Re: bachelor party???

STB- Well said!!!!
As I am a counseling students, this is what I say to myself and anyone else that feels "guilty" and "untrusting" for not wanting their FH to have a bachelor party..
"My self-worth is more valuable that a bachelor party" Woman have to remember that they are worthy of being treated with respect. If they feel uncomfortable about something, do not supress it. We are worth more than this.

Message edited 1/13/2006 11:39:17 AM.

Re: bachelor party???

FH went to a bachelor party for a friend last year and I thought I would be able to be the "cool" girlfriend but the whole thing ended up making me really unhappy and rather pissed off that this behavior is condoned. Anyway, before he left that night he promised me that he would not get any lap dances and he didn't, which made me very happy.

I have been to strip clubs with some of my male friends and I have seen how those girls are, its gross...

Anyway, FH doesn't like the idea of male strippers for me, so he and i are rather even on the subject matter, thankfully.

We decided on a joint bachelor/bachelorette party and are planning a weekend up state to the Finger Lakes for wine tours. :) :)

Re: bachelor party???

Both FH and myself do not like strippers. Luckily for me, he wants to drink beer and play video games for his bachelor party.
I do not see the necessity for men or WOMEN to go strippers because they are getting married. IMO its a stupid tradition and is really quite disgusting. You are about to commit to another person yet are going to go see naked people acting seductively. I don't understand the appeal.

Re: bachelor party???

Honestly, it's all about trust...if you trust the person your with than there is no reason why you should have to worry.

Re: bachelor party???

That just seems silly, I trust my FH, but just because I know nothing will really happen does not mean the idea of some scantly dressed person throwing herself at him for money is a pleasant thought.

Message edited 1/13/2006 12:26:17 PM.

Re: bachelor party???

I am not a fan of the stripper's (I mean who is), but I do think that you have to trust your FH! It was said before but I will say it again because I say this all the time to people, if he is going to cheat on you, he is going to do it not matter where he is (BP, club/bar, work, etc.). My FH is going to a BP this weekend they are renting out a room in a club and my FH told me this when they planned it and also told me not to say a word to the other girls because no one is telling their girlfriends or FW. I am not happy about it because I know their will be strippers there, but I trust him, and I respect the fact that he feels he can tell me!!! I would hate to be the other girls that do not know what is going on. My FH and I have a very honest relationship! I don't like strippers, but if I bothered him about it (going to BP or when he has his own), then he will just do it anyway but not tell me. It is a thing that the guys do and you have to trust your FH - that is the bottom line. He loves you and is going to marry you! Trust him and his love for you!!!

Re: bachelor party???

Once again, as someone said previously, it's not about trust, it's about the act being inappropriate in itself.

Re: bachelor party???

I think strip clubs are totally inappropriate and unneccessary - and my FH will have NOTHING to do with them. That's his choice. He thinks they're disgusting and dirty.

His idea of a BP is a poker night with friends, while watching football on a big screen tv. I'm glad he can still have fun with his boys while still being in the safety of his home.

Re: bachelor party???

not to turn the tables or anything, but i think your fi should suck this one up and skip the strippers/strip club.

you've been hurt before in this kind of situation. fi should respect the fact that you have been hurt in the past by this and recognize that no matter how much you trust him it's bound to cause you some anxiety. imho, he should NOT have anything to do with strip clubs or strippers for his bachelor. it's just going to cause anger & resentment on your part. i mean, face it, this goes deeper than him seeing naked women. this has to do with the fact that his is blatantly disregarding your feelings AND asking you to ignore them.

had you not been hurt before, my opinion would be different. i would tell you that if you trusted him to suck up the insecurity - goodness knows the majority of us feel some kind of "yuck" when it comes to our boy being around naked women. however, since your insecurity is grounded in past experience, i don't think you should suck it up. i think fi needs to be a grown-up and realize that your feelings on this one take precedence. he can go out with the boyz and have a good time without naked or partially naked women.

good luck!

Re: bachelor party???

---

Posted by LUCKinlove

I know how you feel. Bachelor parties bring out the insecurities in all of us. I had a discussion with my FH and he agreed not to have strippers. So now, he is going skidiving instead...I don't know which one was worse!

