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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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What's more important to you...a career or family?
Background...I currently work in a field that I love and have the opportunity to grow and build my career. Right now the money stinks, but eventually it won't.
I also have the chance to buy a house and live closer to my family (out of state) so that should DH and I decide to start a family daycare won't be a problem.
If I move I will have a "job" - any job...if I don't, I'll have a career but not a house and definitely not a family...for a long while. This is not one of those situations where I could have both. My field is here in NYC right where I work...I would move out of state for the family/house.
Has anyone else been faced with similar dilemmas?
What are your priorities?
Message edited 9/21/2005 3:06:24 PM.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:02 PM 
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brooklynbridezilla
Ever After
Member since 4/04 6651 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/5/2005 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Is it possible to further your career in the state where the house is available?
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Posted 9/21/05 3:08 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by brooklynbridezilla
Is it possible to further your career in the state where the house is available?
No. That's why I wrote that it's not a situation where I could have both. I would have to switch careers. My field has its hub right where I work...all the "big guys" are within blocks of each other.
It's a really really really hard decision...that's why I need thought, clarity and help!
DH is no help...he wants a house in the baddest way and babies. 
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Posted 9/21/05 3:10 PM
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Soon2BMrsA
Loving Married Life!
Member since 11/04 2856 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/18/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Greentree Country Club
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
How long will it take you to move up to where you want to be in your current company?
Is it possible once you reach that if you go out of state you could then find a job just as good (it doesnt have to be in the same industry) if you have good experience, you never know.
I think it also has to do with timing.
Right now Dh and I are focused on our careers and we want to go back for our MBA in Jan. We're also all about saving to buy a house next year or so. We're only going to figure out whose going to take care of our kids(while we are at work) 5-6 years from now, because thats when we plan on having them.
Message edited 9/21/2005 3:46:28 PM.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:14 PM
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nov04LIbride
Asshatery: Nature or nurture?
Member since 3/04 8138 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Hard-boiled eggs also have hearts of gold.
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
I can't really relate, because I could work in any state (work in education), but my best friend moved to Michigan after working in advertising in NYC...She got a great job making tons of $$$$, much more than in NY, and homes and everything else are so much cheaper. Whirlpool is headquartered where she is, so though it is a random place to be, she's got a great job.
Personally I am waiting 3-5 years to have kids, so I would stay here now and see where my career is at that point. For me, I see no point in having babies this early on in my life--I have the rest of my life for kids, but this is the only time in my life to concentrate on me and DH, and my career.
Message edited 9/21/2005 3:17:30 PM.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:17 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by Soon2BMrsA
How long will it take you to move up to where you want to be in your current company?
Is it possible once you reach that if you go out of state you could then find a job just as good (it doesnt have to be in the same industry) if you have good experience, you never know.
I think it also has to do with timing.
Right now Dh and I are focused on our careers and we want to go back for our MBA in Jan. We're also all about saving to buy a house next year or so. We're only going to figure out whose going to take care of our kids 5-6 years from now, because thats when we plan on having them.
It would take me about a year to move to the next level (and get about $20K more) then a few years for the next step, etc. I would need to move 2 steps before I could even think about buying up here, then we have to worry about daycare, etc.
I would have to switch industries, you're right, that's what holds me back. But because I have a lot of experience I could find a job that pays well now in a different field (prob financial). About the same I'm making here as far as $$.
I totally get what you're saying...waiting makes the most sense for you guys because you're young and newly married. It makes sense to me too!
DH thinks that it's futile to wait because we don't have to. If we had no other alternatives then we would, but since we can have a brand new house, a comfortable life, a slower pace, etc. he doesn't see the point. He's pretty tired of NY too.  But I'm the one making the big sacrifice so I have a gazillion thoughts going through my head.
TY for writing...I want to hear mre from you all! 
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Posted 9/21/05 3:21 PM
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brooklynbridezilla
Ever After
Member since 4/04 6651 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/5/2005 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
I have a friend like your DH- he wants kids so bad he would get pregant himself it it were possible! 
So back to the question. Do you already have an alternate career, or would you be looking for one in the other state? What is the job market like for the alt career over there? How is the job market for Dh's job in the other state? I can't give you advice on what to do, but i thought those questions might help you find the answers.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:22 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by nov04LIbride
I can't really relate, because I could work in any state (work in education), but my best friend moved to Michigan after working in advertising in NYC...She got a great job making tons of $$$$, much more than in NY, and homes and everything else are so much cheaper. Whirlpool is headquartered where she is, so though it is a random place to be, she's got a great job.
Personally I am waiting 3-5 years to have kids, so I would stay here now and see where my career is at that point. For me, I see no point in having babies this early on in my life--I have the rest of my life for kids, but this is the only time in my life to concentrate on me and DH, and my career.
