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Jen2999
What's next?!
Member since 11/04 9849 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/7/2006 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
CHATEAU LA MER--AMAZING!
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Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
We found agreat place to have our rehearsal dinner that is really close to the church. The only problem is that wine and beer is not included in the price of the package and Fil's dont feel comfortable paying an extra 10pp for it.
Do you think it is tacky to have a cash bar?
I personally am a little ***ehhh*** about it but the truth is that only the BP would prob be drinking anyway.
I dunno...
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Posted 12/11/05 3:03 PM 
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BRod-Cheng
A baby is coming in '08!!!
Member since 4/05 2501 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/15/2006 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club A+++++++
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
If non alcoholic drinks are included, I don't think that it is tacky to have people pay for thier own alcoholic drinks.
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Posted 12/11/05 3:11 PM
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Jen2999
What's next?!
Member since 11/04 9849 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/7/2006 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
CHATEAU LA MER--AMAZING!
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by BRod-Cheng
If non alcoholic drinks are included, I don't think that it is tacky to have people pay for thier own alcoholic drinks.
Yes unlimited soda, coffee and tea
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Posted 12/11/05 3:12 PM
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08/06
Board Enthusiast
Member since 6/05 221 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/31/2006 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
I'm sorry to be difficult, but if I were inviting ppl somewhere, I wouldn't want them to have to pay. JMO
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Posted 12/11/05 3:35 PM
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chellynyc
WE'RE FINALLY MARRIED!!!!!!!!!
Member since 10/05 5083 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/3/2007 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Floral Terrace
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by 08/06
I'm sorry to be difficult, but if I were inviting ppl somewhere, I wouldn't want them to have to pay. JMO
I agree
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Posted 12/11/05 3:36 PM
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Jen2999
What's next?!
Member since 11/04 9849 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/7/2006 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
CHATEAU LA MER--AMAZING!
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by chellynyc
Posted by 08/06
I'm sorry to be difficult, but if I were inviting ppl somewhere, I wouldn't want them to have to pay. JMO
I agree
This is how I feel too, FH is saying most people wont drink anyway and is thinking maybe we should foot the bill. I dunno.. Im thinking we should just find another place that has itincluded.
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Posted 12/11/05 3:39 PM
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mfrsfeb
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/05 810 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/10/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
How about running a tab for the people who do drink? My mom did that for a rehearsal dinner nobody knew it wasn't included, whoever drinks just orders a drink. It is usually cheaper if not everyone will drink.
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Posted 12/11/05 3:48 PM
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ML110
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 12/04 1431 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/25/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
i agree about having the restaurant running a tab..... we did this at my parents anniversary party and it worked out perfect..... that way you only pay for what people drink.....
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Posted 12/11/05 3:53 PM
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jeanla4c
THREE YEARS already!
Member since 8/04 5242 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2005 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau La Mer
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by mfrsfeb
How about running a tab for the people who do drink? My mom did that for a rehearsal dinner nobody knew it wasn't included, whoever drinks just orders a drink. It is usually cheaper if not everyone will drink.
That's exactly what we did, I think it works out just fine that way.
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Posted 12/11/05 3:55 PM
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ChrissynRicky
Board Princess
Member since 2/05 14636 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/30/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow - Woodbury, NY
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
I agree with the above post about having people pay their own way for cocktails.
I'm having a small RD w/a pre-fixed menu, including a champagne toast, and another cocktail...if anyone wants to drink more than that....they can get it themselves.
I'm sorry, but I think paying for a wedding and a RD on top of that is very overwhelming, ETA: and honestly a RD is not a time or place IMHO to be "drinking" in large amounts....
Message edited 12/11/2005 4:07:34 PM.
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Posted 12/11/05 4:04 PM
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MissMelissa
Board Fanatic
Member since 12/03 762 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/24/2009 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
ours wasn't included, so we paid for a set amt of pitchers, so there was no more money added per person
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Posted 12/11/05 4:04 PM
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Soccer_Girl
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 10/04 1479 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/17/2008 1:05 AM
Wed. Location:
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Message edited 11/4/2006 5:03:45 PM.
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Posted 12/11/05 4:46 PM
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espresso
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 9/05 1319 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/31/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
done
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
i would just run a tab. not everyone drinks at a rehearsal dinner..it's not the party atmosphere.
but for those who want a glass or 2 of wine, they can. I would get a glass of wine if I went to a RD. & I would find it odd if i had to pay!!
I also think it's odd to invite anyone to such events then have them pay for an amenity.
I understand the budget issue (trust me I'm having problems with my own!!), but I don't think having people pay for their own drinks, whatever the event may be, is the appropriate place to cut corners
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Posted 12/11/05 4:56 PM
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EJSD2006
2 years down a lifetime to go!
