Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I've asked FH's opinion about my ideas for:

The overall color scheme (BM dresses & flowers) & The style place cards & menus I want to make (I had pictures of what I want to copy.)

And he said something like "Hum, ok" and I asked if he liked the colors/ideas...and he's like "Yeah, its OK"

Me: "Do you have something else in mind?"
Him: "Um, NO"
Me: "A different color, an idea, anything?"
Him: "no, I have no idea"
Me: "then what is it about what I showed you that you weren't crazy about?"
Him: "I liked what you showed me, I don't have anything to compare it to"

??? How am I supposed to plan the biggest day of our lives when I get these kinds of answers? Am I supposed to show him options? It's REALLY hard and time consuming to find what I like...so to have to search for more colors/ideas to his liking would drive me nuts!!! Granted, he would let me decide on everything but I don't want to pick out stuff or decide on things that hes not crazy about!! Can anyone else relate??

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Message edited 5/29/2006 9:32:46 AM.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Umm yeah...my DH didn't help with anything except the choice of the hall. I chose everything. It's a guy thing, they have no clue because they really aren't that detail oriented. Don't sweat it. DH wasn't super excited about our flowers, but he wound up loving them when he saw them in the room.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Don't feel bad.

Prior to getting engaged, I watched 2 very good male friends start groaning whenever their fiances started going on and on about wedding details.

My FH gives very little input and often seems like he doesn't "care". He does care, just not about bridesmaid dresses, flower arrangements, etc.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

as I've learned while planning my own wedding, it's better for them to not be too into details! It's not that my DH didn't care, he just wasn't interested in the details.

a friend of mine's DH is HIGHLY opinionated and drover her to drink while they were planning their wedding

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

My FI could pretty much care less about the colors, decor, flowers, his tux, etc. He does care when it comes to music, photos, where it is, what food is served.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

With colors they are just going to give youa simple yes it looks good or no what the hell were you thinking.

My FH said yes to every color I picked... I was having such a hard time picking out my color scheme in the beginning. FH was no help, I went to my MOH for the final approval!!

He will put his two sense with Limos, food and music. I actually go tmy FH interested in doing a photocube.. dont ask me how!!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I guess I'm lucky here. My FI helped with all the choices and we made decisions together.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

i would show him several things you have in mind and not just one. DW has good taste (she did pick me after all) so, maybe he is going with his gut... alot of smaller things, include him in it. After, it both of your days and not just "The Brides Day"

this will make planning the wedding better as he will have a say in what goes on.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Honestly, if I were you I would be soooo happy! Its so much easier to plan a wedding when its just you IMO! You get what you want!

My DH said do whatever you want, I want to be surprised, and he was! On our wedding day he said, "WOW I cant believe you put this together by yourself! Everything is perfect!" It made me feel so good! I couldnt have done it without LIW, but it was so much better without IRL people meddling IMO

Besides, some guys arent into planning, I wasnt either sometimes, just know that he loves you and thats whats important

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

He is definitely in the majority of guys that don't really care about BM dresses, flowers, etc... My FH only cared about helping with the CH and the band since he is a musician and actually I am kind of glad because it lets me choose what I like and I can be creative without always going to him on everything.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Some guys chime in on the color scheme when they realize it may be the color of the vest or cumberbund they are wearing. Obviously you can stick with black & white, but I know some brides want their FH to wear a tux vest matching the girl's dresses - my husband would not have been happy in a "girly" colored vests. Some guys are great about it and don't mind at all.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

my FH doesnt really give input on things like that really. you have to ask him stuff that would interest him like food, cake flavours, photo, prices.

for colours i picked out a colour that i knew he liked, b/c i am not really a colour person, i love black. he was helpful with that.

sit down with him and find out what he is interested in helping you plan, and give him some jobs (i.e. thinking about the cake flavours, dinner choices, honeymoon etc.). you have to give them stuff to do!

good luck and a lot of guys are like that!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Yea, they have nothing to compare it to because they didn't bother going to more than 1 vendor.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I think most guys answer questions like that.LOL I know my FH did

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

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Posted by DKURIN1017

??? How am I supposed to plan the biggest day of our lives when I get these kinds of answers? Am I supposed to show him options? It's REALLY hard and time consuming to find what I like...so to have to search for more colors/ideas to his liking would drive me nuts!!! Granted, he would let me decide on everything but I don't want to pick out stuff or decide on things that hes not crazy about!! Can anyone else relate??

