Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

So here is the deal. My family and FH's family are very different. His mom and dad have been divorced for 20 yrs, his dad has a new life and new family and his dad really isnt part of his life so we never really considered the meeting. on the other hand his mother and he are (disgustingly) close. She never remarried, has no friends and is generally pretty miserable (and likes her cocktails!). My parents have been married 38 years... and they are very conservative non-drinkers... picture my big fat greek weddding type meeting between parents
My mom is very opinionated and if they meet it will be the most horrible 8 months ever! She will complain nonstop. His mom has been very difficult about scheduling a possible meeting and I am very offended that she has made it so hard to schedule a meeting. His mom has not contributed to this wedding and I don't mean financially... but just with ideas or good wishes or anything. In fact, when she calls our apt and leaves a message... she doesn't even acknowledge I am there. No "hi lisa" or anything! Can't I just hold off on the meeting??? Or is that really bad. I just can't handle the stress and potential disaster. Help!

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

Actually, our parent meeting that I wasn't sure of went really well. But, if the parents are in different locations, that might help "explain" not meeting until beforehand.

If not, maybe a jazz brunch or something in public and fairly quick... good luck

.

Message edited 12/11/2007 8:22:35 PM.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

I think that they should meet before hand and in public, like at a restaurant. You never know how they will get along. It's important that they get together.

And honestly, even if they don't get along (as is my situation), you really can't stress about it and try to just ignore any complaining. You have to focus on your own relationship.

Good luck

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

what are we marrying into the same family-

I have been with my FI for almost 3 years and his mom JUST met my family. She also does not seem interested in me or the wedding-

This is what I have learned ( and the hard way)-she will always be his mom so just try and tolerate her-as for your family-explain the situation to your fanily and ask that they just be nice for that night-or point out that even though the differences of the families are there that you and your FI are uniting both families now.

Try not to stress over it-but IMO you should have the meet and greet and get it over with.

Message edited 10/18/2005 4:31:39 PM.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

our parents didnt meet until the day before the wedding.... they live two hours apart, and both sets are pretty busy ( my parents own their own business, and his dad is a pilot for united and is gone for days at a time) so it was just hard to get them together before that.
but, it went well... they got along great and turned out there was nothing to worry about.... i would have them meet soon thogh... just go out to eat- it takes about an hour and half, and its in public... ahh, the fun parts of getting married!

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

Message edited 5/29/2006 10:30:16 AM.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

My parents and DH's parents met at the wedding. Well, they knew my mom - but my dad lived out of state. I have no intentions of them being friends or getting together, so it was fine for me and DH that they meet then.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

Similar situation -- we did a meet and greet with his mom and my parents at our apt. before we got engaged. It went fine and our parents have been together on a few other occasions.

MIL had good wishes for us, unintentionally caused some problems for us during planning and generally kept her ideas and energies to herself. I felt a bit hurt when a month after our wedding, MIL made invitations and favors for her granddaughter's 1st b-day, but offered none of her ideas or willingness to help to us. Bygones.

I (along with my family) met DH's father and possible step-mother at our wedding. (We don't know if FIL is actually married to this woman. ) MIL was unbelievably gracious and even had FIL sit at her table at the wedding. They've been separated for 30 years and I'm not quite sure when they finally got divorced. They probably hadn't spoken in a decade.

Let FH deal with his family issues and don't allow them to spoil your day!

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

I too was dreading the day that my family and FH family would have to meet; same situation, I have a very conservative family; parents married for 30 yrs, etc., his parents divorced yrs ago and they no longer stay in contact with the father. the first meeting was a bit awkward, truth be told, but it was in a restaurant and we ended up getting it over with. oddly enough, my parents and his mom get along great now! If you FMIL is as close to your FH as you say she is, she will have to realize that you and your family are gonna be a part of her life now too. If she loves her son she will make the effort, and if she doesn;t maybe FH can point it out to her gently. Either way, unless your respective families live really far away from each other, the fact that they haven't met by the wedding will make the wedding itself a bit awkward IMO. I say its better to get that awkwardness out of the way; it'll be one less thing to stress about when the big day comes. Good luck!

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

My mother followed etiquette and invited FH mom (they are both widows) to e-party to meet. It was fabulous!! Everyone got along really great, and two weeks later FH's family came to my mom's b-day party.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

My parents met DH's parents at the rehearsal. But our moms began to talk on the phone around the time of our engagement. The main things that kept them from meeting were health issues on the part of DH's dad and my mom and the fact that DH's parents live in Pennsylvania and mine are on LI. Luckily, they really hit it off. But it was an extra stressor, wondering if they'd get along and like each other.

ETA- My MIL was invited to the shower, of course, but she does not like to drive long distances (and she's in her early 70s), so she wasn't able to make it.

Message edited 10/18/2005 7:26:31 PM.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

the first time they met was at my prom

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

You want to hear a better one??? FH and I have been together for 8 years and my FIL's just met my parents at our e-party in July!!! I was always terrified too to have the parents meet because they come from (what I thought were) different worlds. I am Filipino american and FH comes from and old school Italian family (his parents hardly speak english!) So I thought having them meet would be an awful idea. Turns out they had a lot more in common than I thought and got along famously! Now they're always yelling at me and FH for not letting them meet sooner!!!

Bottom line, don't be afraid of it. Welcome it with open arms. You may get the shock of your life!!!

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

I think that's it's nice for everyone to meet before the shower or wedding. It's always so confusing at these things, that they might not get to really say much at all to each other (unless that's what you want lol!). But it would be nice if they do meet prior to the big events, that way when they do see each other they will know each other right away.

Do you and your FH live together? Maybe instead of going to a resturant where you might have to be formal, you can have everybody over to your place for brunch. It will be a neutral zone, everyone might be more comfortable and relaxed.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

Been with FH for over 6 yrs and my parents have yet to meet Fh's mom.... There's this thing called the Throggs Neck Bridge that has been separating them for yrsss I dunno, my mom isnt very sociable.... And now Fh's mom moved to FL so they really prob wont meet until the shower LoL Oh wellz, I dont see our families spending much time with each other anyways

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

****! just realized how old this thread is! OOPS!

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

Yea I have something similar- my parents are married for 34 years and FH's mom (dad is deceased) had him when she was 20 and still acts and dresses like she is 20... even wants to go out with us to clubs ick!

so i am dreading the meeting- but whatcha gonna do- i love him & therefore it has to work out- so try not to worry too much it will go fine.

Re: Did any of your parents not meet your FH's parents until the shower or wedding? long story

LOL

I love when ooooolllllld posts show on here

***THIS IS FROM A BRIDE IN 2005 PEOPLE!***

its a legit topic--but i'm sure this bride is fine now. hehe