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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Is there anything that can be done to have your marriage recognized by the Catholic Church after you’re already married?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:05 PM 
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Summer05
We're Married!!!!
Member since 5/04 3789 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/21/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Watermill
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
I *think* that you would have to be remarried in a catholic ceremony, but I am not sure about that.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:07 PM
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carlsbride
Mommy-to-be!!!
Member since 8/05 1594 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/11/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor 10+++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:07 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:09 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
I have to think yes.  Even though I'm not Catholic and DH received a dispensation in order for us to marry in a Catholic Church and have a Catholic ceremony, I had to promise to raise our kids Catholic.
I found this for you...
Marriage Preparation:
Convalidation
This program is designed for those couples who are married civilly and now wish to marry in the Church. Some couples, because of differences in religious background or a sense of distance from the Church at the time of their marriage, or because of complicating family situations, were married civilly or in some other manner that did not meet the Catholic Church's legal requirements for a valid church marriage. It is the Church's intention to provide couples with a sufficient understanding of Catholic Christian marriage to enable them to enter into marriage with integrity and knowledge.
Very rudimentary search, but I also found this:
http://www.vermontparishes.org/marriagequestions/html/AnswersPage6.html
Message edited 1/18/2006 2:15:36 PM.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:14 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by SomethingBlu
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
I have to think yes. Even though I'm not Catholic and DH received a dispensation in order for us to marry in a Catholic Church and have a Catholic ceremony, I had to promise to raise our kids Catholic.
I found this for you...
Marriage Preparation:
Convalidation
This program is designed for those couples who are married civilly and now wish to marry in the Church. Some couples, because of differences in religious background or a sense of distance from the Church at the time of their marriage, or because of complicating family situations, were married civilly or in some other manner that did not meet the Catholic Church's legal requirements for a valid church marriage. It is the Church's intention to provide couples with a sufficient understanding of Catholic Christian marriage to enable them to enter into marriage with integrity and knowledge.
Very rudimentary search, but I also found this:
http://www.vermontparishes.org/marriagequestions/html/AnswersPage6.html
thanks sweetie
so I guess this means we would have to make that promise 
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Posted 1/18/06 2:17 PM
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carlsbride
Mommy-to-be!!!
Member since 8/05 1594 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/11/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor 10+++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:17 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by carlsbride
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.
Dina, check, because I am NOT Catholic and I still had to make that promise.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:18 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by carlsbride
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.
hmm! very interesting! thanks
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Posted 1/18/06 2:20 PM
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Mayflower
Closer and closer...
Member since 9/05 1061 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by SomethingBlu
Posted by carlsbride
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.
Dina, check, because I am NOT Catholic and I still had to make that promise.
I'm not Catholic and the paper I signed didn't have that promise. HE had to promise to do everything in his power to raise the kids Catholic. The section I signed said I was aware he would want and try to raise this kids Catholic, but I never had to promise that I would personally raise my kids Catholic. I was very careful to doublecheck...
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Posted 1/18/06 2:22 PM
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Summer05
We're Married!!!!
Member since 5/04 3789 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/21/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Watermill
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
When we got married DH (not catholic) had to promise to allow our children to be raised catholic.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:23 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by Mayflower
Posted by SomethingBlu
Posted by carlsbride
Posted by dleeny
Posted by carlsbride
Yes-it is called a convalidation.
can you please let me know in "layman’s" terms what that means?
do we have to promise to raise our kids Catholic?
The non-Catholic spouse does not have to promise to have the children raised Catholic. The Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.
Dina, check, because I am NOT Catholic and I still had to make that promise.
I'm not Catholic and the paper I signed didn't have that promise. HE had to promise to do everything in his power to raise the kids Catholic. The section I signed said I was aware he would want and try to raise this kids Catholic, but I never had to promise that I would personally raise my kids Catholic. I was very careful to doublecheck...
The promise was made at Church, duing the ceremony, as part of my vows. I actually listened to them. 
ETA: But I just cheked and found this:
In a mixed marriage, what must the Catholic promise?
The Catholic must sign promises:
To remain a Catholic.
To see to it that the children are baptized and are brought up as Catholics.
Also, the Catholic party must inform the non-Catholic of these promises.
So by "informing" me, I become aware and take on the responsibility since we are now "one".
Message edited 1/18/2006 2:24:29 PM.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:23 PM
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103005FallBride
I married the love of my life
Member since 2/05 7248 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/30/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor A++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Here's one for you all...
Both Catholic
One previously married now divorced
Annulment
Civil ceremony
Annulment
Annulment
Annulment
Eventually this annulment will happen
and well...back in the day we strongly wanted our marriage recognized by our church, but  later and later...
Anyway...I guess what I'm asking is...
What's our next step?
Another ceremony? (3x a charm ya know!)
Another couple grand?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:27 PM
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Mayflower
Closer and closer...
Member since 9/05 1061 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by SomethingBlu
The promise was made at Church, duing the ceremony, as part of my vows. I actually listened to them.
ETA: But I just cheked and found this:
In a mixed marriage, what must the Catholic promise?
The Catholic must sign promises:
To remain a Catholic.
To see to it that the children are baptized and are brought up as Catholics.
Also, the Catholic party must inform the non-Catholic of these promises.
So by "informing" me, I become aware and take on the responsibility since we are now "one".
 so they spring the promise on you at the last minute when you can't back out?
I'd take it as you were "informed" and you're "aware" (which I'm fine with) but does that really mean YOU must do everything in your power to raise your kids Catholic as well?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:29 PM
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carlsbride
Mommy-to-be!!!
Member since 8/05 1594 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/11/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor 10+++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by 103005FallBride
Here's one for you all...
