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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
After your wedding, having gone through all your gifts, dotted every "i" and crossed every "t", and find there are several close friends or family that didn't give anything....my question is, if they never say anything to you about it, do you say anything to them? Some people have called or emailed that they will later or that times are hard, "Ok, no problem"...but is there any etiquette policy on this?
...And what about NO-SHOWs, do you call them to find out what happened, if they didn't have the decency to call you to let you know they weren't coming??
...Just very curious (cuz of course, it's never about the gift....it's the thought that counts, right?)
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Posted 8/26/05 8:07 PM 
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Pmpkn087
Board Fanatic
Member since 5/05 876 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/25/2005 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Caffe on the Green
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
IMO, as a gift giver......I wouldn't mind if someone called me to ask about the gift a few weeks after the wedding. I would be annoyed if it was the week following the wedding. Because you really do have 1 year to give a gift (does anyone do that?)
I would call the people who didn't show, just to make sure everything is OK.
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Posted 8/26/05 8:11 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by Pmpkn087
Because you really do have 1 year to give a gift (does anyone do that?)
I would call the people who didn't show, just to make sure everything is OK.
I didn't know that about the year thing...thanx for that one.
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Posted 8/26/05 8:13 PM
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Goldi1021
Growing a miracle in my belly!
Member since 1/05 12772 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/18/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Temple Avodah
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
For the people who came and didn't give a gift, could you just write a note thanking them for sharing your day without mentioning a gift and see what happens after? I dunno. Just an idea.
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Posted 8/26/05 8:14 PM
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Soccer_Girl
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 10/04 1479 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/17/2008 1:05 AM
Wed. Location:
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Message edited 11/4/2006 6:06:38 PM.
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Posted 8/26/05 8:44 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by Goldi1021
For the people who came and didn't give a gift, could you just write a note thanking them for sharing your day without mentioning a gift and see what happens after? I dunno. Just an idea.
Good idea!!
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Posted 8/26/05 9:01 PM
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BRIDEMICHELE
1 day! Are you kidding?
Member since 5/05 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/19/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
East Wind Country Gardens
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by coopersmom
I would definitely have to call the No Shows! I think it is so rude to say you are coming and not show up!!! I would of course call and make sure "they are okay" but ultimately be looking for a reason for their irresponsible behavior.
The people who don't bring gifts...hmmmm... I'm not sure. I will have to get back to you in about 44 days... I know people have a year to send a gift.... I am just not sure about what I will do.
You mean that some people RSVP-ed yes but didn't come and then didn't give an explaination? That is the rudest thing I've ever heard of! I mean it's one thing to have an emergency or something else come up and you can't make it but it is just unacceptable to not call the next week or so and apologize. I think you should call them.
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Posted 8/26/05 9:15 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by BRIDEMICHELE
You mean that some people RSVP-ed yes but didn't come and then didn't give an explaination? That is the rudest thing I've ever heard of! I mean it's one thing to have an emergency or something else come up and you can't make it but it is just unacceptable to not call the next week or so and apologize. I think you should call them.
We had 12 NO SHOWS!!!! And i'm not counting the 2 that couldn't make both my wedding and my grandfather's funeral...so it's 14 that didn't show in total
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Posted 8/26/05 9:24 PM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by MissusJones
We had 12 NO SHOWS!!!! And i'm not counting the 2 that couldn't make both my wedding and my grandfather's funeral...so it's 14 that didn't show in total
 How rude And there was no phone message or card waiting for you from any of the 12
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Posted 8/26/05 9:32 PM
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TimmysGirl
Board Fanatic
Member since 4/05 471 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/22/2005 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
I had 6 No shows, 4 of which actually sent a gift (which was very surprsing) But for those that gave nothing I wrote "Thank you for sharing our special day" and left it at that, while those that did give gifts got a longer more personalized note. I'm hoping that guests will start talking to each other and the non gifters will get the hint that they made a boo boo...
