living together

How many of you live with your FH? If you don't, do you plan on doing so before the wedding? Or will you move in together on the wedding night/after the wedding? Why or why not?

I'm struggling with this a little bit... Right now living together is not an option because I'm a student and I don't have the income to support myself, and it's really too much to ask him to support me. We're both living with our parents for now so we can save up money.
And I also feel like I want to wait until we're married... not for any religious reasons or anything, but because I feel like when you live together beforehand, then there really isn't a lot of difference between being married and not (and that's what I've heard from people), and it's really important to me to feel a change when we get married, to feel like we're really embarking on a new life together.

But... I miss him so much. I hardly see him because of our schedules. And I miss spending the night with him - it's really awkward to do that when we're living with our parents, but we used to spend the weekends together when we were in college, and I just miss having him there when I fall asleep and when I wake up.

I was just thinking about this because I couldn't see him or talk to him all day today because of his work, and I just missed him so much.

So, yeah... it can't happen until I get a real job and a real income, but I'm hoping to have a job next September, and then maybe we could move in together after that... but then there would probably be less than a year until the wedding, so I don't know if it's worth it... and I really want to feel that difference when we get married.

So, what are you guys doing? What are your thoughts on the matter? thanks!

Re: living together

I live with my FI. We've live together for a year this month. I wouldn't have it any other way. We went thru an adjustment period when he moved in with me and I'm glad we got that over with because it was a bit hard at times.
I do think that there will be a difference when we get married, we will be legally bound to one another. We will have said vows before our friends, family and god that we take each other, forever. Choices that we make will affect the other person moreso than they do now. So, yes, there will be a difference. We will be married.

Re: living together

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Posted by wematched

I live with my FI. We've live together for a year this month. I wouldn't have it any other way. We went thru an adjustment period when he moved in with me and I'm glad we got that over with because it was a bit hard at times.
I do think that there will be a difference when we get married, we will be legally bound to one another. We will have said vows before our friends, family and god that we take each other, forever. Choices that we make will affect the other person moreso than they do now. So, yes, there will be a difference. We will be married.

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Re: living together

not living 2gether.....each @ out parents house...trying to save up $$$, but we're looking towards the end of next year to have a place already of our own...

Re: living together

wow..could we BE any more similiar? lol i do not live with my FH...and do not plan to move in together until the month of the wedding. (we'll probably not officially move in together until after the wedding.) so that we could save for our big day, we both live with our families.

i've lived with a guy before, so i know that there will be an adjustment period and such--but i'm okay with that. a lot of times people try and say, "Oh you will fight like crazy if you don't move in together beforehand." Well let's face it, for many years it was not considered the norm to move in before marriage, and people were able to handle it back then too!! in today's society--we've just grown accustomed to people living together before marriage, and sometimes people see those who don't..."weird" or "odd". Quite frankly, from talking with a lot of brides-to-be, who are in full swing with the wedding planning....many tell me that it can be an advantage of not living together during the planning...since sometimes the stress of a wedding & making decisions can be a lot! (I'm not saying it happens to EVERYONE...I'm just remembering a conversation I had with some girls from theknot.com at a GTG we had last month.)

I totally understand what you mean when you say that it can just stink not living together, because it can be hard when you miss him. The thing I hate the most is at the end of the nite, after a long day...the thing I want to do more than anything is just go to bed with him!! (not in a naughty way--i mean really, just sleep) but since we do not live together, this rarely happens. those are the times i hate not living with him...or just having some alone time after work and wondering whether someone is gonna come home and the house will be all noisy and such.

my advice to you is this--try and remember that this is just a rough patch you have to get through. in the end all the sacrifices you are making by not living together, will be worth it. don't forget--that while right now, waiting 1 1/2--2 yrs to live together seems like a long time--in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world. you have the rest of your lives to be together.
[these are the things i have to tell myself all the time..it's not easy, but what can ya do?!]

Message edited 12/19/2005 12:18:16 AM.

Re: living together

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Posted by MJDoc12

wow..could we BE any more similiar? lol i do not live with my FH...and do not plan to move in together until the month of the wedding. (we'll probably not officially move in together until after the wedding.) so that we could save for our big day, we both live with our families.

i've lived with a guy before, so i know that there will be an adjustment period and such--but i'm okay with that. a lot of times people try and say, "Oh you will fight like crazy if you don't move in together beforehand." Well let's face it, for many years it was not considered the norm to move in before marriage, and people were able to handle it back then too!! in today's society--we've just grown accustomed to people living together before marriage, and sometimes people see those who don't..."weird" or "odd". Quite frankly, from talking with a lot of brides-to-be, who are in full swing with the wedding planning....many tell me that it can be an advantage of not living together during the planning...since sometimes the stress of a wedding & making decisions can be a lot! (I'm not saying it happens to EVERYONE...I'm just remembering a conversation I had with some girls from theknot.com at a GTG we had last month.)

I totally understand what you mean when you say that it can just stink not living together, because it can be hard when you miss him. The thing I hate the most is at the end of the nite, after a long day...the thing I want to do more than anything is just go to bed with him!! (not in a naughty way--i mean really, just sleep) but since we do not live together, this rarely happens. those are the times i hate not living with him...or just having some alone time after work and wondering whether someone is gonna come home and the house will be all noisy and such.

my advice to you is this--try and remember that this is just a rough patch you have to get through. in the end all the sacrifices you are making by not living together, will be worth it. don't forget--that while right now, waiting 1 1/2--2 yrs to live together seems like a long time--in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world. you have the rest of your lives to be together.
[these are the things i have to tell myself all the time..it's not easy, but what can ya do?!]

