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SeptWed
Ryan Gosling....YUMMY
Member since 3/04 1291 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/17/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I have heard of three people i know doing this. And i don't just mean not inviting people with a date who are single but even people who are not single???? One of the girls even said if they don't have a ring they are not inviting the person with the date.
Now not that i have to worry about this but I think i would of been offended if while i was dating DH for the four years that we were dating if i was invited to a wedding and he was not. I kind of understand if you don't invite a single person with a date but not someone who is dating someone...how do you even determine who is officially dating someone??
Is anyone doing this or have been to a wedding like this? What are your feelings?
Message edited 6/22/2005 9:07:36 PM.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:07 PM 
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M&LSept1606
it didn't rain! it was perfect
Member since 9/04 2250 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/16/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Vineyard Caterers
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I am inviting all singles with a guest. I think it's rude not to invite people with guests. some might want to bring a son/daughter along if they don't know anyone else, or a friend, etc. especially if they're dating someone. they don't have to be engaged for god sakes!
some argue that it's too expensive. I say if you're going to do it, do it right. JMO
Message edited 6/22/2005 9:10:23 PM.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:09 PM
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JPC1125
Friendship=the key to marriage
Member since 6/04 5052 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/25/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Crest Hollow
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I know some couples are working with strict budget concerns but in my situation, I feel horrible inviting anyone alone. When you go to a wedding, youre expected to dance and have a good time. How can someone do that if they dont have anyone to dance with?
I was going to ask my friends if they were seriously involved but Ive decided that I will let them have a guest no matter what. It wouldnt be right to make them feel isolated b/c they dont know anyone else there
Message edited 6/22/2005 9:14:41 PM.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:13 PM
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JimmysBride
Board Princess
Member since 7/03 10135 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I did not invite all singles with date. I didn't feel my wedding was a place for singles to pick up some random person and bring them to as a "thing to do" for a date.
This was a slight issue between me & DH because he insisted on inviting all of his friends with dates. So I allowed it for them because, as he promised, none of them actually FOUND dates! 
If someone was in a long term committed relationship with someone we had met, we did invite them with their SO. I was being nice and this actually bit me in the azz and I had a couple of no-shows and last minute cancellations because of break ups and drama. 
Therefore, I would advise against it. Most people wouldn't agree but I would say to be discriminating with who you invite with a date. I'm sure my cousin would have been offended if I did had not invited her boyfriend of over 1 year (who I happen to despise anyway)... but apparently it was okay for him to just not show up after I had already paid for his plate for neither of them to ever offer up an apology or even an excuse. 
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Posted 6/22/05 9:15 PM
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salsbride06
Merry Christmas
Member since 6/04 2981 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/8/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
JERICHO TERRACE
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I AM INVITING ALL SINGLES WITH A GUEST. MY COUSIN GOT MARRIED A FEW YEARS AGO AND AT THAT TIME ME AND FH WERE DATING FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF THERE. THEY DIDNT INVITE HIM TO COME WITH ME. I WAS SO PISSED. THEY DID THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE ALSO. I WOULD NEVER THINK OF DOING THAT TO ANYONE.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:15 PM
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SeptWed
Ryan Gosling....YUMMY
Member since 3/04 1291 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/17/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Okay that is the way i have been feeling...i rather invite less people then not allowing people who are dating now with a date. I understand in a way ifyou want to not invite people who are single and you know will bring a random joe or jane to your wedding...that is understandable if you want to save money.
I actually invited a lot of single people to my wedding with dates and only one guy brought a girl and he sent her home early.
I just can't understand how you can invite a friend or family member to you wedding and not their boyfriend/girlfriend who they have been dating over a year.
I just thought this was the new thing because of these three people i have heard about. I know a lot of people are upset about that.
Message edited 6/22/2005 9:20:15 PM.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:19 PM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Posted by SeptWed
I have heard of three people i know doing this. And i don't just mean not inviting people with a date who are single but even people who are not single???? One of the girls even said if they don't have a ring they are not inviting the person with the date.
