Incorporating Step-parents in the big day

Is anyone else struggling with this? My mom has remarried, and is making comments about how nice it is to involve the step-parents everywhere all parents are involved, even hinting at the father-daugher dance. Needless to say, my mom still has some animosity toward my dad...and my dad is super easy going about everything.

I absolutely plan on involving my step-dad in lots of things, but the fact remains that he's not my dad and I just can't treat him as such. I plan on giving him a boutonniere, having him walk my mom down the aisle, having him in most pictures where parents are included, and then dancing with him sometime during the night - but not necessarily during a special dance. My other dilemma is the unity candle - may just skip the whole thing to avoid any problems.

Suggestions welcome!!!

Message edited 12/11/2005 1:48:49 AM.

Re: Incorporating Step-parents in the big day

My FMIL remarried, but my FFIL has not. FMIL's husband is seating himself, and FMIL's brother (a groomsman) is seating her. Our mothers are the ones lighting the unity candle, and our fathers are bringing up the gifts at church.

It might be different for us, since FMIL and FFIL divorced when my FI was about 22 years old. His 'stepfather' had no part in raising him. I have left the decision up to my FI how he wants his parents to walk into the reception. They wouldn't have a problem coming in together, but we'll see what FI decides.

Re: Incorporating Step-parents in the big day

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Posted by waterspout4

My FMIL remarried, but my FFIL has not. FMIL's husband is seating himself, and FMIL's brother (a groomsman) is seating her. Our mothers are the ones lighting the unity candle, and our fathers are bringing up the gifts at church.

It might be different for us, since FMIL and FFIL divorced when my FI was about 22 years old. His 'stepfather' had no part in raising him. I have left the decision up to my FI how he wants his parents to walk into the reception. They wouldn't have a problem coming in together, but we'll see what FI decides.

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Re: Incorporating Step-parents in the big day

My dad remarried and i have a stepmother who i've got a great relationship with - but she was never part of raising me. I totally wanted to include her in the day so I had her wear a corsage along with the MOG and MOB, and she was seated with the family

Also, we had a jewish ceremony, so i asked her to witness the signing of the ketubah, as well as witness the signing of our marriage certificate. She was listed in the program, although she didnt walk down the aisle at all.
She really felt honored that I wanted to include her as she knows that my mom and dad still get along very well.
It was clear that my mom and dad were my parents, but she was treated as just a special member of the family.. sort of like grandparents are.
I didnt include her in the entrance to the reception as it might have been a little weird.

I agree it can be tough - but as long as you make an effort to include them (which it sounds like you really are) it should be fine. You don't want your Dad to feel slighted if you do a special dance with your stepdad as well.

Good luck!