first post..and i want to cry

hi everyone!!!!
i am new to li and i have been engaged for over a year now.
the reason for wanting to cry??? not being able to afford a wedding.
and when i say not being able to afford a wedding... i dont mean a WEDDING ...i mean even 50 people ..no frills wedding. my fiancee just doesnt get that even cheapish wedding cost 10k plus.

he wont do justice of the peace or destination wedding bc he feels veryyyy strongly that his family MUST be there.
i have brought up every option like just parents and best friends...and a dinner..but he says he would rather wait to save up so we can have a "real wedding"

isnt it funny that this is the only thing we disagree on?? he is more of a chick lol when it comes to getting married than i am
we have been dating for 3 1/2 yrs..and engaged over a year and the idea of waitng for another 2 years plus makes me very said.

we are not babies either..both in our 30s.

my parents have passed on..and his parents havent offered to help finacially so its all on us.
and with relocating to ny..this just seems impossible.

i WANT to be sooo happy that i am engaged..but if one more person asks when the wedding is..i am going to lose it.

i dont have a date ( although the site here required i pick one to register..so disregard)

i have been researching on here for a month or so and nothing seems feasible unless i dont want to get married for another 5 years.

on one hand why should it matter if we are both in love and content when we get married..on the other hand i jsut want to make it official already since we "feel" married for the last couple of years.

i am soooooo frustrated not only with prices..but whyyyyyy does he care more than i do about a "wedding"

is any one else in this predicament ..that their FH cares more than you do??? arghs ty xoxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

I was in the same boat when we got engaged.

I wanted to go to Vegas and get married. (This would have been perfectly fine with my dad!!) FH is the one that wanted the whole wedding. The reason being, is that his only other sibling lives in Oregon, is gay and already got married in city hall there. He said he couldn't deny his parents their only chance to be involved in a wedding. It means a lot to them, and judging by how ecstatic they are that we are having a wedding, I can see his point.

I have 2 older brothers who have had weddings already. I'm the only girl and my parents still wouldn't have cared how I got married as long as I was happy. However, I know deep down inside my mother wants to see me walk down the aisle in the princess dress she always envisioned me wearing. My mother has been sick for a while, so I know this one thing regardless of how much it costs us will make her happy.

Since your parents have passed on, I can only think of maybe your FH wants to make sure his family sees him get married with the wedding and all. Maybe they have been waiting for this a long time too!!

Another thing that did strike me funny with my FH almost being like a chick....he said he always envisioned at his wedding his bride would have the white dress and the long train ( I originally wanted a red gown ). I seriously didn't think guys cared about such things!!

FYI we are in our 30s also, and couldn't see ourselves pushing it forward another year either.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi..thanks so much for responding!!!!!

my FH is an only child..so you are right ..he really wants this wedding not just for himself but for his family.

i am trying to be understanding... but i guess i feel this wedding will be morefor him than for me..and i guess thats the compromise to make when beign a married couple.

if its not too much to ask...are you paying for the wedding or is family helping?

maybe i am just rotten,,,but i was really hoping his family would at least offer to help a little bit..but that is not the case. his family list so far is about 50-60 people and my list is about 10.

i think its wonderful that you are getting married since you mentioned your mom isnt well. i bet she is realllllly looking forward to your big day :)

although i havent pictured myself in a red dress..i definately pictured something non traditional....:)

our FH's are "chicks" indeed...maybe they should have a girl's night out together !! lol jk

ty for responding xoxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Same boat - FI wants a wedding and we are older. I tried to get him to elope - even took him to Vegas He did not go for it.

His mom died over 20 years ago so it's not for her sake and 3 of his 4 siblings had weddings already. I am realizing why he's into it though after visiting one of his aunts recently. His family is just really big on weddings (while mine does JoP). His aunt has thank you pics from at least 50 family weddings.

