To Elope or Have the big wedding??

Hey Everyone - Ok, I know many of you have recently had weddings or are in the midst of planning one? Is it worth it? I am headed down that path and am paying for it myself. It is obviously a lot of work and also very expensive. For those of you that have had the big wedding, do you think you might have been better off spending the $$ elsewhere or were you happy to have the big day? For those of you that are planning your weddings now, are you getting stressed to a point where you feel you would rather just hightail it to an island and just be married already? Let me know what you think...I am about to sign my contract and am getting cold feet. Not about my FH but about moving forward with such a big financial committment & so much work!! Thanks everyone I'm sure it will work out one way or another...

P.S. I probably wouldn't elope, but would have my immediate family there and do a top notch extravagant dinner party after....

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I 2nd guessed myself through the entire process b/c of stress and $$ but now that I had my wedding, it was 1000% WORTH IT!!!!!! I would do it again in a heartbeat!

what you can do to keep costs down is have a smaller wedding. that's what we did.

there is no feeling like being a bride! it is the most incredible feeling in the world!!!! although I am sure becoming a mom beats it... I hope to find out one day

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I look at it this way, most people regret things they didn't do in life more than the ones they did do. If you feel in your heart for a second that you may regret you did not have a big wedding, i think you should do it.
ETA: However, it's not worth going bankrupt over. FH and I collectively decided that no matter how big this shindig gets, we will have a certain amount of money in the bank the day before the wedding for a house. Some may not be in the same predicament. It is a personal choice but I think I would have regretted it.

Message edited 12/14/2005 7:33:14 PM.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I wanted an Island wedding but FI and my family wanted me to have a big Wedding...Yes I sometimes find it stress full and think to my self how am I going to afford it...But I know that everything will come in place. I've done my research and know who does great work and will not over charge...I Also Book a Vendor when I have the money.....believe Me there are a lot of things that I haven't even booked yet and won't book until after the Holidays like Febuary or March....I Just learned not to stress over it anymore and everything will be perfect for us on that special day and I know I will not be disappointed!! Good Luck to you!!! You will figure out what is best for you and your FI.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I wanted a small wedding, either an island with immediate family and close friends or eloping to Vegas. I knew our families would not be able to contribute and we would have to pay for it. I could not justify spending $60K plus for one day.
Surprisingly it was FH that wanted the big wedding.
I hesitantly agreed. After doing the initial planning, I still was not sold. Then I went to one of his cousin's weddings and it was awesome. He has a big family and they are so much fun.
After that wedding I decided it would be fantastic to have a special day that we could share with our families and friends.

And then I found LIW and now I am totally obsessed with planning a big wedding.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I was lucky b/c my parents paid for my wedding. However, if I had to choose between having a big wedding and putting a down payment on a house, I'd probably choose the house b/c a wedding is just one day. I also wouldn't want to be in debt or really struggling financially just to have a big wedding. Other people may feel differently. You're the only one who knows your financial situation and how a wedding will impact you financially in the future. If you're really worried about the cost, but still want a wedding reception, there are many ways to cut costs. Have a very small wedding, maybe somewhere other than a catering hall. Have it on a less popular day/time (Friday or Sunday nights tend to be cheaper) during the off season (November through March is typically the off season). You definitely need to do your research, but you can have a fabulous wedding without breaking the bank. Definitely use this board as a resource. The ladies here are really helpful.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

This topic comes up ALOT

There is a recent post called something like "If you could go back"....... would you have spent more or less on the wedding considering housing costs, furniture, vacations, new cars and having savings in general

I have a lot of recently married friends. Each wedding was wonderful but the top two (as far as guests dancing, good music and great food) were the least expensive.

One friend spent $60K for 120 guests since they rented a mansion out of NY. One friend had a DW in the Bahamas (destination for many of us but much of her family lives in Nassau). There were 75 -100 people at the Nassau wedding. Another friend spent a grand total of $7K for 100 guests and she had an 11 piece band (they played as a favor). I was in a wedding that was about $25K with 200 guests (outside NYC).

The couple that got married in the Bahamas (for under $4K I might add) bought a new house and they got the certificate of occupancy last week. They had a baby right away too and they are moving into a new house before the end of this year.

The couple (the wedding I was in) is expecting a baby in a few weeks They are also adding a first floor apartment (grandma suite) to their house (groom owned it before they married).