Now not that i have to worry about this but I think i would of been offended if while i was dating DH for the four years that we were dating if i was invited to a wedding and he was not. I kind of understand if you don't invite a single person with a date but not someone who is dating someone...how do you even determine who is officially dating someone??
Is anyone doing this or have been to a wedding like this? What are your feelings?
I am inviting single adults with a date. I plan to call in advance and get the name of the person though. I do not want to do "& guest".
However, I have been invited to weddings without a date (prior to FI). I have only been invited to 3 weddings recently and all invited FI too - even before we were engaged.
My good friend & hair stylist did not allow dates at her wedding and suggested I cut our list in the same way. She said she did not want the "flavor of the month" to be in her wedding photos.
She invited only married or engaged couples and her rationale was that she wanted only seriously committed people to witness their committment ceremony. Her cut off point was married or engaged. I asked her this on Saturday and used a similar example. She said if they are adults (25 & over) & have been dating for 4 years but are not engaged, they need to break up. 
Interestingly enough, I know single people that attended her wedding and since they pretty much all knew each other, it was not like anyone was the odd ball out as far as dancing and not having anyone to talk to all night.
ETA - I had two friends call me this month to say they broke up with boyfriends. One is a 4 year "relationship" but not what she would call serious on any level and the other is a guy that I never met in the year or so they dated. I was not looking forward to either of these men being at the wedding so it helped me out a ton to get those calls. I did not want the wedding to turn into a "Meet & Greet" for total strangers.
Not that inviting engaged or married guests means they won't cancel or break up though. Someone posted that her aunt/uncle split and one did not come to the wedding because of it.
Message edited 6/22/2005 9:27:30 PM.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:21 PM
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suven
Sunny skies on my wedding day!
Member since 8/03 5968 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/30/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Leonard's of Great Neck: A
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
there were a few people whom we did not invite with a date. If we had never even met "the date" we weren't having him at our wedding. But, we only invited close friends and family, so it was easy for us to do this.
Ironically, the only 2 people who got pissed were 2 girls who CHOSE to RSVP "1" and THEN started dating someone and asked within the 2 weeks before the wedding if they could bring "a date"...too late at that point.
Message edited 6/22/2005 9:22:11 PM.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:21 PM
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SeptWed
Ryan Gosling....YUMMY
Member since 3/04 1291 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/17/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Being the youngest in my family i went to a ton of weddings before i med DH and i was always invited with a date....all of them except one i went solo because i think it is more fun. The one i brought my BF (guy) to just because i would not know a lot of people there and he kept me company and we had such a blast. I just thought it was the norm to invite most people with a date and then i heard that some people don't invite single people...but this not inviting people who have been dating for awhile i don't get. Many people can be dating over 4 years and for career, school, money reasons are not engaged yet.....
Interesting...maybe the times are changing.
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Posted 6/22/05 9:28 PM
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Latrice
Board Fanatic
Member since 11/04 502 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/20/2005 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I did not give all singles a guest. FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. And I basically feel that my wedding is a celebration of my love and FH love for one another. It is something for our family and friends. It is not a time for singles to feel comfortable with their friend and/or date. Thats what dates are for not weddings. JMO!!
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Posted 6/22/05 9:44 PM
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Kim51103
YAY!! I'm a MRS!!!!!
Member since 11/04 2627 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/7/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Im inviting all Singles with a guest. Ive never heard otherwise!
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Posted 6/22/05 10:12 PM
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SummerBride06
SummerBaby08 on the way!!
Member since 5/05 3936 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/8/2006 10:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor A+
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Posted by Latrice
I did not give all singles a guest. FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. And I basically feel that my wedding is a celebration of my love and FH love for one another. It is something for our family and friends. It is not a time for singles to feel comfortable with their friend and/or date. Thats what dates are for not weddings. JMO!!
i agree! i have been invited to several weddings without a date (both when I was and was not dating someone) and never really thought twice about it.
it's so easy to tell people to invite guests with a date because it's "the right thing to do". No it's not. It may be the right thing for you to do, but not everyone feels that way. I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding this coming sunday and few people were invited with dates (even those who are married). The bride fretted over what to do because she just couldn't afford to invite dates. We all told her that if someone is REALLY your friend and wants to celebrate your marriage with you, they shouldn't have a problem. A wedding is a social time, but a date is not a necessity.