Talk to him about it.

---

Re: bachelor party???

I don't like the whole stripped/wild night thing myself BUT I would hesitate to make it a big issue because a friend of mine did that and it made her future husband really question the relationship because he felt that she didn't trust him. He is going to be with you for the rest of his life - he wants you, no one else. Just keep trying to remember - your FI is not your past boyfriend. He loves you and will not do anything to ruin what you two have.

Re: bachelor party???

My last relationship really screwed me up. But Darren is Marrying me, and rest assured I know he'll be good. Besides he's sooo shy anyway. He doesn't want trashy strippers, and the guys aren't like that. They decided on a dinner and a movie night. And thats what I'm doing as well. Dinner and a pajama party for me and my girls

Re: bachelor party???

---

Posted by I-can't-wait!!!!!!

I am not a fan of the stripper's (I mean who is), but I do think that you have to trust your FH! It was said before but I will say it again because I say this all the time to people, if he is going to cheat on you, he is going to do it not matter where he is (BP, club/bar, work, etc.). My FH is going to a BP this weekend they are renting out a room in a club and my FH told me this when they planned it and also told me not to say a word to the other girls because no one is telling their girlfriends or FW. I am not happy about it because I know their will be strippers there, but I trust him, and I respect the fact that he feels he can tell me!!! I would hate to be the other girls that do not know what is going on. My FH and I have a very honest relationship! I don't like strippers, but if I bothered him about it (going to BP or when he has his own), then he will just do it anyway but not tell me. It is a thing that the guys do and you have to trust your FH - that is the bottom line. He loves you and is going to marry you! Trust him and his love for you!!!

---

Re: bachelor party???

I have to 100% agree with metmymatch's post!!! Your FH is supposed to be on your side, and you should be on his side. That's what makes a marriage successful. I think he should understand WHY you don't want him to go. Put it like this.....Before you came along, if he had past girlfriends & they all got hurt/killed in a car accident on a snowy night, & you go & say to him, "I know it's snowing out, but I'm going out for a drive anyway & you have to trust that I'm going to be careful." What would his reaction be? He wouldn't want you to go most likely. He'd be afraid that something would happen to you.

I hate to use such a morbid example, but it was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry you're going through this. Chin up, girlie.. you know we're here for you!

Re: bachelor party???

even though we are all marrying them soon.. men can be dumb and simple minded.... (walk in the idea of a girl parading around them naked).. they think this is great....

I'd say humor him... this time.. if it bothers you let him know and I'm sure he won't go again.....

BTW.. in most places you can't get near the girls.. and a lap dance.. if you touch them your out..... most guys will tell you they are uncomfortable when they get one anyway.......

He loves you....

Re: bachelor party???

Soemtimes.. i think about it and Im like its crazy naked girls all over my FH. But in the end I trust him and he knows whats in approrpaite and what's not.. plus I make sure he knows he has the good stuff at home

I am going to cabo for my bacheleorette party and I convinced him and his GM to go DR for theirs!! And i said if he as to go to strip club or whatever for a bachelor type party.. do it when I am away in Cabo and just behave!!

When he leaves in april to DR, my girls are taking me out for a good time!! So I guess he deserves his male stupidity bonding also!!

Some guys are dogs, & I am sure you found the right one who will respect you and the relationship or else he wouldnt be making this commitment to you!!

Message edited 1/13/2006 2:03:41 PM.

Re: bachelor party???

My FH was married before, and he didn't do a BP then - just went out for drinks with some of the guys at a quiet bar.

He is not into this stuff - yes, he's attended a few in his life, but he is the kind of guy that can't find someone attractive until he knows them - he's strange... I used to think he was BSing me, but after over 2 years I discovered how legit he is...

Before our wedding, our friends are coming in from Cali - we never see them at all - and they are 2 gay men. I have nothing to worry about...

as a matter of fact, I'm going to Lucky Cheng's, and he wants to come along!

Re: bachelor party???

i have to agree the stripper thing gets me, but i know that that type of party isnt want my FH wants.

i think it is important to say how you feel and he should take that into consideration. if he goes on the whole 'you dont trust me' then you have to have a talk with him after that.