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Re: living together

We lived together almost 2 years before we were married. Best thing we ever did. (besides getting hitched) There were adjustments made even after the wedding though. It was still new to us.

I know what you mean by missing each other. Know that it won't be forever, soon you will wake up and go to bed every day and night with him.

Re: living together

I do not live with FH but I spend weekends with him, he has his own place. We are hoping to buy a new place before our wedding but right in time for the wedding. I think I'll wait until the wedding night to move in with him i've waited this long.

Re: living together

my FH and I do not live together, we are trying to save as much $ as possible to buy a house

Re: living together

my FH and I do not live together.. We want to save money, to buy a house before the wedding. we will formally move in after we get back from our honeymoon...

Re: living together

my FH and i live together and i love it...we are now accustomed to each others routines...some people choose not to till after the wedding saying if you live together before then being married wont feel different, but i disagree, in my opinion living with him now is best for US,,, but everyone feels different, to each his own

Re: living together

we arent allowed to live together (both our parents say so) We own a Co-op that I live in...he lives with his parents still. he has been living at the apt with me for like 2 months bc his parents had damage in their downstairs from all that rain a few months ago, so they are redoing the whole downstairs (where his room was) so until the house is fixed he is living with me..then moving back home...

we dont want to live together until we are married..i think it will be more exciting to really live together as soon as we get married...i dont want to play "house" until it is real!!!

Re: living together

FH and I do not live together I hate it but we will be moving in together before the wedding. I just graduated college and began working in April. We are waiting until 07 for the wedding so that we can buy a condo next year and not have to throw away our money renting. So right now we are saving all we can. In the next 6 months we will start looking for a condo and hopefully move in by next Summer!! So, yes we will be living together before the wedding.

Re: living together

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Posted by Nina

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Posted by wematched

I live with my FI. We've live together for a year this month. I wouldn't have it any other way. We went thru an adjustment period when he moved in with me and I'm glad we got that over with because it was a bit hard at times.
I do think that there will be a difference when we get married, we will be legally bound to one another. We will have said vows before our friends, family and god that we take each other, forever. Choices that we make will affect the other person moreso than they do now. So, yes, there will be a difference. We will be married.

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I could not agree more. FI have lived together for three years. I absolutely love it and still look forward to life after marriage!
But...to each their own..you must do whats right for you

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Re: living together

We do not live together nor will we move in together before the wedding. I am old fashioned in that way. I have nothing against it but I don't want to.

Re: living together

We live together. I moved into the apartment in May mainly because the house I was co-renting was being sold and then I didn't really want to move in with my mom again so FH asked me to move in with him. I enjoy it for the most part. I am in my last year of law school so financially it is a bit tight but I live on student loans anyway! Many of my married friends say it is totally different after they get married in an inexplicable way. I can't wait to see if I agree. I like that we are getting used to each other's habits because I generally am nit picky with certain things and I am learing to deal with some of his habits now rather than when we get married. We've been together for almost 8 years and I've still learned so much by living with him. I love falling asleep with him hugging me!

Re: living together

We have been living together for almost 2 years pretty much the bulk of our relationship and i absolutley love it
Sometimes I do wish I lived at home with my parents because of the money situation, I could save so much but I can't go back home, there is no room for me
But I really don't think I would change it, we have gotten so set in our ways with each other but still find time for new things to spice up our relationship
I personally would suggest living with him before marriage but only because of my own personal experience, my ex who I was engaged to, and I lived together and it was the best thing, I learned what he was really like and thankfully got out before it was too late
But I also believe you should do what will make you happy, I'm sure it's a different feeling when you wait until after marriage, but I love it too much to change it

Re: living together

We dont live together ... have old -fashioned parents, and we wouldnt want to dissappoint them. But i cant wait to wake up next to him every morning!!

Re: living together

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Posted by Nina

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Posted by wematched

I live with my FI. We've live together for a year this month. I wouldn't have it any other way. We went thru an adjustment period when he moved in with me and I'm glad we got that over with because it was a bit hard at times.
I do think that there will be a difference when we get married, we will be legally bound to one another. We will have said vows before our friends, family and god that we take each other, forever. Choices that we make will affect the other person moreso than they do now. So, yes, there will be a difference. We will be married.

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I could not agree more. FI have lived together for three years. I absolutely love it and still look forward to life after marriage!
But...to each their own..you must do whats right for you

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Re: living together

We do not live together. He would like to and at times so would I. I agree with you on wanting it to feel like you are starting a new life together. I have also heard stories from people and they all say to wait because when you come home from the wedding or the HM, you don't feel any different if you live together before hand. He does have his own place now though. I haven't stayed there yet, but we have gone away together. But whatever- to each his own.

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Posted by mhermanns

We do not live together. He would like to and at times so would I. I agree with you on wanting it to feel like you are starting a new life together. I have also heard stories from people and they all say to wait because when you come home from the wedding or the HM, you don't feel any different if you live together before hand. He does have his own place now though. I haven't stayed there yet, but we have gone away together. But whatever- to each his own.

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Re: living together

Sara-do what's best for you. Eventually you will be with each other everyday and night..it will be very special.

Re: living together

I own my house and when my roomies were moving out so were his, it made sense at the time, 2 1/2 years later we still live together. I am so glad I did it bc I love falling asleep with him every night and waking up to him each morning!