i told him for his health to lose some weight, and he got offended, so I dont want to tell him to dress up and exercise, i dont want to hurt his feelings, How do I say it, in a way that shows him I am doing it for him and for us.

also he never tells me to lose weight or do anything, so i feel like i do not have a right to tell him, even though I feel like it bothers me...

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Message edited 1/18/2006 6:12:46 PM.

Re: is it just cold feet?

I agree, start with yourself and he will likely follow. I do little things for DH, like putting his towel in the dryer while he's in the shower so he has a nice warm towel when he's done, bring him tea when he's sick.

The other day DH had the bed turned down with my pajamas out for me when I got home from a long day. He was out with his friends, so I knew he was thinking about me before he left...

Things like that remind me why I love him so much, even though I was cursing him for leaving all his other crap out. He knows the bedroom is my sanctuary, so he changed the sheets too.....

Message edited 1/18/2006 6:22:16 PM.

Re: is it just cold feet?

I've been with FH for 6 years. Of course your passion dyes down after a while, but I still love him more each day, even though we aren't as "passionate" and all over eachother, we have become the best of friends. I couldn't imagine not being with him. In life you have to compromise. For us, it seems we have to compromise sex for friendship. Not so bad in my opinion. But, if you are actually doubting your relationship, not wanting to spend the rest of your life with him, then that's a problem. Everyone has annoying habits that you learn to live with, but if you are falling out of love with him, then you may need to start thinking about things. As for the weight issue, you should be able to express your feelings to him-he is your future husband after all. Just be honest with him and he will understand.

Message edited 1/18/2006 6:32:18 PM.

Re: is it just cold feet?

I know what you mean. I've been with my FH for 7 years and i don't have an easy answer for you. My FH and i get along really really well. Sure i get annoyed with him leaving clutter around the apartment (he does have a bedroom to put that crap in) and when he throws the wet towel on the bed after his shower. As for the pig comment... don't worry about that. No need to explain that comment. Anyone who says they've never thought badly about their FH or DH is lying.

Are you comfortable with each other after 8 years... of course! He'll burp all the time, fart, or even leave the bathroom door open when he's going to the bathroom (at least mine will). To get this comfortable with someone is inevitable. And i like you are annoyed when my FH doesn't spoil me like he used to (bring me flowers for NO reason, leave me cute notes, etc) because sometimes you wonder if you're in this rut where you can't get out. But this is something that you need to bring up to your FH. He may not understand it and he doesn't have to. But if he's smart, he'll get the idea and every so often... he'll do something sweet to remind you of how it used to be.

I think you really need to sit down and talk with you FH about these feelings. Maybe you could ask your FH to go on a diet with you for the wedding because 'you' really need the help. Buy him a new shirt and the next time you go out to dinner... ask him to wear it. That you thought of him when you got it and you'd love to see him in it. Tell him what would make it even better would be if he wore his cologne for you because it turns you on and maybe he'd get lucky at the end of the night.

I don't know. There's no easy answer to this. It is work and it takes a bit of creativity. But just talk to him. Maybe there is something you do that annoys him or that he wishes you still did. Good luck! I hope i helped at all!

Re: is it just cold feet?

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Posted by Jackie&Justin

I've been with FH for 6 years. Of course your passion dyes down after a while, but I still love him more each day, even though we aren't as "passionate" and all over eachother, we have become the best of friends. I couldn't imagine not being with him. In life you have to compromise. For us, it seems we have to compromise sex for friendship. Not so bad in my opinion. But, if you are actually doubting your relationship, not wanting to spend the rest of your life with him, then that's a problem. Everyone has annoying habits that you learn to live with, but if you are falling out of love with him, then you may need to start thinking about things. As for the weight issue, you should be able to express your feelings to him-he is your future husband after all. Just be honest with him and he will understand.

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Re: is it just cold feet?

I guess it's safe to say i'm kinda in the same boat. FH and I have been together for 9 1/2 years and sometimes I look at him and get really worried because the passion is not what it used to be. The first few years, we had sex almost daily. Now it's like once a week if we have enough energy. But we definitely still have the tenderness, we still hug and kiss and even hold hands when we're sleeping. I don't think it's cold feet so much as it is just plain old worry. I'm definitely not scared to spend my life with him. Because I never want to be in love with anyone but him. And if you feel like this too, then you'll be just fine.

Re: is it just cold feet?

thanks ladies, as always great advice and plenty to talk about....

Re: is it just cold feet?

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Posted by alnem

I guess it's safe to say i'm kinda in the same boat. FH and I have been together for 9 1/2 years and sometimes I look at him and get really worried because the passion is not what it used to be. The first few years, we had sex almost daily. Now it's like once a week if we have enough energy. But we definitely still have the tenderness, we still hug and kiss and even hold hands when we're sleeping. I don't think it's cold feet so much as it is just plain old worry. I'm definitely not scared to spend my life with him. Because I never want to be in love with anyone but him. And if you feel like this too, then you'll be just fine.

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Re: is it just cold feet?

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by alnem

I guess it's safe to say i'm kinda in the same boat. FH and I have been together for 9 1/2 years and sometimes I look at him and get really worried because the passion is not what it used to be. The first few years, we had sex almost daily. Now it's like once a week if we have enough energy. But we definitely still have the tenderness, we still hug and kiss and even hold hands when we're sleeping. I don't think it's cold feet so much as it is just plain old worry. I'm definitely not scared to spend my life with him. Because I never want to be in love with anyone but him. And if you feel like this too, then you'll be just fine.

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once a week? that is definitely above average... just FYI!

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Re: is it just cold feet?

Cold feet or too relaxed?
I've had open discussions w/ hubby and he and I have an understanding. I once explained to him that a stranger on the street will never receive better treatment than I give to him.

Example: A stranger stops you on the street for directions. You stop, put on your best voice, smile and are helpful.
Yet, when dealing with your 'loved' one, you can be short tempered and quick to judge.

I decided years ago that I would always give my best to my loved ones (better than I would to a stranger). When I met hubby (early in the dating stage when you talk for hours), I let him know my sincere feelings on this topic. Perhaps I am truly fortunate, he has always kept this in his thoughts. If either of us slip, we just remind ourselves of this - get past the hump in the road - and get back to the business of being partners against the world.

Remember...he can't read your mind. Even if you believe he should know how you feel 8 years later...talking is something that should never go out of style.

True, I am newly married and have only hope behind me...but this philosophy has been with me for years and I finally found the man that agreed with it. Tackle all issues because negative thoughts send out negative energy.

ok..ok...I'm stepping off the soap box.

Re: is it just cold feet?

I've learned that it takes two people to ensure that the passion doesn't die out. If you want more romance, what can you do for FH to show him that is what you want. Sometimes you have to be over the top to get the attention of men.