Oh - and my must invite list is under 20 people but the total list is 212 And we are paying for it all on our own. I wouldn't dream of asking my dad - who already said we should elope.

Message edited 9/12/2005 11:39:36 PM.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

akamrst,,

do you feel resentful at all that you are paying so much..when the numbers on the lists are soo different..ie his is soooo much larger than yours??

or is it just me?btw ..omg your wedding is going to be HUGE!! thats alot of people..whew..do you know when/where you are getting married??

xoxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

FM

Re: first post..and i want to cry

We are paying for everything ourselves.

We got about $400 total from his family in engagement gifts and my family paid for half of my dress ($700). Other than that, we are on our own.

My guest list is actually slightly larger than FH's, by about maybe 10-15 people, but even with that, we will still have maybe 90 people tops, and that is if everyone we invite shows up. More than likely we will have closer to 75.

There are plenty of ways to save on a wedding. Thinking outside of the box will definitely help you, along with doing a lot of do-it-yourself (DIY) projects.

As a matter of fact I have about 98 DIY invites leftover that you can print off your printer if you want them!!

Re: first post..and i want to cry

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Posted by prunepie

akamrst,,

do you feel resentful at all that you are paying so much..when the numbers on the lists are soo different..ie his is soooo much larger than yours??

or is it just me?btw ..omg your wedding is going to be HUGE!! thats alot of people..whew..do you know when/where you are getting married??

xoxo jenn

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Re: first post..and i want to cry

Will you consider having a wedding on an "off" night? Weeknight weddings at some places are very reasonable. Just a thought...

Re: first post..and i want to cry

There definitely are ways to do a wedding less expensively. I'm an older first-time bride (late 30s), and we are paying for almost everything (my mom bought my dress).

If you want a smaller wedding, look at restaurants instead of traditional catering halls. Look at having it on an "off day" (Thursday/Sunday) or at an "off time" -- we are having our wedding on a Sunday morning and instead of serving a dinner, we are doing a breakfast brunch. That alone is saving us a TON of money. Recruit talented friends to help -- a friend of ours is a great photographer, and she agreed to do our wedding.

There are tons of DIY projects that will help save $$. I made our invitations, programs, and placecards. Instead of real flowers, I did all the bouquets, bouts, and corsages out of silk flowers, and I put the bouquets together myself (I believe AC Moore and Michaels will create the bouquets, etc if you purchase the flowers from them).

We aren't doing flower centerpieces (using antiqute oil lanterns instead). We are doing a donation favor to a local animal rescue in our guests name, so we are giving them a small box of candy along with a card that describes the donation.

Our wedding is going to be less than $10K -- probably closer to $7K. But it isn't going to look cheap.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Depending on the number of people, the Maine Maid Inn might work, we liked it but we had too many people. They have smaller rooms, and its really pretty. Milleridge Inn also has very small rooms, so you could talk to your Fiancee about a simple ceremony and a family/close friends dinner or lunch... Good luck!

Re: first post..and i want to cry

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been with my FI for going on 10 years and wanted to get married on our 11th year anniversary. But we thought about it, if we pushed to have it next year we woiuld have to say alot of can't afford this or that. We have about 200 guests.

At first I was sad waiting another year, but I was like o well we not going anywhere.

Here are a few things to consider;

Find a hall with a package. Ariana Waterfall is a beatiful place for about 100 people. They have a package that includes photo, dj, and video, even centerpieces. You can have a wedding for under 10 k. Did I mention they also include a limo.

Another thing to consider is an off night. If you get married on a monday holiday the price can go from 115 to 70 dollars easliy (let me know if you want to know which hall).

And last thing, if you have to make lunch everyday and bring to work in order to save for your wedding, DO IT. That is my plan.

Things will work out.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Also an off month like January makes the price so much cheaper on everything. Pick something in the first week of January and a Sunday afternoon at a restaurant. You can have a buffet instead of sit down meal and get pictures done and wait to do the albums later when you have more $$.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

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Posted by prunepie

maybe i am just rotten,,,but i was really hoping his family would at least offer to help a little bit..but that is not the case. his family list so far is about 50-60 people and my list is about 10.