All of my friends told me they wish they had spent less - even the $7K wedding with the 11 piece band However, none of them say they would not have had a wedding at all. I think the Justice of the Peace was a bit too informal for all of them (and it's too informal for me although I initially told FH I wanted to do that). FH convinced me to have the wedding. I was trying to elope in Mexico but he convinced me that I would regret not having the wedding and then end up having a wedding (vow renewal) a year or two later. I am not sure that is true but as an earlier post notes - people regret things they did not do more so than things they did do

Our list topped out at 296 (all family and close friends) and we plan to invite all of them It's a far cry from the 20 person max wedding on the beach at Royal Hideaway in Mexico that I had in mind for 2/19/06. I was in contact with the hotel regarding catering a dinner party and I still have the airline discount insert cards .

But FH wants a NY wedding

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

Its really worth it, especially if its something you always dreamed about you will regret if if you dont follow your dream. I can't wait for my big day planning is stressful at times but ican't wait to see the end result

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

i had similar thoughts when i first got engaged (my early posts are proof of this). i was super worried about the money issues...but its all working out OK. we will not have any debt (wedding related debt that is) after the wedding and thats good enough for me. sure, it might make more sense to drop 25k on a house down payment, but logic doesn't win here...in my heart i want to have that BIG day with the love of my life and all of my family and friends. you can have a really nice wedding without overspending also, you will find so many money saving tips on this site! as for the stress, if you are prone to stress you might feel the heat, but its not so bad. once you get organized and set your budget, you'll get done what you need to get done. i felt nervous before signing my name to the reception hall contract...but after i did it, everything fell into place. best of luck!! ~lacey

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

For me, it's totally worth it. We had a few days when we completely freaked out about $$ and we considered just having a destination wedding. That just isn't my style. I want a wedding. The gown. The flowers. The party. The open bar!! I also wanted everyone to be there and I knew that too many people would be excluded due to $, children, work, or other responsibilities.
And, I guess, part of me wanted just one day when the attention of those that I care about is on me.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

Our wedding was the best night of our lives, and worth every penny. It's just indescribable how wonderful it is... To me, yes, it was so worth it.

I still think about my DH's face when I walked down the aisle and he saw me for the first time as his bride in front of all of our friends and family...

The entire night was amazing. Being announced in front of everyone we love and that loves us... and that first dance... Just everything was really wonderful...

JMHO!

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I was in your same situation. Engaged, excited, elated...but not willing to spend so much money on just one day. It seemed so wasteful to me. A destination wedding with our immediate family was my perfection. My hubby on the other hand had always envisioned his wedding as a big affair with his entire family (uncles, cousins, etc.). Our compromise? Cut the guest list to the essentials in our life (if we hadn't seen a particular relative in over a year they didn't get an invite, no kids, no singles with guests) and go with an off-peak day (Friday) to cut costs. We also booked "short" and planned about 6 months in advance which gave us an excellent price at the hall. We negotiated everything...from our reception hall, to every vendor, to the honeymoon. In the end we had a little under 100 guests and the wedding of our dreams...yes, it was hard since my hubby had to work 2 jobs for a bit and we had to cut down on a lot of our spending. But was it worth it? Absolutely! It was the best day of our lives and worth every penny. We would do it again in a heartbeat. Most importantly though, we enjoyed ourselves tremendously which contributed to our guests enjoyment and our fond memories of the day. It was a celebration in the best of ways!

Now, like someone else said, it's not worth it if you're going into debt...but saving (we were engaged over 4 years) and working hard to have things your way makes you appreciate it even more.

In the end it comes down to what you want. Will you regret it if you don't have the "big" wedding? Because very few regret doing it...it's the "what ifs" that kill us.

Edited to add: It is only money, and luckily you can always make more.

Good luck with your decision!

Message edited 12/14/2005 9:21:09 PM.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

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Posted by SomethingBlu

...it's the "what ifs" that kill us.

Good luck with your decision!

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Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

We were going to have a DW.... we went back and forth with the decision and finally made a decision to have it here.

Funny how were were having a DW b/c of $$ and now we are planing this big wedding and we are hapy b/c all of our family and friends will be there.

Deep down we knew this is really waht we wanted to do.

We don't know how we are going to do it but we are putting it in God's hands!!!

Message edited 12/14/2005 10:05:40 PM.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I'm having a wedding, BUT I'm not spending a LOT. Believe or not you can have a lovely wedding at little the cost. My budget is $5000, I know I'm going over a little but its way under $10,000. You just have to plan pratically.

Re: To Elope or Have the big wedding??

I fought DH every step of the way, my parents paid for the reception and we paid for flowers, dj, photo, video favors, etc. They offered to give the money they were spendingso we could use it towards a house. I was all for that, a vegas wedding, whoever wanted to come could, then we would go somewhere for a HM, but DH insisted on a wedding, with white dress and all "this is the way it is supposed to be". I Enjoyed my self so much, the planning and all, i am so glad we did it this way. It all depends on the person though, my co worker eloped and said she could've never done what i did.