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Noiva06
Still in LaLa Land :)
Member since 4/05 2051 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/21/2006 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Booked!
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My friend needs some advice...
Thanks for the advice ladies.... forwarded my friend all of your advice and she is considering joining LIW!!! I will keep trying to persuade her!
Message edited 8/12/2005 10:22:13 AM.
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Posted 8/11/05 9:40 AM 
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JessicaM.
totally
Member since 3/05 10893 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/23/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
shes gonna dream up the world she wants to live in
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
HER DAY, HER WAY!!! Actually, she will be able to call FMIL out on her lie, once she say, "oh no, it's fine. we are actually able to pay for our wedding ourselves, so please don't feel like that will be an issue at all"  big sweet smiles
then FMIL will have to come up with something else, or realize the WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR is not about her daughter. I think 5 months difference is just fine.
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Posted 8/11/05 9:44 AM
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MissingTheBGene
We're homeowners!
Member since 6/05 4547 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/2/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Woodlands
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
I agree with Jessica, this is one battle she needs to stick to. Her FMIL will get over it.
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Posted 8/11/05 9:45 AM
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MayBride06
It's all about the flatbread!!
Member since 11/03 5556 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/28/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
out east
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
Posted by JessicaM.
HER DAY, HER WAY!!! Actually, she will be able to call FMIL out on her lie, once she say, "oh no, it's fine. we are actually able to pay for our wedding ourselves, so please don't feel like that will be an issue at all" big sweet smiles
then FMIL will have to come up with something else, or realize the WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR is not about her daughter. I think 5 months difference is just fine.
i agree! It's her day! If she starts accomodating people this early on, by the end, it will not be her wedding but everyone else's! I would do November! And I hardly thin FMIL will not contribute to her son's wedding just b/c it's right after her daughter's. Parents just don't do things like that!
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Posted 8/11/05 9:46 AM
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Blu-ize
My House
Member since 8/04 8307 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/28/1998 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
East Meadow Jewish Center
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
She should keep her date of Nov 06 and pay for their own wedding. There will be much more satisfaction in that.
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Posted 8/11/05 9:47 AM
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cindyandkevin
To have and to hold
Member since 2/05 21575 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/10/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stonebridge Country Club
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
If she can pay for her own wedding and have her day when she wants to then that is absolutely what she should do!! I'm getting married in June and my cousin in November, plus she's one of my BMs. We're working it out just fine. Five months is plenty of time!!!
She was engaged 1st so I asked HER if it was ok, I didn't want to steal the spotlight, but she had no problem with it so I didn't question anyone else and went ahead as planned. Besides, it's great doing this together, we share ideas and help each other out!!
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Posted 8/11/05 10:12 AM
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kellwolfe
It's An Obsession
Member since 12/04 4122 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/8/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet WindWatchA+++++++++++++++++++
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
Other then run away - that a tough one......well her and her FH are the ones that need to be happy - I understand about the cousins but you might have more problems if you rock the boat with your FMIL
I dont think i am of much help but i would probably do sometime in 07
what do her parents think - do they need the money help?
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Posted 8/11/05 11:04 AM
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Goldi1021
Growing a miracle in my belly!
Member since 1/05 12772 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/18/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Temple Avodah
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
Posted by MayBride06
And I hardly thin FMIL will not contribute to her son's wedding just b/c it's right after her daughter's. Parents just don't do things like that!
Actually, they do.
I think it is very hard to speculate what people have in the bank based on what you SEE . My sister got married in Jan '90. Her FSIL at the time had already been engaged (before my sister was engaged) and was due to get married in October '90. Her in laws were not able to contribute to her wedding because of the financial obligations to their daughter and they did not make a heck of a lot of money. Her FFIL was a retired school teacher and her FMIL , a retired nurse. Families also have to have enough money to live on after the wedding. My mother was not happy about having to ask us to pay for a part of the wedding. She would love to be able to pay for every last thing but at this stage of her life, it is hard. She said, and I quote, "I will need something to live on AFTER the wedding." MAJOR reality check for me about her future and taking care of family. I could not in my heart deplete my mother's bank account. Many families do not have a massive wedding fund in the event that their children might marry some day. I will be lucky if my FILs contribute a small amount. I told Mom to be grateful for ANYTHING they CAN give. YES they have a huge 5 bedroom house but they may be living check to check to support it.
