Ladies, I need your advice!!

we're not having any kids or babies at the wedding.

FH's cousin and his wife in CA just had a baby in June and are now asking us if they can bring their infant to our wedding. her parents were supposed to drive up from PA to watch the little one while they were at the wedding, but now can't make the trip to NY for some reason.

FH went as far as to secure a babysitter for them, but they don't want to leave the baby with a stranger. (this babysitter is FH's boss's daughter)

there are a lot of other parents coming to our wedding who made other arrangements for their kids. my cousin in CA is leaving his wife & 2 kids home and is coming to our wedding alone. that's just 1 example, there are several others.

so now we are in a VERY tough spot! if we tell them they can bring their baby, how will the other parents react? this is very unfair to them. and if we tell his cousin & his wife that they can't bring the baby, we're "mean". so we're the bad guy no matter WHAT!

bottom line, we do NOT want this baby at the wedding, period. and I really don't know how to tell them "no" in a non offensive way.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Message edited 8/27/2005 9:47:15 PM.

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

explain that you arent having any kids at the wedding and others know this and found alternatives and it wouldnt be fair to allow them when you already said no to others

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs2006

explain that you arent having any kids at the wedding and others know this and found alternatives and it wouldnt be fair to allow them when you already said no to others

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Message edited 11/4/2006 3:43:53 PM.

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

I have this dilemma too about not having children at my wedding. I was told by past brides that it is your special day and you should have it the way you want it. So you shouldn't feel guilty about your decision. You just have to be polite and apologize that you decided not to have any children at the wedding. It would not be fair to those you have invited and who would have liked to bring their children as well. That you hope to see them at your wedding if they are able to make accomdations to have a babysitter.

Good luck!!!!

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

I would just explain to them that you have already told other couples not to bring children, so how would that be fair? And acutually, when you posted this situation earlier I was thinking that they weren't going to want to leave their infant with a stranger either. Maybe they could bring the baby to the parents. Whatever you do, stand your ground, or else you're going to have a whole bunch of other people saying you are "mean".

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

You really need to weigh how much you want them at the wedding versus them bringing their kid. If you have to have them at your wedding then you won't mind the kid. If you would be fine with their absence then tell them they can't come with the kid.

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

Wow, this is a toughie. On the one hand it's your wedding and you have made it clear that it's adults only. You have even provided a possible babysitter so that the parents won't have to worry about that once they're here. On the other hand, you have a new mom and her newborn. She's new at this so being near the baby all the time is pretty much all she wants to do. She won't enjoy herself if the baby's with a "stranger" since worry will plague her but she won't enjoy herself at the reception should the baby come since she'll have to tend to her child and ease the cries, change diapers, feed, etc.
I wish I had an answer that would be perfect, sadly I don't!
I can tell you what I did...my RSVP cards said "Adult Reception", my invitations were addressed to the person (s) invited and no children were included, I let it be known that the music was going to be loud, there was going to be drinking and the reception was long (we had OT). DH told a few family members that children were not invited, we wanted the parents to have a nice evening out and enjoy themselves for once...a romantic evening, good food, drinks and music...that was our vision. So how did we end up with about 10 kids Yeah, people completely ignored us and brought them anyway In the end it worked out because I really didn't care (I was way too happy) and the parents were the ones running after the kids...I was busy dancing and mingling.
Why did I just share this? Well, besides the fact that I'm long winded (and you know that! ) it's to tell you that a possible solution would be to breathe, relax and see the big picture. If you want to have a good relationship with them and want to see them again (which I'm guessing you do since it's family), explain again that your desire is to have an adults only wedding, but if they MUST bring their child there is nothing you could do about it since you want them to share in your joy. When they show up with the baby and other people ask how come they were able to, explain that you had no idea they would since everyone was told adults only. Act suprised and leave it at that. They'll look out of place and who can say anything to a bride on her wedding day?

Sorry for the novel!

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

I agree with SomethingBlu completely!
You have to decide what is more important to you - having no kids at your wedding, or having those people there with you?

It's an unfair situation....for both you and this couple! Hopefully, something will get worked out!

Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

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Posted by JimmysBride

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs2006

explain that you arent having any kids at the wedding and others know this and found alternatives and it wouldnt be fair to allow them when you already said no to others

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I agree 100%

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Re: Ladies, I need your advice!!

I could not agree more!