bachelor party???

AM I the only one who has a problem with bachelor parties and strippers...

My ex cheated on me with TWO strippers, he was a dog. and Now I guess I am a little insecure about the whole thing.

I am a big girl in certain places and tiny in others :), I guess I wished my FI wouldnt have a bachelor party where all these hotties are gonna get naked in front of him and dance, I havent even dont that, we always turn the lights off..hope that wasnt too much info...

feeling very insecure about the whole thing...

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I can understand your insecurities but do not let your behavior ruin your beautiful relationship. If you know that your FH will not cheat on you then you do not have any thing to worry about.

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I agree...I have insecurities due to my last relationship, but you guys are getting married, he wants to be with YOU so so long as you know that and know he won't cheat then you will be okay

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honey, don't let a past relationship ruin what you have with your FH. If you love him, trust him.. you have to otherwise you'll be questioning everything.
Have you asked him what his feelings are about strippers? If you tell him you're not crazy about them, maybe he'll hold back. But if not, don't let it become some big issue.

Remember, in the end he comes home to you and he obviously loves you because you're getting married. Don't stress too much over it!

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I hear you. I'm not for my FH seeing strippers before our big day. I think it is a perverse "tradition". Definitely tell him how you feel and let him know that it's important to you. Then, regardless of what happens, he'll respect you.

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Posted by lilred13

I agree...I have insecurities due to my last relationship, but you guys are getting married, he wants to be with YOU so so long as you know that and know he won't cheat then you will be okay

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I am completely against it personally. Just b/c a man and a woman aren't married on paper YET shouldn't make men think that they can look at other women in a sexual/sensual way and I personally feel strippers demean all women! But that's just my opinion.

I have to say though that I'm lucky... my FH's idea of a Bachelor Party is going out to dinner to a really nice restaurant with his friends. When he found out is ex was a stripper he had no respect for her so he's completely turned off of the whole stipper thing. I wouldn't even want to see naked men other than FH - so I too just want a nice dinner with my friends.

Message edited 1/12/2006 10:16:48 PM.

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I know how you feel. Bachelor parties bring out the insecurities in all of us. I had a discussion with my FH and he agreed not to have strippers. So now, he is going skidiving instead...I don't know which one was worse!

Talk to him about it.

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I agree i hate the whole stripper thing. But its kinda part of the whole bachelor party thing. I wouldn't say I don't feel comfortable with it. I mean who does? But thats what guys like to do for their bachelor parties. My fi going to vegas and Im sure they will be going to strip clubs. But arent' you glad hes not like some of these other guys who are going to lie about it?

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You know what ... I personally think that going to a strip club should not "celebrate" a man getting married. Thats single behavior! However, I told my FI that he can go to a strip club if he wishes but if he gets a LAP DANCE I will literally beat his @$$!!!! He went to a bachelor party over the summer - and the strippers took the "groom to be" to a seperate room to get a lap dance. That is rediculous!

Im insecure about a lot of things but I've seen some of these stippers and they are raunchy. My FI said he would rather go golfing and then to hooters because at least the girls are "clean."

Anyway, I can totally understand why this upsent women. Its a tad inappropriate.

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FI went to ten bachelor parties last year to ten strip clubs, a couple in vegas...I know what happens there and I am so disgusted, I dont like the idea of the man I am gonna marry sitting there all drunk while hot naked girls put their boobs 1cm from his face, especially the day b4 our wedding, when I will be sitting at home with my girls talking about what a beautiful day the following day is going to be. I mentioned this to FI and he thinks its no big deal, and he intends on having one.

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Im sorry Im not trying to be rude but there is no way a guy especially the groom is going to go to a strip club and not get a lap dance. Its really not that big of a deal.

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I understand your insecurties, everyone of us has baggage from past relationship. What your ex did was terrible and discusting and that is why he is an ex. Maybe you could ask your brother, father, or just a male friend who is more loyal to you than your FH to go to the bachelor party with your FH to make sure nothing bad happens. Look I"ll be the last to tell you to just get over what hurt you in a past relationship.
But your FH is not your ex, hes a better man. A bachelor party is a sigh of trust. But you can always suggest that your brother or father should go to the party to your FH and if he doesn't plan on doing anything he shouldn't he will most likely not even be mad.

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But it is a big deal... just the thought of some girl bouncing around half naked on my FH lap makes me want to puke and then punch her in the face.
The second after my FH proposed that was the first thing that went through my head.. ahh he has to have a bachelor party
After many long talks we have decided that if he doesnt get it don't .. which is fine by me!

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i mean the strip clubs .. and strippers and lap dances.. not the bachelor party

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Posted by Ser29

But it is a big deal... just the thought of some girl bouncing around half naked on my FH lap makes me want to puke and then punch her in the face.

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Posted by Ser29

But it is a big deal... just the thought of some girl bouncing around half naked on my FH lap makes me want to puke and then punch her in the face.
The second after my FH proposed that was the first thing that went through my head.. ahh he has to have a bachelor party
After many long talks we have decided that if he doesnt get it don't .. which is fine by me!

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Posted by Ser29

But it is a big deal... just the thought of some girl bouncing around half naked on my FH lap makes me want to puke and then punch her in the face.
The second after my FH proposed that was the first thing that went through my head.. ahh he has to have a bachelor party
After many long talks we have decided that if he doesnt get it don't .. which is fine by me!

