HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

his new girl friend who I have meet once to my food tasting!

why? I said she could come to the wedding - but not pariticpate in things my Mom would have done- this is a thing my Mom would have done

am I over reacting? I would rather my sister come- not this women who I don't really like

We burried my Mom a year ago yesterday!

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I'm so sorry.... Have you tried talking to your Dad... I cannot even imagine what you're feeling. You're certainly NOT over reacting.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss Honestly, I would sit your Dad down and say that you would rather your sister come and that things are a little too raw for you to have his GF gallavanting around. I'm sure he isn't trying to replace your Mom but maybe thinks he is helping you by bringing in a woman's perspective. This has got to be so hard for you and I can only send you tons of hugs

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I totally understand, you must be soo stressed, I'm sorry. Tell your father that you would prefer it just be immediate family at the tasting---that you are really stressed out, and you want to be able to be honest and comfortable, and you haven't had a chance to bond with his girlfriend yet, that the wedding is hard for you to plan without your Mom and that you hope he can understand.
If that doesn't work, have your sister be the buffer.

Message edited 8/31/2005 9:36:55 AM.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

Im so sorry, can you tell him theres a limit or you wanted it to be just your family.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I personally wouldn't want her there either. It has probably been a tough year for your family and while I am happy to hear that your dad has found companionship (I think his daughter's wedding could be difficult without someone by his side) inviting her to the food tasting is unecessary. She is a girlfriend, not a fiance or new wife. He obviously hasn't been with her that long since your mom just passed away last year!

to you during your planning. I can't imagine what it would have been like to plan my wedding without my mom. If I could loan you my mom, I would.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

So sorry and NO you are not over reacting. Tell your dad how you feel, he should respect your wishes, Let us know what happens

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

Why don't you tell your dad how you feel. You can even say it in a nice way that you really want your sister to come, you planned on her coming.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

ok- so I told him- now he doesn't want to come- I can't believe him

he turned a nice day about my wedding about him and this woman!

it's hard to lose your Mom and then see your Dad in a different way!

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

Beth...so sorry to hear about this! It's just terrible that now he's not coming, and should be there to share.

I would react the same way.

Would you be okay with him coming and bringing his GF than having him not there at all?

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I would want my sister there also.
I hope it works out!

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

Maybe he will calm down and understand your position? I hope so... I think you're being totally reasonable. They should both understand that you would rather share that day with he and your sister as opposed to he and a virtual stranger.

Can your sister talk to him?

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

---

Posted by Beth1210

ok- so I told him- now he doesn't want to come- I can't believe him

he turned a nice day about my wedding about him and this woman!

it's hard to lose your Mom and then see your Dad in a different way!

---

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

---

Posted by 103005FallBride

---

Posted by Beth1210

ok- so I told him- now he doesn't want to come- I can't believe him

he turned a nice day about my wedding about him and this woman!

it's hard to lose your Mom and then see your Dad in a different way!

---

I'm so so sorry. I was sure he would understand.

---

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I think you have every right not to want your dad's GF there, but allow me to offer a little perspective from the other side. My mom has been with her boyfriend about 11 years now. His wife passed away a little less than a year before they started dating so naturally, it was extremely hard on his children to accept my mom into their life. They put my mother through a lot, and put me through even more. 11 years have passed and I am and probably will always be very resentful towards these people for how I was treated by them.

I think your dad might feel like you're rejecting his girlfriend and is trying to force you to accept her. I believe his GF needs a chance from you and your siblings - which I totally think you ARE DOING by allowing her to come to your wedding. Maybe you can sit down and have a talk with him and explain that you realize she is important to him, and are willing to include her/get to know her better, but he needs to let you do it at your own pace, and that you're still grieving your mother.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

---

Posted by eroxgirl

Maybe you can sit down and have a talk with him and explain that you realize she is important to him, and are willing to include her/get to know her better, but he needs to let you do it at your own pace, and that you're still grieving your mother.

---

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

IM SORRY you are going through this i know exactly how you feel. WHen my mom passed my father was dating in a matter of months!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a year later was engaged i was LIVID!!!!!! and there were alot of times i feel he chose this woman over me!!! hang in there! i know it is not easy!!!! , if you ever need to vent or talk.....cuz boy i have been there FM me!

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

---

Posted by tjs

IM SORRY you are going through this i know exactly how you feel. WHen my mom passed my father was dating in a matter of months!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a year later was engaged i was LIVID!!!!!! and there were alot of times i feel he chose this woman over me!!! hang in there! i know it is not easy!!!! , if you ever need to vent or talk.....cuz boy i have been there FM me!

---

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

You are not overreacting. I lost my mom 2 years ago. I know what you are going through. If you ever need to talk, feel free to FM me.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I think you dad is just trying to bring you and his new girlfriend together. Its hard when a spouse dies, but I think your mom would want your dad to be happy. Try to be friendly with the girl, she might be really nice.

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

---

Posted by eroxgirl

I think you have every right not to want your dad's GF there, but allow me to offer a little perspective from the other side. My mom has been with her boyfriend about 11 years now. His wife passed away a little less than a year before they started dating so naturally, it was extremely hard on his children to accept my mom into their life. They put my mother through a lot, and put me through even more. 11 years have passed and I am and probably will always be very resentful towards these people for how I was treated by them.

I think your dad might feel like you're rejecting his girlfriend and is trying to force you to accept her. I believe his GF needs a chance from you and your siblings - which I totally think you ARE DOING by allowing her to come to your wedding. Maybe you can sit down and have a talk with him and explain that you realize she is important to him, and are willing to include her/get to know her better, but he needs to let you do it at your own pace, and that you're still grieving your mother.

---

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I have meet her- she isn't my cup of tea- personally I think she is digging for gold

and my Dad is the perfect sucker- she didn't have a job when they meet- and not doesn't plan on getting one- my Dad wines and dines her, bought a boat b/c she likes boats- and is going down to FLA with her next month to look at houses for the winter- that I am sure he is paying for- ( he hated FLA last year)

My Dad treats my little sister really crappy- ditching her to spend 5 to 6 nights a week with this woman- and leaves my little sister with no food for dinner- and then yells at her when she charges it to him- my sister is still in school and lives at home- she shouldn't have to buy dinner and eat alone every night-

I invited her to the wedding- but to be honest I don't plan on making a huge effort to have her be apart of my life- I understand were my Dad is coming from- but he just doesn't want to be alone-

If he would waited a little longer- things might have been different- but IMO this relationship is moving at mock 5- and that is too fast for me

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

Your wedding must be a very emotional time for your whole family and it sounds like your dad doesn't want to be there alone and perhaps doesn't want people to glance over at him at your wedding and make pity comments. Instead he will have them whispering about his new gold-digger GF.

Does your dad have any siblings who might talk to him and make him realize how this is stressing you?

Re: HELP! my Dad wants to bring....

I am sure your plans have been bittersweet. I certainly understand how you must be feeling having just lost Dad in the beginning of the summer. As much as your Mom may have wanted your Dad to be happy, I am sure she wanted YOU to be happy too. Her child's feelings should come before that of your Dad's new girlfriend. If it upsets you this much, then have your father tell her to stay back. If they were married, it might be different. But sometimes there are places where a GF should know her place. You are not HER daughter and SHE is not helping you make the wedding. You will do the right thing.