Both Catholic
One previously married now divorced
Annulment
Civil ceremony
Annulment
Annulment
Annulment
Eventually this annulment will happen
and well...back in the day we strongly wanted our marriage recognized by our church, but later and later...
Anyway...I guess what I'm asking is...
What's our next step?
Another ceremony? (3x a charm ya know!)
Another couple grand?
I don't understand what all the above means. You should go talk to your priest.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:30 PM
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tracy2246
Invites out
Member since 3/05 1598 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/3/2006 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
were you both married to catholics???
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Posted 1/18/06 2:30 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by Mayflower
so they spring the promise on you at the last minute when you can't back out?
I'd take it as you were "informed" and you're "aware" (which I'm fine with) but does that really mean YOU must do everything in your power to raise your kids Catholic as well?
Basically...they get you in an "I DO" mode and you just keep going...
I think if you're aware and informed and your spouse, which is now your unit, must do everything...you sort of have to as well. I never gave it much thought because although I'm not baptized anything, I'm not against Catholic baptism for my future babies...it's important to Dh so that was that.
Lori - I have no idea but just wanted to give you some...
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Posted 1/18/06 2:32 PM
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103005FallBride
I married the love of my life
Member since 2/05 7248 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/30/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor A++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by carlsbride
I don't understand what all the above means. You should go talk to your priest.
The man was married previously.
I was not. He divorced.
After 2 years the annulment is still in the works. hence
We would like it to be recognized by the church...
What is our next step?
Yes..we're both Catholic.
Means is DAMN expensive..and I was wondering if there is anymore money that the Church would like us to shell out to have it be recognized by them.
God recognizes it no matter where it is...why does the church have to be so rediculous?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:35 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by SomethingBlu
ETA: But I just cheked and found this:
In a mixed marriage, what must the Catholic promise?
The Catholic must sign promises:
To remain a Catholic.
To see to it that the children are baptized and are brought up as Catholics.
Also, the Catholic party must inform the non-Catholic of these promises.
So by "informing" me, I become aware and take on the responsibility since we are now "one".
I wonder if there is a loophole here. I don't mean to sound disrespectful…. But if my DH promises to raise our kids Catholic, that’s not really a lie b/c we plan on raising them with both religions.
Do you think that would be ok?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:38 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by 103005FallBride
Means is DAMN expensive..and I was wondering if there is anymore money that the Church would like us to shell out to have it be recognized by them.
God recognizes it no matter where it is...why does the church have to be so rediculous?
that's what I thought too! it sounded to us like they were just looking for $$ and not really all that concerned about anything else.
IMO, for them to ask for $2,500 to recognize our marriage takes the meaning of God out of it, you know?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:42 PM
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smara
Member since 12/05 3169 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/26/2006 1:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by dleeny
Posted by 103005FallBride
Means is DAMN expensive..and I was wondering if there is anymore money that the Church would like us to shell out to have it be recognized by them.
God recognizes it no matter where it is...why does the church have to be so rediculous?
that's what I thought too! it sounded to us like they were just looking for $$ and not really all that concerned about anything else.
IMO, for them to ask for $2,500 to recognize our marriage takes the meaning of God out of it, you know?
What church is asking for 2500? I never heard of that?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:43 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by dleeny
I wonder if there is a loophole here. I don't mean to sound disrespectful…. But if my DH promises to raise our kids Catholic, that’s not really a lie b/c we plan on raising them with both religions.
Do you think that would be ok?
I think it's a personal choice. Will you prevent him from doing so or is that the plan anyway? Do you have a priest that you feel comfortable talking to?
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Posted 1/18/06 2:44 PM
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carlsbride
Mommy-to-be!!!
Member since 8/05 1594 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/11/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor 10+++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by 103005FallBride
Posted by carlsbride
I don't understand what all the above means. You should go talk to your priest.
The man was married previously.
I was not. He divorced.
After 2 years the annulment is still in the works. hence
We would like it to be recognized by the church...
What is our next step?
Yes..we're both Catholic.
Means is DAMN expensive..and I was wondering if there is anymore money that the Church would like us to shell out to have it be recognized by them.
God recognizes it no matter where it is...why does the church have to be so rediculous?
I guess you just have to wait on the tribunal to come to it's conclusion. If they grant the annulment you can have the marriage convalidated.
Yes, lawyers are expensive. Considering Canon lawyers spend even more time in law school, I guess they deserve to be paid for their work also.
If you are Catholic and want to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony-there are certain steps that have to be followed. For people who believe in this faith-the rules aren't so ridiculous.
Good luck I hope it works out.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:46 PM
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carlsbride
Mommy-to-be!!!
Member since 8/05 1594 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/11/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor 10+++
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by dleeny
Posted by SomethingBlu
I wonder if there is a loophole here. I don't mean to sound disrespectful…. But if my DH promises to raise our kids Catholic, that’s not really a lie b/c we plan on raising them with both religions.
Do you think that would be ok?
It is not a loophole - my sister is raising my nephew and niece Catholic. My BIL celebrates all of the Jewish holidays and teaches them about his faith-along with his parents. I wouldn't consider that doing anything wrong or lying. It works out well for them.
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Posted 1/18/06 2:49 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Spinoff to Pre-Cana post
Posted by smara
Posted by dleeny
Posted by 103005FallBride
Means is DAMN expensive..and I was wondering if there is anymore money that the Church would like us to shell out to have it be recognized by them.
God recognizes it no matter where it is...why does the church have to be so rediculous?
that's what I thought too! it sounded to us like they were just looking for $$ and not really all that concerned about anything else.
IMO, for them to ask for $2,500 to recognize our marriage takes the meaning of God out of it, you know?
What church is asking for 2500? I never heard of that?
It wasn’t a specific church. While we researched the option, that number came up as a suggested donation.
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Posted 1/18/06 3:02 PM
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