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Posted by ellebelle1

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Posted by Ser29

But it is a big deal... just the thought of some girl bouncing around half naked on my FH lap makes me want to puke and then punch her in the face.
The second after my FH proposed that was the first thing that went through my head.. ahh he has to have a bachelor party
After many long talks we have decided that if he doesnt get it don't .. which is fine by me!

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Honey, I feel the same way. I personally find it unbelievable that men think that this is Ok behavior (and woman agree). I always use the analogy to my FH and anyone else who argues with me about this (which is usually woman sadly enough)- would you be happy if your FH picked up a girl at a bar, had her go to his house, get naked for him, dance around, rub her body on his, then leave and have him say this wasn't cheating. Ummm, if the stuff that went on in strip clubs went on outside, everyone would say it's cheating (I'm talking more than just looking at a stage). But, because men pay for this, it is not cheating. Sounds like prostitution.

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LOL, I've got all the analogies. Put it this way, this topic bothered me long before I got engaged.

Before I met FH, he went to a Montral bachelor party. They saw private lesbian shows, full nudity, the groom got lap dances. And, one guy even hired a prositiute who went to their room. My FH did nothing, but one guy who had been with someone for 7 years got a BJ. Um, let's not even put ourselves in that situation... Thankfully, the next two parties, my FH did not attend. He's afraid of flying (and me ). The next two were in New Orleans (pre-disaster), and cancoon during Spring Break (these are 30-year old married men).

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i guess you just have to trust your FH, my FH told me he doesn't want to do any of the stuff and all the GM know that he doesn't, so hopefully it'll be the single best man and GMs getting nasty if they want to.

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OKAY, THIS IS A BIG ISSUE FOR ME AND I ACTUALLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT THIS SUBJECT BECAUSE I STUDIED IT AS PART OF A HUMAN BEHAVIOR PROJECT I DID IN COLLEGE.
I THINK THAT MOST WOMEN DON'T LIKE ADMITTING THAT THOSE TYPES OF PARTIES BOTHER THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO SEEM INSECURE (AND THEY DON'T WANT TO GET TEASED FOR BEING CONTROLLING).
I DON'T THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT. INFACT, I DON'T THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE WOMAN AT ALL.
I THINK IT IS THE MAN AND MORESO, THE BEHAVIOR ITSELF AND THE ACT ITSELF THAT IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. TO DO BE DOING WHATEVER IT IS THEY DO (AND MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IT IS MORE THAN JUST LOOKING) IS NOT RIGHT.
A LOT OF WOMEN SAY, IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR FH AND HE LOVES YOU- YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY. WELL, IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERING HAVING THAT TYPE OF PARTY.
THE ONLY REASON THIS "TRADITION" CAME ABOUT WAS BECAUSE IN THE 16TH CENTURY, WHEN IT WAS FORMED, IT WAS CREATED BECAUSE MARRIAGES WERE ARRANGED AND MEN NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM WHATEVER IT IS THEY NEEDED TO GET OUT BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT, LOVE, OR EVEN KNOW THE BRIDE BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY... MOST OF THEM NEVER EVEN MET BEFORE THAT DAY. SO, IN THAT CASE, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE THE TRADITION CAME FROM BUT FOR IT TO STILL BE IN USE TODAY IS REALLY JUST PLAIN BARBARIC.
IF YOU ARE PLANNING ON BEING WITH ONE PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THEN DO JUST THAT. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET. YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT GOES ON AT MOST OF THESE PARTIES, IT IS DEFINITELY BORDERLINE INFIDELITY.
I WOULD SPEAK TO YOUR FH ABOUT IT AND THE PAST, WHEN YOU GOT CHEATED ON, IS IRRELEVANT. THE ACT ITSELF IS WRONG. AND IF THAT DOES NOT MATCH SOME PEOPLE'S OPINION THEN THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NO ONE CAN TELL YOU THAT HOW YOU FEEL IS WRONG. IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE THEN HE SHOULD NOT DO IT. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY HOW YOU FEEL, IF SOMETHING BUGS YOU, THEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY AND DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS. TAKE CARE!!

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This was something that I made perfectly clear while we were just friends (Before we became boyfriend/girlfriend) I HATE the idea of bachelor parties. I HATE it. Just for clarification purposes, let me just say one more time,"I HATE BACHELOR PARTIES!!!!"
I don't have any past negative experiences w/them, I've never gotten cheated on by my guy that went to a B-Party, but I just think it's pointless for people who don't normally go & get lap dances to go a few nights before their wedding. Why do it? Most guys at B-Parties end up getting sloppy drunk & do things they normally wouldn't do.

My FH & I don't go out separately & look at naked people now. Why would we do it right before the wedding?


That being said....If you & your man are cool w/the idea, then hey, more power to ya! Go for yours! But, if one of the people in the relationship is uncomfortable w/the idea, then the other needs to be respectful.

Message edited 1/13/2006 11:26:50 AM.

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Posted by ellebelle1

LOL, I've got all the analogies. Put it this way, this topic bothered me long before I got engaged.

Before I met FH, he went to a Montral bachelor party. They saw private lesbian shows, full nudity, the groom got lap dances. And, one guy even hired a prositiute who went to their room. My FH did nothing, but one guy who had been with someone for 7 years got a BJ. Um, let's not even put ourselves in that situation... Thankfully, the next two parties, my FH did not attend. He's afraid of flying (and me ). The next two were in New Orleans (pre-disaster), and cancoon during Spring Break (these are 30-year old married men).

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I can tell you right now, the stripper isn't interested in any FH, shes just wants the $$$$.

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