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Re: first post..and i want to cry

bktoli..

if only my printer worked!! lol grrrr!!!! gotta get it fixed.

i guess i better shape up on my "martha" skills for diy stuff... i suck at all that stuff lol

ty xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

i have no prob with an off night at all.. my only concern is out of town guests not being able to come mid week...

do places do mid weeks or just mon, fri, sat and sun?

just curious.. nice to meet you xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

frosty,
the oil lanterns sound beautiful!!!!! great idea!!!!

when you say under 10 k... does that include dress, honeymoon everything?? or just the hall/food etc?
just curious!! ty xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi shortbride,,where did you end up booking? i see your wedding is soon!! xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi enjft,

i always thought holidays would be more expensive? hmmm

thanks for the ideas.
my lil heart has been set on the riviera..but i guess i shouldnt get so set since i havent seen many other places in person.

xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi bluize..
money aside i have always wanted to get married outside under a gazebo... but if january has to be it..then darn it so be it!! lol

xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

To be quite honest, you've found the best place with this website if you need ideas on how to cut costs. There's tons of peopel on here who were in the same boat and pulled off AMAZING weddings without going into a downward spiral of debt. There's lots of things you can make that would cost so much cheaper. My friend is getting married in July of 2006, and she was in pier 1 and saw these reall big, wooden candlesticks on sale for 4 dollars each, well, she bought them as stands for her centerpieces! Then, she went to Michael's, bought a styrofoam ball, and hot glued some silk flowers to it, and put it ontop of the candle stick. It is the most amazing centerpiece I've ever seen, and it's something I would LOVE to take home and keep in my house. I think she said each centerpiece ended up costing like 8 bucks because she bought the flowers on clearance. So, that's just one example of what you can do to cut costs, there's TONS of other things! Try looking at halls that do all-inclusive packages with photography and what not. Good luck!

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi teany,

well i know they arent broke :)
what would consitute "their" guests?? just friends of theirs right? bc family that is my fiancee's would be on us right?


i dont think its rude to ask for help for inviting "the inlaws'" friends..but i am soooo afraid they might.

i cant imagine that they woudl think we have our minds made up to pay for everything. i just think they dont want to for some reason? maybe bc we are adults.

most of my friends' parents paid for all of their weddings...and if not bc of money..offered a dress or flowers.
i guess for me its the thought that counts.

ty

xox jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

BY THE WAY TO EVERYONE WHO RESPONDED TO ME!!

thank you soooooooooooooooooo much!!!
i can't believe how supportive everyone on here has been!!

its just a hard thing for me. since i have no sibs/parents... i dont have anyone to advise me on how to plan a wedding.

you are now all my Sis's. XOXOXOX and congrats on your marriage's to be!!!!!

xoxxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Hi, I just wanted to tell you what I wanted to do (although my parents took control and ruined it). A lot of places do brunches if the event is less than three months away. So you could call like deseversky in march and see if they have any sunday brunches available. I think the guarantee is only like 30-40 and a brunch there is i think around $40 pp and a little extra for mimosas and wine. You could do a summer brunch and get like strings to play for like 1-2K. Then i think you might get in well under 10k. Flowers -- you could do sunflowers or something. The grounds there are beautiful. If not there, there are other places that might do the same thing. I love the idea... but my mom is a control freak and the planning went crazy. Call them and see if they have any brunches available. I know that when i called they had June 25th (they commited to that date because if there is a twilight wedding then they could book a brunch immediately). Check it out. I think you could probably do it for like 7k for a whole wedding. Let me know if it works out. Call them!!!! They are not good at returning calls, but they will get back to you. Also the ceremony there is like 750 more but it is beautifuly (and i think you will still fall under 7k). good luck!!!!