how many break ups??

Planning a wedding is a stressful time for couples. How many of you brides have broken up with you FH since you got engaged.

My FH and I broke up twice already, we argued about the stupidest details and both got way to stressed.

Is this normal? share your stories...

Re: how many break ups??

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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Re: how many break ups??

i have to agree....

Re: how many break ups??

totally agree

Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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couldn't agree more. if you can't handle the stress of a wedding without 'breaking up'...how do you plan on being in a marriage???!?!?! what about finances? children? responsibilities?

i think you need to re-evaluate your reasons for wanting to get married and your entire relationship itself. yes planning a wedding is stressful--but in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing compared to the amount of issues that actually come up in a marriage.

the wedding is just one day--after the music ends, the cake is cut, and the guests leave-all your left with is a husband and wife.

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Re: how many break ups??

i have to agree.. me and FH have had our bad times but never once have I thought of leaving him.. we have taken a couple of hours apart to cool down but its never ended. You can't just take breaks when your married so why start in your engagment

Re: how many break ups??

We haven't broken up and we've been engaged for over a year. We argue about as much (mostly in cycles; arguing a lot then not for weeks). We've been together for several years and haven't broken up in about 2.5 years. Planning a wedding is both stressful and fun, but we're working on our communication skills and we've been adjusting to living together also.

Message edited 1/7/2006 7:26:18 PM.

Re: how many break ups??

I must say I agree with everyone also. I think you need to take a good look at why you are arguing and more importantly HOW you are arguing that would lead you to that point. You need to remember that marriage is about commitment, devotion, trust, loyalty, and most important about being on the SAME TEAM. If you aren't playing together you are playing against and thats not good. Everyone fights and argues but maybe you need to take a closer look at the situation...
HTH

Re: how many break ups??

I agree also. We've been engaged for a while now and have never broken up. Like the other girls said, If you can't deal with wedding stress, how are you going to make it when your married?

Re: how many break ups??

Thanks girls..I know you are all right, we need to mature a little more, we're both so stubborn and neither one is willing to compromise. Thanks for the help, really, needed to hear how it should be....

Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by lovetolove

Thanks girls..I know you are all right, we need to mature a little more, we're both so stubborn and neither one is willing to compromise. Thanks for the help, really, needed to hear how it should be....

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Re: how many break ups??

We aren't in lala land - we have financial problems, and I am coming into insta family - we have bigger problems than wedding issues - if we can handle the big life problems, a 5 hour party is no big deal....

Re: how many break ups??

We fight, but we always make up and try to learn from what we fought about. We make it work no matter what....sometimes I truly cannot stand him and I;m sure he feels the same about me but at the end of the day I love him and with him is where I belong.

Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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I agree 100%

wedding planning is very stressful, but so is buying a house, planning and having a family. this is just the beginning for you both and life is definitely not always blissful.

I agree that perhaps some couple's counseling would help.

good luck

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Message edited 1/7/2006 8:59:44 PM.

Re: how many break ups??

Agree 100%, it's a marriage not a makeup/breakup thing.

Re: how many break ups??

Sounds like you know you have to learn how to fight-which is great. Though we bicker from time to time, we've never broken up, not even while dating. However, we still could do better "fighting fair".

Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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Re: how many break ups??

Totally agreed.

I was never the Break up/Make up type, but still if you're going to break up everytime there's a disagreement, well maybe you're not ready to get married.

Even through all the problems and stress of planning a wedding, it was DH and I going through those stresses together, not him putting me through those stresses.

Re: how many break ups??

I do and don't agree...

We aren't young pups - in our 30's so I'm not sure how much more mature either of us will get, but we've had a long engagement and we knew from the beginning it would be... our original engagement was in March of 2003, we had started living together a few months before that and bought a house that summer... the following October I did a stupid dramatic thing that I didn't think would go the way it did... FH and I were fighting and he wouldn't listen to me, so to get him to shut up and listen... I THREW MY ENGAGEMENT RING in his face and said "take back that stupid piece of crap!"

Well he took it back... for 9 months. I didn't want to end our engagement, that wasn't my point... I wanted him to shut up and listen... but what did we learn... well, we learned how to communicate like ADULTS! Well, we stayed together in the months that followed and continued living together. However, to our friends and family the engagement had been broken off. This broke my heart, not b/c of a piece of jewlery, but b/c of what that meant to FH and my future.

July 4, 2004 I got my ring back and our engagement was formally back on. But I will never do something that stupid again, unless I really mean it. I guess my point here in this ramble is - start thinking about why you break up... for us we needed to figure out what we needed from eachother and how to ask for it without sacrificing ourselves or the other person if that makes any sense. If you are breaking up b/c of external factors or stress, learn how to handle your stress better or read a book on communication in relationships. Hope that helps!

Re: how many break ups??

I agree with everyone else here. We've had our share of fights, sometimes over the dumbest things, but not once did either one of us ever break up or break off the engagement. The closest we ever came was when I had an accident with his car, and handed him the ring back and told him I didn't deserve him, and he said I was crazy.

All couples argue. Anyone who tells you they don't is either lying or just hasn't reached that stage of their relationship yet. It's always about communication and compromise. Those are the main factors in a relationship and marriage.

I know where you are coming from with having someone that's stubborn, FH and I BOTH are very stubborn. However, we have both agreed to listen. Sadly, a lot of couples are so busy giving their own opinion or view, that they are not listening to their partner. You should both try listening and maybe taking a time out when things get heated, instead of being so quick to break things off. Doing that means there are more underlying issues (maybe a fear of losing independence, which is a scary thing in of itself) that you both have to confront.

Re: how many break ups??

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Posted by prncssrachel

I may get flamed for this, but if you are plannig on marrying each other, you really need to handle arguments so that you don't get so overwhelmed that you break up. That's serious as far as I'm concerned. We were engaged for two and a half years and faced some incredibly difficult, stressful times, but I would NEVER break off my engagement to him. What will happen once you are married? If you think planning a wedding is stressful, wait until you are married. It's not all rainbows and flowers and candle light dinners. It's hard WORK. Maybe you and your FH would benefit from some counseling to learn how to manage your fights.

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