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Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

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Posted by BHW

I wouldn't worry about it. If he doesn't care, then pick something you like. Most guys don't care about the color scheme. If you really want his opinion, you can always pick two colors you like and ask him which one he likes better.

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Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I couldnt agree more SuzBride.

"Whatever you want" is a popular saying at home these days.

I often hear "do you ever stop talking about the wedding"

Men dont seem to understand 2 things.
1) We have spent 10 yrs of our life fantasizing about this day we want it perfect.

2) There are a lot of details that need to have decisions made.

LADIES- Its up to us!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I always place choices in front of him. So for example I was going to go with a apple green and brown color scheme OR a pink and brown color scheme. I asked him which one he thought looked better and he chose the pink and brown after I told him my ideas for each. I have picked everything and then run it by him so he feels involved. It has gotten alot better and now he is really thinking about what he likes!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Mine is the same way. I got really upset about it for the first month after our engagement. It created a lot of fighting between us. I felt like he really didn't want to marry me because I didn't think he was excited at all. You have to realize that all of the detailed planning such as colors, flowers are more important for the brides. After a month of fighting and then finally a nice long talk my f is more involved because he realizes I need that but in return I'm not a bridezilla hounding him about every last detail such as what shade of pink to use. For the more detailed aspects I save that as a special time to share with my mother and sister.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I wouldn't worry about it. As long as he is not saying "hell no" or flat out "I don't like it", he is more than likely ok with it. I have come to realize that the only time my FH will really say anything other than "I don't care, or I don't know" is when he really, really doesn't like something. It sounds like you are doing good so far!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

Oh honey, the LAST thing you want on your hands is an FH who has a say in planning! All I kept my husband informed about what how much money we were spending. I can't even tell you what some of my friends went through with their FHs who had their own "vision" of their day. A man's opinion is great, but not on all things wedding related!
I gave my hubby two jobs, one was to pick a videographer because he's in film and tv, and the other was to pick tuxes. That was it. Other than that, I decided early on I didn't WANT his opinion!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

In general, I think most guys are not that obsessed with the planning as we ladies are. It doesn't mean they don't care. We are crazy about planning because most of us have been dreaming of this day since we're little girls. Our guys have not been thinking of this day until they knew they wanted to propose. They never sat down with their Barbies & wondered what kind of dress their bride would be wearing, what colors the Bridesmaids would wear, what theme would be used, what song they would dance their first dance to. How many little boys are sitting around with their little friends wondering what color flower will be on their butonneire(SP??). Probably NONE! They just don't care about the frilly side of it. At least for my FH, he cares about the food, the honeymoon, and the sexy lingerie I'll be getting at the shower. And I love the little stinker for it!

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

I'm in the same boat with Sweets14...I haven't even been engaged a month yet and already FH and I have had more fights than I can handle. At first I thought it was only my guy but after reading these posts I feel a lot better. We can't help it if the men in our lives don't care about themes, flowers, dresses, photography etc. My FH loved picking the hall, honeymoon spot and DJ and that's it...maybe limos and tuxes will spark his attention later on but for now I've learned my lesson. That's why we have moms, MOH's and Bridesmaids in our lives ladies...to help us with all the girlie stuff that our FH's don't wanna be bothered with.

Re: Help! Does FH get a say? (long)

There are a bunch of brides that will tell you that you're lucky he's not overly involved. My FH keeps saying it's his wedding too. Except for flowers he went to every single vendor appointment I made. As for flowers, when I was down to what I believed would be my choice and was going to look at the sample I brought him along. Granted, we had a huge fight right there in front of the florist, but during said fight he kept saying how beautiful the CP was and couldn't understand how I could find anything wrong with it. The only other thing he didn't fully participate in was hall selection, but that was because he worked weekends at the time I was looking. He went to all my top choices though, and we decided together.