But at this point, I don't want the gift, I just would have liked a card or some kind of congratulations momentum that showed me you actually gave a D@MN!!!
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Posted 8/26/05 9:39 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
ok..here's an update...2 family members couldn't due to the passing of my gpa (on my bday...same as rehearsal...hurt so bad).
..spoke to another no-show he "claims" he was sick, and the gift is in the mail
....spoke to one of my sorors and she couldn't get a ride and was embarassed
....one no show was a wife her husband came and the gift was great (he had proper upbringing )
...i asked my mom about one of her cousins and she "claims" she just found out she's pregnant, but my mom said when she saw her at the funeral she looks about 7 months in already
....i have another one i keep calling but in this day and age they don't have voice mail and the phone just keeps ringing!!
...the rest are on DH's side and he already has started to "pick his bones" with his folks...so we'll see!
I tell ya, we've learned so much from this wedding about people and their character!!
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Posted 8/26/05 9:42 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by TimmysGirl
But at this point, I don't want the gift, I just would have liked a card or some kind of congratulations momentum that showed me you actually gave a D@MN!!!
See that's how i feel, several of DH's family members didn't even give a card, whether there was anything inside or not, you can at least congratulate the couple....
...and that includes his parents, his sister, and his brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
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Posted 8/26/05 9:44 PM
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MrsMichel07
251 Invited - 0-Yes 0- No
Member since 1/05 6093 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/12/2007 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
A place where we will Celebrate Our Love.
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by MissusJones
Posted by TimmysGirl
But at this point, I don't want the gift, I just would have liked a card or some kind of congratulations momentum that showed me you actually gave a D@MN!!!
See that's how i feel, several of DH's family members didn't even give a card, whether there was anything inside or not, you can at least congratulate the couple....
...and that includes his parents, his sister, and his brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted 8/26/05 11:12 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by MrsMichel07
Posted by MissusJones
See that's how i feel, several of DH's family members didn't even give a card, whether there was anything inside or not, you can at least congratulate the couple....
...and that includes his parents, his sister, and his brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
plus when we talk about it, he feels that their presence was their congratulations (any other family and I would agree)...do you guys feel that a guests presence is enough? i don't know, i'm torn... i feel like if you can't afford the gift at least let the couple know you're really happy for them and not just there for the food...is that wrong?
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Posted 8/26/05 11:15 PM
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mbtieds
Board Fanatic
Member since 3/05 669 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/5/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Captain Bill's
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
i was wondering the same thing....a few of our friends didnt give us cards or anything. one of my very good friends, who is very "well-bred" and is not the type to not bring a gift, we did not find a card for. i have yet to ask her about it because i just dont know how to do that. what to do?
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Posted 8/26/05 11:17 PM
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Soccer_Girl
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 10/04 1479 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/17/2008 1:05 AM
Wed. Location:
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Message edited 11/4/2006 3:44:50 PM.
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Posted 8/26/05 11:29 PM
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PinkSoil
I went to Graceland!!!
Member since 9/04 1022 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/23/2005 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
George Washington Manor
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
I know that for our engagment party there were a few people who didn't give gifts. I didn't call or mention to them b/c if you are that socially inept that you are invited to a party like that and cannot think to bring a gift... then there is just no point.
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Posted 8/26/05 11:29 PM
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PegaLega
Lets Get This!!!!!
Member since 6/05 29825 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/25/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
I would have called the no shows-as for non gift givers I dont know...I am the kind of person where if I cant afford to give you a gift, I would at least get you a card and tell you face to face that times are tight but I WILL get you something. Its only right
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Posted 8/26/05 11:36 PM
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MrsMichel07
251 Invited - 0-Yes 0- No
Member since 1/05 6093 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/12/2007 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
A place where we will Celebrate Our Love.
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by coopersmom
Posted by marybbates
i was wondering the same thing....a few of our friends didnt give us cards or anything. one of my very good friends, who is very "well-bred" and is not the type to not bring a gift, we did not find a card for. i have yet to ask her about it because i just dont know how to do that. what to do?