If you can afford it, go for it and invite the world! If you're on a budget, make the sacrifices you need to do to make the day a success to you!
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Posted 6/22/05 10:14 PM
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jeanla4c
THREE YEARS already!
Member since 8/04 5242 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/9/2005 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau La Mer
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I invited all singles with a guest, but don't think it is necessary at all!!! But that being said, I was really insulted when I got invited to a wedding w/o FH after we had been dating two years since the couple only invited those who were engaged or married with a guest. That was just me though! People need to do what they need to do and feel what is best for their situation.
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Posted 6/22/05 10:21 PM
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beautyq115
Board Princess
Member since 12/04 16775 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/16/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club...AMAZING
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I was IN a wedding and NOT invited with a guest because I didn't have a boyfriend at the time I didn't know until I got the stupid invitation....I thought that was especially rude since I was in the damn BP
BUT I am considering not inviting people with guests who are just guests at the wedding(if that makes sense))...I would never do that to a person in my BP
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Posted 6/22/05 10:32 PM
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RVCBride
Board Fanatic
Member since 9/04 798 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/4/2005 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I am inviting majority of my single friends with a guests. I have a group of guy friends that would rather go alone for the sake of not having to babysit them at my wedding. Otherwise all other guests get invited +1.
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Posted 6/22/05 10:49 PM
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neeniebean86
live. love. laugh.
Member since 8/04 6576 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/19/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Posted by Latrice
I did not give all singles a guest. FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. And I basically feel that my wedding is a celebration of my love and FH love for one another. It is something for our family and friends. It is not a time for singles to feel comfortable with their friend and/or date. Thats what dates are for not weddings. JMO!!
i completely agree (and we also paid for the whole thing ourselves). The only '& guests' we did was for the BP, since most of them were single but obivously invested more than their share into our wedding. like someone else said- i feel no need to pay for their 'Flavor of the month'. i dont think its RUDE at all not going out of my way to have a Complete stranger celebrating my union with DH- its a wedding, not the affair of the century. But-if people were in serious relationships (i.e- we actually knew their SO's name), then we invited them w/ that person
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Posted 6/22/05 10:56 PM
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MrsMadness
Board Fanatic
Member since 4/04 250 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/7/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Riviera
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
All people who were seriously dating someone were invited with guests, along with people who didn't know other people at the wedding. Our single friends who knew other people were not invited with guests if they weren't dating someone. This wasn't a money issue, but a space issue (we didn't have enough!) No one complained and things worked out very well.
You have to do what is right for you!
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Posted 6/22/05 11:00 PM
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Jax430
Beyond Obsession
Member since 3/03 7661 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/27/2004 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
East Meadow Jewish Center
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
We only invited people who were in serious relationships (long term dating or beyond) with a guest. The only exception to this was one of my friends who wouldn't have known anyone otherwise. People had a wonderful time and danced with their friends and other single people. I feel that it gives the single people a chance to mingle. Two of my friends started dating after meeting at my wedding, so it worked well!
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Posted 6/22/05 11:02 PM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Posted by neeniebean86
Posted by Latrice
I did not give all singles a guest. FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. And I basically feel that my wedding is a celebration of my love and FH love for one another. It is something for our family and friends. It is not a time for singles to feel comfortable with their friend and/or date. Thats what dates are for not weddings. JMO!!
i completely agree (and we also paid for the whole thing ourselves). The only '& guests' we did was for the BP, since most of them were single but obivously invested more than their share into our wedding. like someone else said- i feel no need to pay for their 'Flavor of the month'. i dont think its RUDE at all not going out of my way to have a Complete stranger celebrating my union with DH- its a wedding, not the affair of the century. But-if people were in serious relationships (i.e- we actually knew their SO's name), then we invited them w/ that person
We are paying for the entire thing and I am having two BM's invited with no date. They are single and not offended in the least. We do have 38 & guests but I am calling to see who they are bringing (if anyone) in advance. I really don't want to do "& guest" and prefer to know the person attending and preferably have met them before that day.
