Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

So I have a BM that has been "less that interested" in being in my wedding. I asked her about a month after we got engaged and she appeared to be happy. We hugged, blah blah blah. But since then, she hasnt mentioned ANYTHING about my wedding. I even write stuff about it in e-mails to her, but she dosent respond to anything I mention about it. A few months ago I invited all of the BM's and my mom, FMIL, and my godmother to the bridal shop to try on the BM's dresses (just to make sure everyone liked it and it looks good on everyone and to have all of the girls meet). Then we were going to make an afternoon of it and go for lunch. So this one particular BM e-mails me and says that she cant make it because she made plans to go out with her parents in the afternoon. Im like, "oh ok, no problem". I come to find out that she was sitting home all afternoon while her boyfriend washed her car ...PS---she lives with her boyfriend NEXT DOOR to my Fh!!! So FH told me what was going on.

So...thats just a short story about how she has been acting about the wedding...

So tonight we get together and we go to the mall and then to dinner. When we are walking through the mall to the car she says to me "Are you sure you want me to be in your wedding??"... Im say "well, I asked you because you are my friend"..she says "well, I just feel like the other girls are your "close" friends and your family"...I am like "well, I have two of my friends, you, and the rest are family but you dont HAVE to be in the wedding if you dont want to be. Dont feel obligated"..she says "no, thats okay"....Ummm, HELLO!!! THATS OKAY!!?? So thats the end of the conversation because we walked into a store and got distracted...

So now I need advice. Where do I go from here? I have been tossing around asking her to NOT be in the wedding for a while since she has been "less that interested" in being in the wedding or knowing about the wedding at all. I have a feeling she is going to be "the one" that gives my MOH a hard time about the shower and bachelorette party. She is the kind her person that LOVES to do things through e-mail....so I'm considering writing her an e-mail. But what do I say?? HELP!!

Re: Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

it sounds to me like she's looking for an out. that's my honest opinion. you should give it to her... before you regret it. if you know what I mean!

Re: Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

I would confront her - in person, on the telephone or via e-mail. Ask her what her deal is and tell her you asked her b/c you love her and want her to be part of your special day but if there's something she's not comfortable with, or a reason she's resisting interest, then you think it would be better to get it out now. Better now then closer to the date when you really need her to be there for you.

Re: Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

I agree that it looks as if she is looking for an out. I would definatly confont her in person, she can't ignore you as she would be able to if you send her an e-mail. Don't let her ruin your day, you shouldn't have to have someone in your wedding party that dosen't want to be there. Also don't let her turn it around on you and act as if it your facult shes no longer in the wedding party, if it's decidded she out. Make sure you point out that you have tried to include her and she is the one not resonding to anyting. Good luck.

Re: Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

i agree with the other girls, it seems like she is looking for a way out, talk to her and ask her straight out if she would rather not do it, this way you can move on

Re: Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

It sounds like she doesn't want to be in the WP. I would tell her you got the "distinct impression" that she regrets saying yes when you asked and telling her it's OK for her to change her mind, you won't be hurt etc.

Re: Need advice, kind of long...RP from 06 Board

I would let her step down. You don't want to have to beg her to do stuff.