Someone suggested this the other day: Call her and tell her that there are a few cards missing and there was an opened envelope found in the parking lot. You can say that you wanted to let her know that you think hers may be one of them and you want her to cancel her check incase there was one in there...
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Posted 8/26/05 11:38 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by coopersmom
Someone suggested this the other day: Call her and tell her that there are a few cards missing and there was an opened envelope found in the parking lot. You can say that you wanted to let her know that you think hers may be one of them and you want her to cancel her check incase there was one in there...
I will definitely use that one...good idea thanks!!!
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Posted 8/26/05 11:40 PM
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Pmpkn087
Board Fanatic
Member since 5/05 876 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/25/2005 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Caffe on the Green
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by MissusJones
Posted by Pmpkn087
Because you really do have 1 year to give a gift (does anyone do that?)
I would call the people who didn't show, just to make sure everything is OK.
I didn't know that about the year thing...thanx for that one.
YW...it is an unspoken thing, but I don't know if people really follow that. But, if there is one thing that I learned during this process, it is do not mess with tradition!
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Posted 8/26/05 11:42 PM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by Pmpkn087
YW...it is an unspoken thing, but I don't know if people really follow that. But, if there is one thing that I learned during this process, it is do not mess with tradition!
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Posted 8/26/05 11:50 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Welcome to the world of newlyweds! There's a thread on the gift topic on the Newlywed board...stop on by! 
As for your questions, I don't have an answer but I will share this. We had ELEVEN no shows (yup, 11) and to this day only one person has said why and it was because my DH ran into him...no one has called, written, congratulated...nothing!
About the gifts...we had a lot of people that didn't give a gift, not even a card. DH's uncles from his dad's side (all of them) gave zero...and 3 of them were no shows. We have no intention of calling anyone to find out anything, it's bad enough it's been almost 3 months and we haven't heard from them (and for the record, we only invited IMMEDIATE family to the wedding, so these are close relatives  ). Kudos to you for bravely calling people...I don't have the self control to do that (many curse words would probably come out!  )...
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Posted 8/27/05 12:01 AM
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MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by SomethingBlu
Welcome to the world of newlyweds! There's a thread on the gift topic on the Newlywed board...stop on by!
As for your questions, I don't have an answer but I will share this. We had ELEVEN no shows (yup, 11) and to this day only one person has said why and it was because my DH ran into him...no one has called, written, congratulated...nothing!
About the gifts...we had a lot of people that didn't give a gift, not even a card. DH's uncles from his dad's side (all of them) gave zero...and 3 of them were no shows. We have no intention of calling anyone to find out anything, it's bad enough it's been almost 3 months and we haven't heard from them (and for the record, we only invited IMMEDIATE family to the wedding, so these are close relatives ). Kudos to you for bravely calling people...I don't have the self control to do that (many curse words would probably come out! )...
Thanks for rolling out the welcome mat!! You are too funny!! For one of my cousins, who was justified with the funeral and all, I started my call with, "you owe me $100 for your empty seat!!" he busted out laughing, pleading his case and told me his bill was in the mail...but he's blood so i didn't hold anything back....the guy who was sick, he checked caller-id before he picked up and started with "i was really sick don't kill me, and i put your card in the mail yesterday!!
some people you can be real and other you send that "oops empty envelopes were found..." email...tune in for those results!!!
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Posted 8/27/05 1:03 AM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Crazy Question: Has Anyone Ever...
Posted by MissusJones
Posted by TimmysGirl
But at this point, I don't want the gift, I just would have liked a card or some kind of congratulations momentum that showed me you actually gave a D@MN!!!
See that's how i feel, several of DH's family members didn't even give a card, whether there was anything inside or not, you can at least congratulate the couple....
...and that includes his parents, his sister, and his brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His parents showed up LATE & w/o even a card That is just especially when his dad disappeared. He could have gone to get a card at least
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Posted 8/27/05 8:58 AM
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