Is she happy in Michigan? I'm concerned that I won't be happy and possibly resent my kids...which is a horrible thing to think about. My sister loves it over there and thinks the state is growing and I would love it...but I'm not so sure.
I agree with you re:waiting. I too would love to concentrate on my DH and career and travel. We've been together 9 years and I guess he's antsy...it's kinda cute but it's really frustrating. 
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Posted 9/21/05 3:25 PM
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nov04LIbride
Asshatery: Nature or nurture?
Member since 3/04 8138 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Hard-boiled eggs also have hearts of gold.
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by SomethingBlu
Is she happy in Michigan? I'm concerned that I won't be happy and possibly resent my kids...which is a horrible thing to think about. My sister loves it over there and thinks the state is growing and I would love it...but I'm not so sure.
She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.
ETA: I'm sure parts of MI are different. My brother almost went to school there, but she's in a more rural area, near Detroit, a few hours from Chicago.
Message edited 9/21/2005 3:31:01 PM.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:29 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by brooklynbridezilla
I have a friend like your DH- he wants kids so bad he would get pregant himself it it were possible!
So back to the question. Do you already have an alternate career, or would you be looking for one in the other state? What is the job market like for the alt career over there? How is the job market for Dh's job in the other state? I can't give you advice on what to do, but i thought those questions might help you find the answers.
Yes Rebecca that's it! He would get PG if he could. He knows we have to wait at least a year before we would get PG if we moved (have to settle in guy!) but that makes him feel fine since he knows the possibility is there...it isn't up here at all.
I sort of do. The state is growing (Georgia...suburban Atlanta specifically) rapidly and I can work in finance or construction (administrative, of course, not n the field  ) plus a lot of companies are headquartered there.
My Dh doesn't care about working in a specific field/career, he says he can do anything anywhere as long as he has a house, a yard, a dog and a baby. He's in fantasy land right now...kinda hard to get him back to Earth.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:29 PM
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nov04LIbride
Asshatery: Nature or nurture?
Member since 3/04 8138 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Hard-boiled eggs also have hearts of gold.
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
What field are you in now?
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Posted 9/21/05 3:31 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by nov04LIbride
Are you thinking about Michigan? That's so funny, I didn't know that when I posted about her.
She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.
Sorry, I realize that it sounded like I was...no, it's GA. It's very laid back but it's the SOUTH! 
The fact that she wants to move to NY or CA is what makes me nervous. I think I would too...although Atlanta is pretty urban I would live in the suburban area...all woods and houses and the school picks up the kids right in front of your house. The life is completely different.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:31 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by nov04LIbride
What field are you in now?
Luxury retail jewelry.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:32 PM
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johnsae
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/05 6258 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/6/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Capitale
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
I work because I have to...I am the most non-career-minded individual...people ask me about my "career goals" and my eyes glaze over.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:33 PM
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september2004
It's An Obsession
Member since 9/03 3384 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/18/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
family!
my career took a nose dive and now i'm an old fart and at the point where i want kids. my ideal scenario was to save up and do well until it was time to make babies, but life has a funny way of slapping you in the face sometimes...
DH is the bread winner in our house and we will make job decisions and locations based on his situation. if i made more $$$ it would be reversed. we are a team, but he has far better potential to make a good salary and we find this important to our standard of living in supporting a child.
i feel that DH is tied to NYC however we may explore other options in the future. i would love to live somewhere comfortably for once!
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Posted 9/21/05 3:33 PM
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nov04LIbride
Asshatery: Nature or nurture?
Member since 3/04 8138 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Hard-boiled eggs also have hearts of gold.
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by SomethingBlu
Posted by nov04LIbride
Are you thinking about Michigan? That's so funny, I didn't know that when I posted about her.
She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.
Sorry, I realize that it sounded like I was...no, it's GA. It's very laid back but it's the SOUTH!
The fact that she wants to move to NY or CA is what makes me nervous. I think I would too...although Atlanta is pretty urban I would live in the suburban area...all woods and houses and the school picks up the kids right in front of your house. The life is completely different.
I couldn't live in Atlanta, personally. I had a conference there and I thought the city would be...like NYC I guess? SO SO DIFFERENT. Churches everywhere, up and down the city streets...Everything just took longer--eating out, the pace, etc. I'm definitely a Northeastern girl at heart, but I need a fast paced place. Visit, see if you like it and could imagine yourself there. I know it's growing, but having visited, I know it's not for me. But I do have friends there who work for CNN and love it.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:35 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by september2004
family!
my career took a nose dive and now i'm an old fart and at the point where i want kids. my ideal scenario was to save up and do well until it was time to make babies, but life has a funny way of slapping you in the face sometimes...
DH is the bread winner in our house and we will make job decisions and locations based on his situation. if i made more $$$ it would be reversed. we are a team, but he has far better potential to make a good salary and we find this important to our standard of living in supporting a child.
i feel that DH is tied to NYC however we may explore other options in the future. i would love to live somewhere comfortably for once!
