My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

Ok this is going to sound so immature and pointless but I really need to just get it out. She does nothing! She made me pay for her to fly down from buffalo so she would be at my e party. She has no idea about any of my wedding plans because she never asks me. Today I decided to tell her about my news, my fh bought me my xmas present early, a new car. So I tell her and she responds that in her eyes my old car( an 02 camaro) and my new car(an 06 honda) are garbage. The girl is 22 years old with no license, if she needs to go somewhere I drive her. Cant she just be happy for me??! Oh and to top that off our next topic was my bachelorette party..my bridesmaids already planned it and reserved a hotel room for the weekend, and she had no clue because she wont respond to their e mail or phone calls!!! Can I demote her or something?!?


This just in...She just told me to pull the stick out of my a$$ and when I can think of something other than my wedding to talk about to give her a call...I quit


Ladies thanks for listening..sorry for my rant...just had to release the tension somehow



So she has still not called me back, I left her a nice detailed message about how upset I am, and that I wish I had known her true feelings sooner. I asked her why she would pretend to care. I always thought my moh was supposed to care more than anyone else, but I was seriously wrong! Now I am left to make a big decision, do I just leave her out of my wedding, or do I leave her out of my life?

Message edited 11/19/2005 11:24:22 AM.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

I'm sorry I've been dealing with a similar situation but to be honest not quite as bad. I wish you luck.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

Wow...sorry to hear you are going through this with your MOH. Is she your Best friend?

Maybe she is jealous, that is why she is acting this way.
Hang in there!!!

Oh...Congrats on your new car!!!

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

Girl, you need to drop her and quickly add someone else to your wedding party!
You do not need that negativity at your wedding. She is very jealous. Very jealous
You rant all u want.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

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Posted by maria5-6-05

I'm sorry I've been dealing with a similar situation but to be honest not quite as bad. I wish you luck.

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Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

Jennifer, I would drop her or demote her. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without added negativity!!! If she is saying that to you now, what is she going to be like further down the road and closer to the wedding??

However, keep this in mind....no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. You are the one who is engrossed in it. No one else around you will care anywhere near as much.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

I'm sorry about your MOH problem! You definitely have the right to rant. Did you confront her about the way she has been acting and let her know that she is upsetting you?

Congrats on the new car!! What a great gift!

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

Thanks ladies! I feel so much better now that I know I am not the only one with a deadbeat moh! I NEVER bring up my wedding in conversation, people always ask me about it, it actually annoys me to no end when people think there is nothing to talk to me about other than the wedding. I left out a little info about my "best friend" I have known her since I was 11 years old, she is from "the other side of the tracks" if you know what I mean. My family does well for itself, and so, as long as I have known her, I have been her financial support. I buy her everything! This year was hard on her family, fh gave her mother a job with his company(which btw she quit after a week because "it was too hard" ) I bought her family groceries, I paid her mothers car payment, I let them live in my home and asked for nothing in return, I bought her school clothes, when fh gave her mother a job I bought her mother clothes to wear to work, I do everything for her and her family! She has had one boyfriend, this past summer, and as much as I disliked him, I was kind and polite and welcomed him into our circle of friends, because I knew how much he meant to her. To this day she bad mouths my fh, she always tells me how much she hates him!! I have never recieved a birthday present from her, ever. She doesnt even call to say happy birthday, it is kind of like it doesnt exist. And with all her faults, I still love her, and I want her to have the best of everything. I feel bad all the time, wishing I could do more for her. So I paid for her to fly home for my e-party, half way through she disappears with her boyfriend. She just got up and left! She was spending that night at my house, I was up until 430 am looking for her!!! She never showed up! Not even a phone call! My bms all said that she does not seem interested in my wedding at all, so at that point I decided to give her an easy out, let her know that I would love her to be there for me, but if she cant, I understand, and would not be upset, and she insisted that she wants this honor more than anything. So now what? I have called her twice, left her messages, and have not recieved an answer yet. As you can see I am so out of my mind right now, I cant even keep my thoughts straight!

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

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Posted by BKtoLI

Jennifer, I would drop her or demote her. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without added negativity!!! If she is saying that to you now, what is she going to be like further down the road and closer to the wedding??

However, keep this in mind....no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. You are the one who is engrossed in it. No one else around you will care anywhere near as much.

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Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

It sounds like your MOH is not supportive of you at all, and yet you are completely supportive of her!! It sounds like your relationship is very much one sided. And her putting down your FH is something I would never accept. Even if you don't care for someone, keep it to yourself.

