Question/Vent -- FILs want to pay for stuff NOW????

Okay -- just have to vent. I don't know who to be upset with -- FH or FILs -- but if I just vent this maybe I can let it go.

I have been planning this wedding for over a year and now it is less than 3 months away. My parents have given us a very generous gift to cover much of the cost, but since FH and I are both in grad school the $$ part has constantly been a worry for us. And -- all along -- when I have brought up the idea that perhaps FILs would like to make a small contribution FH has reminded me that his sister's ENTIRE WEDDING only cost $1,000. (They are from another part of the country -- where weddings are much less fancy. Still, this answer has had to dual effect of convincing me that FILs will not spend any $$ on our wedding and making me feel really spoiled for having a wedding that costs so much more).

So, last night FFIL asked FH about the RD and mentioned that it was tradition that the Groom's family foot the bill for it.

Now I have already researched and found a place for our RD and my parents have offered to pay for it. FH says that its not a problem -- that if his parents want to contribute they can put $$ towards our honeymoom or just give us a gift.

But I'm torn -- do I let my FILs "host" this event even though I have already planned it? It seems like just sticking them with the bill is rude. Or do I let them plan it (from across the country???) Or do I just tell them that the RD has already been planned and invite them to contribute in some other way?

Ughhhhh -- all this etiquette stuff is too much for me!!

Re: Question/Vent -- FILs want to pay for stuff NOW????

since they live far away....you would probably have to plan most of the event yourself anyway....so I would tke the $$ and pay for the event...and make a little speech at the RD to Thank them for paying for the event.

Re: Question/Vent -- FILs want to pay for stuff NOW????

That sounds frustrating!

I would have them pay and take some of the cost from your parents.

Would you really want them to plan it anyway? Just have them pay...

My FIL's paid, and we thanked them, but we planned and booked the whole thing ourselves, and they were fine with it. I can't even imagine what they would have chosen if we gave them control...

Re: Question/Vent -- FILs want to pay for stuff NOW????

Well, with what you just described, it might be better to just leave it as is. I mean if they spent a totall of $1,000 on their daughter's wedding, the same amount of money will be used to cover just the rehearsal dinner. Again, restaurant prices here are not like what they are in other parts of the country. Maybe ask them if they'd like to offer a after wedding brunch or something. Hope it works out for you!!

Re: Question/Vent -- FILs want to pay for stuff NOW????

i would ask them to just contribute since its all planned already.

My parents threw us an e-party and FH parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner...all else is on us