Member since 9/05 5546 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/23/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Well, if your RD is the night before the wedding then just tell everyone that there's no alcohol being served because you want everyone ready and at 100% for tomorrow. What they don't know won't hurt them. And if they want to drink, they can buy their own.
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Posted 12/11/05 5:18 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
I, personally, do think a cash bar is inappropriate.
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Posted 12/11/05 7:02 PM
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sarahthegreat
sweet pea
Member since 11/03 6398 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/4/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
stewart manor country club
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
we are just having beer, wine and soda...if people want something else they will have to pay for it. to me, thats not the same as a cash bar...i wouldn't invite them and then make them pay for a soda if they wanted one.
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Posted 12/11/05 7:04 PM
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beautyq115
Board Princess
Member since 12/04 16774 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/16/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club...AMAZING
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
I am just having beer, wine and soda!
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Posted 12/11/05 7:12 PM
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CKJ906
It's An Obsession
Member since 5/05 3560 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/1/2006 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by beautyq115
I am just having beer, wine and soda!
Same here..
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Posted 12/11/05 7:13 PM
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Kris516
Homeowners!!
Member since 1/05 3796 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/23/2006 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Estate at East Wind
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by CKJ906
Posted by beautyq115
I am just having beer, wine and soda!
Same here..
Same here.
Do what you need to do, Jen. The next night you will be throwing these same guests the biggest bash of your life. If they need to cough up some $$ to buy drinks the night before, I don't think that is so bad. The guests at your RD are mostly BP anyway, right? They'll understand!
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Posted 12/11/05 7:46 PM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12395 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
I am torn about this... I think people should not have to pay when you take them out however, I don't agree to have an "open bar" so people can order Grey Goose martinis all night.
IMO, find another place that offers beer & wine included in the pp price.
HTH
Message edited 12/11/2005 7:59:10 PM.
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Posted 12/11/05 7:58 PM
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aliwnec10
I love my husband!
Member since 9/05 2164 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/7/2006 5:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Gurneys Inn in Montauk
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Posted by 08/06
I'm sorry to be difficult, but if I were inviting ppl somewhere, I wouldn't want them to have to pay. JMO
I feel the same way too. I just feel that the rehearsal dinner is a way of thanking the immediate people close to you who are contributing to the wedding, including your bridal party... and to ask them to pay for their own drinks is just not much of a thank you IMO.
If your in-laws don't feel like paying the extra $10 pp, than if i were you... i'd pay the extra for them.
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Posted 12/11/05 8:23 PM
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liwinebride
Board Fanatic
Member since 1/05 390 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/5/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
The Vineyard Caterers
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
Another option is to just pay for what people drink. If its just the bridal party drinking, that might be cheaper than $10 extra dollars a person
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Posted 12/11/05 10:56 PM
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mtdr1106
1 year down - a lifetime to go
Member since 7/05 4449 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/11/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
leonards - A++
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
honestly - i am usually all about the open bar - but in this case i dont think it is a big deal to have one.
i threw a party a few years back for FH - which i would kinda consider on a RD level - and i included beer and wine and it was a total waste. the guest were drinking faster than the waitress was putting the drinks on the table. the place i held it @ would only serve pitchers of beer (and many people like bottle) and many others have their "drink" - like myself - i would rather have a stolli vodka over an absolute vodka anyday.
so in my opinion if you were only going to do beer & wine anyway - just skip it and stick with cash bar. in essence its a dinner- not a birthday party or a night out to get smashed. if you and Fh feel funny about it - see if they will just run a tab behind the bar and you and Fh pick it up.
good luck...
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Posted 12/11/05 11:43 PM
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EvenEdan
blah blah...
Member since 11/02 3110 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/27/2004 3:15 PM
Wed. Location:
The Carltun
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
I wouldn't be comfortable having a cash bar at an event I'm inviting people to.
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Posted 12/12/05 1:15 AM
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Laura&Phil
Married! The stress is OVER!!
Member since 4/05 1254 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2006 10:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow A++
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Re: Rehearsal dinner ettiquette question
This is a touchy subject when it comes to the wedding but for a RD I think it's fine to run a cash bar for just liquor. I looked into Milleridge for an engagement party I threw my MOH and they would include beer wine and soda- that shouldn't be $10 a person. Unless you love the food there you may want to look elsewhere.
Otherwise, just run the tab. It's a formal dinner, not a party and they know that it'll be open bar at the wedding- I doubt that they'd drink much and it should be cheaper overall. It can get crazy with all of the little things the couple and their families are expected to pay for!
Good luck!
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Posted 12/12/05 2:08 AM
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