I would let her know that if the honor means so much to her, then she should act like it, otherwise you will have to look for someone else to be your MOH who will be more supportive and understanding.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

Princess, it's funny I noticed recently. When I was single four years ago in the clubs and bars alone meeting losers. I had sooo many friends once I settled down with my FI. Friends dwindled down to my best friend of 22 years an old co-worker and a Girlfriend of my FI's best friend. Note: Misery loves company
If someone doesn't want to see u happy. They want u alone, broke and sad with them. Stay away move on. Your new life awaits u as a happy newlywed.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

I dont know what I would do without you ladies. Seriosuly, this has been the worst night I have had in a long time. I am so worked up, I cant sit still! I am on here, then I get up and pace the house, and then get in bed, and then come back here, I am insane! I wish there was a better way to do this, but I guess it is just time to go our seperate ways. I am sure she will come around in a few days and appologize, but you are right, I cant have this kind of negativity in my life for the next year, nevertheless the rest of my life! It just feels wrong to me to have her there with me , knowing this is what she really feels. I love you girls!

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

i hope that u could resolve this

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad!

Why would you want someone like that as your MOH?

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

I would drop her completely out of the wedding. Friends are supposed to love and support you, especially for the biggest day of your life. IMO, she's just jealous.

My MOH is my little sister, my other 4 BM's are my 2 other sisters, FH's sister, and one of my girlfriends. My 2 other close girlfriends I made ushers (or usherettes as I like to call them). Big mistake. The girlfriend that's a BM is not making any effort to assist me or even ASK how things are going with the planning. I'm thinking of giving her the boot and promoting the usherettes to take her place. We don't need lazy people in our BP's, we need people that WANT to help and are happy for us!

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

It is quite apparent that there are some people in this world who cannot stand when others are happy - they are the perpetual voices of gloom and doom. I have a friend at work who I refuse to talk to about my wedding because she is a downer by saying stuff like "Well Ill never get married...etc" OR there are those who just have to say something nasty about you getting married because they are so miserable in their own lives. Keep in mind she is very young and may not know how to handle her responsibilities. But you are right, you do not need that negativity surrounding you. Go with your gut,

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

Your MOH is someone who would do anything to make your day special and is supposed to be there for you throughout the planning process. It sounds as if she is not there for you, and adding additional stress that you SO don't need! Is there anyone else who could fill in???

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

That is crazy!!!!!

I feel for you. I believe that (yes, while life goes on and us brides are not the center of the universe) those closest to us should show enthusiam and excitement through the process because I think that's what people that care about you do... and I'm sure you would do the same when something special goes on in their life. Nowadays when life can be so hectic, I think it's great to have something to get really excited about and celebrate for.

In my opinion, her behavior is horrible.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

It sounds to me like it is time to boot her out of the wedding and out of your life. All she is doing is taking from you - be it financial or emotional, and giving nothing back. You don't want to start a new life of love and happiness with that kind of negativity around you.

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

OMG, I didn't know we picked the SAME PERSON for our MOH

Save yourself the headache and take some advice I didn't take myself (& have lived to regret it) ... DEMOTE her, REPLACE her,BOOT her out! She will not improve,nor will the tension. I should have listened to my sis and DH to replace MOH.
SAME situation: no job,I'm her ATM,I paid for her ticket,dress,hotel room(because she wanted to party and didn't want responsibility if she stayed at my house), nothing but negativity...I could go on for hours,really-its even much worse than I'm writing about..but, its over now.
Unless you want to be like me & have a shouting & screaming match 10 minutes before the ceremony,GET SOMEONE ELSE!

Sorry I was a little harsh & cold,just looking out for ya

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

I feel so bad that you girls are having a hard time with your MOH. I feel like the MOH should be the most supportive! Reading all this made me appreciate my MOH (sister) more, so I gave her a hug and kiss and said thank you for not giving me a hard time with everything!

I hope everything works out for you!

Re: My MOH makes me sooo mad! Updated!

I have to say that I knew what I was getting into when I chose my MOH's - 1 is my future stepdaughter who is almost 15, and I'm just not expecting much from her because she's young, and the other is my stepsister who I'm also expecting little from just because that's who she is - it was a decision I made so there would be no hurt feelings, but I'm pretty much the one putting all my plans and everything together (which is why I ask so many stupid questions on here!!!)

I have 2 BMs who are acting as the MOH's ( I call them my honoraries...) - 1 is one of my closest friends who is doing a lot to help me plan - esp. the party stuff that I'm not supposed to know about - and the other BM is a take charge sort of person who I can count on for everything.

I have to say that since I knew what to expect from the start, there is no way I can get stressed out by them! But I guess I feel better because I chose others in the party who I can trust...