It's opposite for us...I'm the bread winner (although DH is catching up, I have always made more). So I have to have the babies and find the high paying job...not easy! 
But TY for your honest response. That's what DH says, you can't really "plan" it and he doesn't want to wait too long. I want kids (plural) and I want to wait a few years in between each, so the longer I wait, the harder it is. But fear of the unknown has a funny way of messing with your mind.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:36 PM
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brooklynbridezilla
Ever After
Member since 4/04 6651 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/5/2005 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Is it possible to visit and check out the areas? Get a feel for the pace and the lifestyle?
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Posted 9/21/05 3:36 PM
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BMD'sPeanut
Rock The Casbah!
Member since 10/03 8733 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/24/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by johnsae
I work because I have to...I am the most non-career-minded individual...people ask me about my "career goals" and my eyes glaze over.
Oh me too!!!
Message edited 9/21/2005 3:36:49 PM.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:36 PM
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luvsun27
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 9/03 2887 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/17/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Beach Club Estate on Lake Ronkonkoma
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Family....but, I too am the breadwinner and my job is here. DH is always talking about going somewhere else...just wants to leave the area. I tell him...you find a job where you become the bread-winner and I can just get any old job...I'll move. Until then...I'm working on my career here and making $$$$ for us to live here. We have been trying to start our family since our HM, 18 months ago...and it's not so easy!
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Posted 9/21/05 3:40 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by nov04LIbride
I couldn't live in Atlanta, personally. I had a conference there and I thought the city would be...like NYC I guess? SO SO DIFFERENT. Churches everywhere, up and down the city streets...Everything just took longer--eating out, the pace, etc. I'm definitely a Northeastern girl at heart, but I need a fast paced place. Visit, see if you like it and could imagine yourself there. I know it's growing, but having visited, I know it's not for me. But I do have friends there who work for CNN and love it.
I hear you! It is different. I have visited many times and do find it frustrating to repeat myself s l o w l y but I also love the friendliness and the schools have amazing programs that NY just doesn't have yet (an anti-bully law, for example). So the problem for me is not so much the place, that I can live with. It's deciding what's important for ME...am I still allowed to be selfish? I feel that I should be able to because once I have kids I can't. And I want to be the best mother I could possibly be.
Am I making sense?
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Posted 9/21/05 3:40 PM
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dpli
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 1/04 2471 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/7/2004 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
I don't know if I could choose one over the other. We are older, and because of that, we don't know what the future holds for us in the having children area. I also went through lots of years of school to change careers and just started working at the new one about 2 years ago. It would be hard for me to give that up when I am just starting again. Also, I am the one with the benefits, and they are excellent!
I think the suggestion of going for a visit (or a few...) is a good one. You could get a better idea of how much you would like the area. Also, if you are moving for family reasons, check out the schools. One of the reasons taxes are so high on LI is that we have good schools. Not all of the southern states have reputations for having great schools.
Message edited 9/21/2005 3:43:03 PM.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:41 PM
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september2004
It's An Obsession
Member since 9/03 3384 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/18/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by SomethingBlu
It's opposite for us...I'm the bread winner (although DH is catching up, I have always made more). So I have to have the babies and find the high paying job...not easy!
i would never be able to do it all, i know women who do, but they have a personality and temperament much different than mine
would hubby be willing to stay at home and watch the kids? would you make enough to afford hired help? things to consider...
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Posted 9/21/05 3:42 PM
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nov04LIbride
Asshatery: Nature or nurture?
Member since 3/04 8138 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Hard-boiled eggs also have hearts of gold.
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Well, I guess I chose to be selfish. I started a doctoral program in my field about a year ago. I have two years left. We were looking to move now, but if we did, I would be sacrificing the work for my program. We chose to stay, at least until my program is done.
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Posted 9/21/05 3:45 PM
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stephanief
It's fun to be ONE!!!!
Member since 7/05 4523 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/15/2006 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Lake Ronkonkoma
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Re: What's more important to you...a career or family?
Posted by SomethingBlu
Posted by nov04LIbride
Are you thinking about Michigan? That's so funny, I didn't know that when I posted about her.
She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.
Sorry, I realize that it sounded like I was...no, it's GA. It's very laid back but it's the SOUTH!
The fact that she wants to move to NY or CA is what makes me nervous. I think I would too...although Atlanta is pretty urban I would live in the suburban area...all woods and houses and the school picks up the kids right in front of your house. The life is completely different.
I live in the south and I am truly a long island girl. It definitely takes some getting used to but we love it now. I know my aunt lives in a suburb of Atlanta and it is much more "country" then where I live in NC. FM me if you want more details of "the dirty, dirty"
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Posted 9/21/05 3:47 PM
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