She should have the wedding she wants when she wants it, but I wouldn't expect money especially if they say so.
Message edited 8/11/2005 11:18:29 AM.
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Posted 8/11/05 11:17 AM
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blueyes678
How many Days!?!?!?!?!
Member since 4/05 1103 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/24/2006 2:45 PM
Wed. Location:
The Inn at East Wind
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
I know OH TOO WELL what it's like to have "Family members" ask you to MOVE the date or to do it at another time because it's "Other peoples time to shine..."  (long story - I posted it a few weeks ago) Anyhow, YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY, YOUR TIME!!!!!!!! Screw everyone else!!!! Seriously, this is the event in yourlife that you will cherish FOREVER!!!! Do it as YOU please!!!!
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Posted 8/11/05 11:20 AM
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Mariec
Board Fanatic
Member since 5/05 475 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/7/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Flowerfields
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
I agree with Jessica.. Her day Her Way!!! Ugg people just always have to much to say!
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Posted 8/11/05 11:21 AM
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MissingTheBGene
We're homeowners!
Member since 6/05 4547 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/2/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Woodlands
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
Posted by blueyes678
I know OH TOO WELL what it's like to have "Family members" ask you to MOVE the date or to do it at another time because it's "Other peoples time to shine..." (long story - I posted it a few weeks ago) Anyhow, YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY, YOUR TIME!!!!!!!! Screw everyone else!!!! Seriously, this is the event in yourlife that you will cherish FOREVER!!!! Do it as YOU please!!!!
OMG, I'm still rolling about that one! Some people! Sheesh! 
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Posted 8/11/05 11:24 AM
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FireBride164
Wedding Newbie
Member since 4/05 44 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/10/2006 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Atlantis Marine World
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
Tell her that she should have the wedding when SHE wants it! Not when FMIL thinks she should have it! Standing up to FMIL now will make it easier in the long run do deal with future issues.
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Posted 8/11/05 11:37 AM
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Mrs.A2006
Board Fanatic
Member since 7/05 980 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/3/2006 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet Willow Creek A+
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
She and FH should do what they want! My FH cousins got married one month apart (July & August) of the same year. Everything worked out fine, even if FH's Aunt went a little nutty trying to keep track of who was planning what. Everyone was happy b/c both couples did what they wanted.
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Posted 8/11/05 11:44 AM
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DrBeLLaRoSe
Board Fanatic
Member since 2/05 997 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/1/2011 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Huntington
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
if she can afford to pay for the wedding herself then she will able to decide things on her own and do it any way she wants too....
with that being said, however, i personally feel that when siblings are involved, it is better to space out weddings so that each couple gets their time to shine and the families can enjoy each wedding separately. I think that whoever gets engaged second or picks their date second has to be the more accomodating one. this is just my opinion.
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Posted 8/11/05 11:55 AM
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Thumballina
Sei l'amore della mia vita
Member since 12/04 2890 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/24/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
If her and her FH can financially pull the wedding off by themselves why listen to FMIL? If the only reason she does not want them to get married the same year as his sister is because she wouldn't be able to contribute to their wedding...no problem...they can afford to do it without her...I say they should stick to Nov like they had originally wanted and pay for their own wedding...I'm sure the FMIL will be able to contribute something even if its not to pay for the entire wedding...
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Posted 8/11/05 11:57 AM
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NYCtoSEA
Board Fanatic
Member since 5/05 394 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/21/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Riviera
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Re: My friend needs some advice...
Tell her to do what she wants, and if they can afford to pay themselves, to do it. In a way, WISH I was paying myself now and did not accept my parents' generous amount of help, because then I could say (and I steal this quote from someone else on the boards) - "you don't pay, you have no say!". It seemed so nice in the beginning that my parents offered to help pay, but now, my mom likes to say "well, since I am paying, I should have some say in what is going on" whenever we disagree on anything. We disagree on a LOT.
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Posted 8/11/05 12:58 PM
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