My sister is involved but will likely not bring the guy since I have never met him (nor has my mom or anyone else in the family).
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Posted 6/22/05 11:06 PM
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csorisi
A year of happiness!
Member since 2/05 1767 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/4/2005 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Watermill--A++++
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
Posted by M&LSept1606
I am inviting all singles with a guest. I think it's rude not to invite people with guests. some might want to bring a son/daughter along if they don't know anyone else, or a friend, etc. especially if they're dating someone. they don't have to be engaged for god sakes!
some argue that it's too expensive. I say if you're going to do it, do it right. JMO
I agree once my FH was invited to a wedding w/o me & I said that I would never do that to someone. I want everyone at my wedding to have a good time and they should have the option to bring a date. JMO
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Posted 6/22/05 11:21 PM
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Goldi1021
Growing a miracle in my belly!
Member since 1/05 12772 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/18/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Temple Avodah
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
People who are engaged, living with, or dating someone for a significant period of time witll be invited with a guest to my wedding. That is what proper wedding etiquette dictates. It is not my family's job to entertain the "flavor of the month" for single guests. There are no single guests invited who do not know someone at the wedding that they can dance or socialize with. At most of the weddings I was invited to alone, I ended up dancing with female guests and had a much better time than I would had I just picked some random guy for the sake of having arm/eye candy.
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Posted 6/23/05 12:37 AM
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knotted
Board Enthusiast
Member since 1/05 204 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/28/2005 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
We are under a strict budget and guest limit, which we are already over anyway. So, we invited only married, engaged couples, and guests who's significant others we know/met before.
IMO, the kind of guests you have at your wedding dictates the mood of the affair. The more strangers you have in attendance, the more small talk you have to make, drawing you away from the really important guests - the ones you know and are dear to you. You don't want to spread yourself too thin.
We are paying for the wedding ourselves, and for us THIS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. I think all of us needs to do what we are comfortable with, based on our own unique circumstances.
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Posted 6/23/05 12:55 AM
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SuzBride
The Jack!
Member since 1/05 9762 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/8/2006 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Land's End :) 11!
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I am inviting all my OOT singles with guests (even if single) and all my intown friends with guests (most have been dating the same people for years - so I don't want the ones who aren't dating anyone to feel left out when the rest of my friends are dancing/chatting with their significant other). My recently divorced aunt also will be invited with a guest (I don't think she'll bring one, but I want her to have that option!)
Cousins who are older than me (I'm 24) are invited with a date (only 2 single ones) and those younger than me only get a date if they have been dating for at least a year (which at this point means none of them get a date)!
My gosh, I never realized how convoluted that all is! 
Message edited 6/23/2005 8:12:03 AM.
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Posted 6/23/05 8:09 AM
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ShortBride
Happily Married
Member since 6/05 1244 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/5/2005 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Manor East
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I've been invited both with a date and without. I think it depends on the situation. If its a group of friends or family, then it's fine to invite them without a date. However (just my opinion), if you have mostly friends in committed relationships and just a few single friends who do not know each other, it will be really awkward for those people to be at your wedding for several hours alone...
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Posted 6/23/05 8:38 AM
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SeptWed
Ryan Gosling....YUMMY
Member since 3/04 1291 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/17/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Anyone been to a wedding (or is anyone) not inviting people with dates to their wedding??
I could be wrong but i thought proper wedding ettiquite was to invite everyone with a guest? (Someone mentioned in one of their posts that it was to invite only married/engaged couples).
Like i said i understand the not inviting someone who is single when you send out the invitations....but not inviting someones boyfriend/girlfriend of more then 6 months (whether you met them or not) I don't think is right. Though i am sure they will know people at the wedding to mingle with, it would be nice to slow dance with their BF/GF if a dance comes on and sit with him/her at the table.
I had a bigger size wedding but there were two couples who significant other i had not met before my wedding who were dating 6+ months and I had to invite them in my mind with their siginficant others. JMO
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Posted 6/23/05 9:06 AM
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