Re: bachelor party???

---

Posted by MJDoc12

---

Posted by EmberLynn

Look I can tell you right now, the stripper isn't interested in any FH, shes just wants the $$$$.

---

Yup. i couldn't agree more. i suppose i understand why women get a little insecure at the idea of a strip club and such for a bachelor party...but it really doesn't bother me in the least. i hope FH has a GREAT time at his BP....because i'll be rocking out at mine. LOL

If your FH is gonna cheat on you...he's gonna cheat on you. Him NOT going to a strip club bachelor party is not gonna magically stop him from falling from grace. Whether it be with a stripper (which just doesn't happen as much as we think--they want $$ not a BF)...or with a co-worker or some strange girl they meet out with the boys...men (& women) will cheat at anytime. You have to learn to trust them. I trust my FH 100%.

---

Re: bachelor party???

---

Posted by dianadrw

---

Posted by LUCKinlove

I know how you feel. Bachelor parties bring out the insecurities in all of us. I had a discussion with my FH and he agreed not to have strippers. So now, he is going skidiving instead...I don't know which one was worse!

Talk to him about it.

---

OMG SKYDIVING???....I'd rather have the strippers!

---

Re: bachelor party???

The reality is that your FI can cheat anytime. My boss is having an affair with one of the attorneys here and as far as his wife or her husband knows, they are both working all day.

As hard as it may be, you have to trust him and realize that he is not your ex and that is why your ex is your ex and not your future husband.

HTH,
Kelly

Re: bachelor party???

---

Posted by MrsFelix

---

Posted by MJDoc12

---

Posted by EmberLynn

Look I can tell you right now, the stripper isn't interested in any FH, shes just wants the $$$$.

---

Yup. i couldn't agree more. i suppose i understand why women get a little insecure at the idea of a strip club and such for a bachelor party...but it really doesn't bother me in the least. i hope FH has a GREAT time at his BP....because i'll be rocking out at mine. LOL

If your FH is gonna cheat on you...he's gonna cheat on you. Him NOT going to a strip club bachelor party is not gonna magically stop him from falling from grace. Whether it be with a stripper (which just doesn't happen as much as we think--they want $$ not a BF)...or with a co-worker or some strange girl they meet out with the boys...men (& women) will cheat at anytime. You have to learn to trust them. I trust my FH 100%.

---

I AGREE!!! Although I can understand the whole "inappropriate behavior" idea. BUT, it's just one night, I told my FH he can go to a strip club for his bachelor party BUT under no circumstances could he have a stripper come to a location. Most strip clubs (not all) have very strict rules about what can and can not be done. Let's face it, we're all human. Our animal instrincts of attraction are not going to stop when we say I DO. You will find another man attractive and he will find another woman attractive. It doesn't mean you don't love each other, it just means that we're HUMAN.

I'd say tell him how you feel and if it really bothers you, tell him. But don't give him an ultimatum, remember we're their mates not their keepers. Good luck!!!

---

Re: bachelor party???

You need to work on your insecurities. If your FH loves you and wants to marry you, he will not do anything stupid. You need to trust that. And who said that all bachelor parties have strippers? My DH suggested a joint party before we got married, adn that's what we did. Not all men are into seeing other women take off their clothes. I would talk to your FH, but most of all, don't worry about it too much.

Re: bachelor party???

i don't think its about trust..........
if they are gonna cheat then they are gonna cheat..........
but, what is the point of seeing strippers then--if they are not gonna cheat--then what are they getting from seeing these girls? i think it is some form of cheating JMO and i don't like it one bit and FH didn't have strippers--he didn't want them and NEITHER did I! i could go on and on but i won't!

Re: bachelor party???

---

Posted by 2003wedding.

i don't think its about trust..........
if they are gonna cheat then they are gonna cheat..........
but, what is the point of seeing strippers then--if they are not gonna cheat--then what are they getting from seeing these girls? i think it is some form of cheating JMO and i don't like it one bit and FH didn't have strippers--he didn't want them and NEITHER did I! i could go on and on but i won't!

---